IN SEARCH OF OURSELVES
Jack Sadayo (Year 10) considers the challenges of working out who we are in an increasingly individualistic society
A s individuals, the way we feel about, and judge ourselves has a significant impact on who we believe we are. To put it differently, the ways in which we interpret our thoughts and experiences arguably mould our identity. Consider this analogy: I have received a very valuable gift, but have now misplaced it. I keep returning to the idea that I must be useless, since I can’t keep track of these things. In my view, we all need to be reminded that our mistakes, regardless of how big or small they are, don’t define our character, neither do they define our value as people. We are inundated every day with the opinions and thoughts and expectations of others, as well as with criticisms and compliments, but our own voice is the one we hear the most. And that inner voice does not always tell the truth – indeed, according to the American Psychological Association, our capacity to lie to ourselves is impressive, and the frequency with which we do it aston- ishing. Consequently, it can be difficult for each one of us to understand who we really are.
The desire to understand ourselves has been around for millennia. In his book The Weariness of the Self, French author Alain Ehrenberg maps out the evolution of our understanding of depression. He explains that depression embodies both the desire to be oneself and the need to take the initiative or act, and goes on to explore all the struggles that come along with that. We’re told to be ourselves, yet when we ask for assistance, we’re asked to figure it out on our own. In this individualistic culture of ours, our constant constructing and destroying of aspects of our own personal identity leads to an increasing sense of weariness. Our identity is moulded by our interpretation of our expe- riences, but the trouble is that the dynamic social sphere changes continually. It was the Greek philosopher Hera- clitus who said, ‘No man steps in the same river twice; for it’s not the same river nor the same man.’ The discovery of who you are is not a destination to be reached, but a journey you continuously undertake. The lens through which you view the world shifts like a kaleidoscope. All your past experiences will be scrutinised under an ev- er-changing light. All your present experiences will be met with changing attitudes and approaches. And everything we experience will shape and form our understanding of who we are. But we can’t rely solely on our own interpre- tation; it’s inevitable that, living in communities as we do, we all want to know our place and hone our self-definition with the help of the views of others. The modern self-help industry has devoted copious amounts of ink to attempts to meet the ever-changing needs of our individualistic society. But although the books keep coming, we haven’t found any lasting solu- tion. Consider the irony of the situation for a moment.
space, desperately grasping at any idea of value or norm through which to identify themselves. Arguably, most of what we call communities today – schools or cities or nations – exist because of a common purpose or mission. First and foremost, these focus on the purpose rather than the person, operating within a The discovery of who you are is not a destination to be reached, but a journey you continuously undertake philosophy of conformity, and expecting their members to conform to a certain set of common standards or values. I believe we need to develop communities that are founded on a philosophy of accepting people where they are, and supporting them as they grow and develop. For this to work, the communities need to be characterised by truth, trust and affection. We are all recovering liars, and we need each others’ help in allowing and encouraging us to speak the truth, since healthy communities form healthy identities. ◎
In an effort to understand yourself better, instead of going to someone who knows you well, you download the latest bestseller of some author on the other side of the world, writing for a global readership. You are likely to come away with more questions than answers! The market for self-improvement audiobooks increases at a rate of around 20% every year. Holistic institutes and personal coaching were worth $1.29 billion in the US in 2019. The figures tell us two things: these are challenges that many people face, and no-one has yet come up with all the answers. But wait. If we can’t help our own selves, maybe it’s time we started helping each other. The most effective way to do that is to be a part of a healthy community, where individuals authentically care for one another. Most of us are lucky enough to grow up within a tight-knit group of people, but as we grow up, we increasingly choose our communities. According to author Bill Bishop, we used to be born as part of a community and had to find our place, but now we are born as individuals and have to find our community. Without the structure of community, individ- uals are left faceless and float through social and cultural
We are inundated every day with the opinions and thoughts and
This problem that we face as individuals – that of under- standing ourselves or recognising our own identity – is, according to the peace activist Gandhi, best resolved by seeking to act in the service of others. We need to form healthy communities characterised by trust and truth and affection, because healthy communities form healthy individuals. expectations of others, as well as with criticisms and compliments, but our own voice is the one we hear the most
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THE ALLEYNIAN 711
OPINION, INTERVIEWS & FEATURES
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