The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
The Despatch
Merry Christmas from the Despatch Team! (l - r: Cillian Norris, Raglan Jenen - Burgess, Alex Ardern, Jake Thurgood, Mark Gill, Sebastian Hoo, Lamech Solomon, William Beresford, Toby Kuzi - Orizu, Minjun Jee, Ferdinand Crinon, Kit Fisher, Thomas Hibbert)
The lower school’s best and only newspaper
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
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AI - the most realistic images ever?
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Bring Back DFC!
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Raleigh V Sidney
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School: To Go or Not To Go
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The History of Santa Claus
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Formula E
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Test Anxiety
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The Elemental Detectives : book and author review
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Prison Breaks, Past and Present
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History of DUCKS
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Stem V Humanities
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Jokes!
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Ukraine and Russia
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I Don ’ t Like Movies
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The Red Shoes
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More Jokes!
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Christmas Riddles
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Hands Down the Most Realistic AI Images Ever?
February 2023: Bing Chat is released for public use. It is the first AI model that can generate both text and images. Microsoft have since released another AI image generation model, which cannot generate text, using the powerful Dall - E 3. Before, AI image generators struggled to make faces and hands look realistic, as stable diffusion still does, but Dall - E 3 has no trouble doing these. Dall - E can now create images with set colour
backgrounds, as other AI models struggle with as well. Dall - E 3 is completely free and easy to use, as it has a navigable GUI. Unlike Midjourney, which comes in the form of a Discord bot, but Dall - E can be accessed online. There are, of course, other AI image generators, however none nearly as strong as Dall - E 3. Below are (l - r): Stable Diffusion, Dall - E 3 and Hotpot generating a “ ship entering a harbour ”, a “ realistic wolf ” and a “ girl with her hands on a table ”
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Where ’ s the Protein? Bring Back DFC*!
Boys without energy is a new sight in the classrooms and playground and
everyone wants to know why. The answer is clear, writes Cillian
Norris: we are lacking protein and we are being deprived of our main
source. And that is DFC!
According to a recent and highly scientific poll, all of 7R and the entire
team here at the Despatch, want DFC back on our lunch trays. Surely DFC
is unhealthy we hear you cry? But no! DFC is a good source of protein and
it is fair to say, one of the most delicious items on the menu. Since the
school knows how much we enjoy it, why is it gone? Why is our most
essential living resource being removed from us? For some unknown
reason, adults think DFC is bad for you! One adult said, “ When I was at
school, all I had to eat were pencils, but I wouldn ’ t eat DFC! ” we don ’ t
know what could have possibly happened to make this happen but our
message is this. BRING BACK DFC
*To avoid confusion, we are referring to
the Dulwich version of the popular High
Street chicken chain, KFC
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Raleigh vs Sidney WARNING!!! THIS ARTICLE CAN BE A BIT BIASED IN PARTS!!!
Sidney: red and black; Raleigh: red and white. Which is better?
Raleigh!
Why? Well long story short, we have a better house captain and a story of
winning more games. Also, Sidney was created after Raleigh, meaning
that they are copycats.
However, in truth Raleigh is the best house to be in; But the sport award
goes to Grenville. But Raleigh is getting better, but and we aim to be as
good as Grenville. Raleigh is great
at cycling and art as shown by our
recent first place in House Art and
we hope that when we do House
Art or House Cycling again, we will achieve 1 st place.
GO RALEIGH!!!
By Lamech Solomon (Raleigh!)
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Should School be Compulsory? by Mark Gill
This question has been a topic of debate for years, and there are valid
arguments on both sides.
On one hand, many believe that compulsory education is essential for a
child's development, while others argue that it can be detrimental to
their well - being. Let's explore both perspectives.
Forcing kids to go to school has its merits. Education is widely
recognized as a human right, and mandatory attendance ensures that
every child has access to it. School provides a structured environment
where kids can learn not only academic subjects but also important life
skills, such as social interaction, teamwork and time management.
Without compulsory education, some children might miss out on these
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
For some, school may be the only
seen as a violation of personal
place where they receive regular
freedom. Some argue that parents
meals, healthcare, and a stable
should have the right to choose for
environment. Mandatory attendance
their children, as long as they meet
helps ensure that vulnerable
certain educational standards.
children don't fall through the cracks
Compulsory education can strain the
of society.
parent - child relationship and create
unnecessary conflicts.
On the other hand, there are valid
arguments against forcing kids to go
In conclusion, the debate over
to school. Some children have
whether kids should be forced to go
unique learning styles or
to school is complicated. Forced
circumstances that make traditional
attendance ensures equal access to
schooling challenging or unsuitable
education and provides essential
for them. Forcing these children into
services to at - risk children. However,
a one - size - fits - all system can lead to
it can ruin people ’ s personal
frustration, anxiety, and a disinterest
freedoms, and be harmful for those
in learning.
with unique educational needs.
It's important to consider
Ultimately, the key may lie in
alternative educational options, such
finding a balance between
as homeschooling or specialized
compulsory education and allowing
programs, to cater to these
flexibility for those who require
individual needs. Additionally,
alternative educational approaches.
forcing people to go to school can be
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
The History of Santa Claus
Northern Europe is where we first
these Christmas figures to fuse into
have evidence of human creative
one: Santa Claus, a man who loves
figures like Santa Claus. Northern
food, who has a reindeer you
Europe is dark, cold and depressing
should leave a carrot for, and
during the winter months so it
dresses in red and white. This figure
would make sense that figures such
is celebrated in the poem, The
as Saint Nick from the Netherlands,
Night Before Christmas, written in
who dresses in red and white like a
1823. Originally called A Visit From
Bishop, and rides a white horse
St Nick, it tells us about a magical
called Amerigo, for whom Dutch
man landing on the roof of a house
children leave out a carrot and
and owning a reindeer, but this
whose name in Dutch is Sinterklaas;
figure was always referred to as the
and Father Christmas from England
Dutch Saint Nick, who was very
- a jolly Pagan who dresses in green
small, like an elf from Northern
and has a holly wreath on his head,
Europe. As the 1800s progressed,
who is more concerned with food
Santa gained a wife and a
and wine then with children, both
workforce of elves, thanks to
come from places in Northern
American books and pictures. Coca
Europe.
Cola used Santa to advertise their
product, exporting Santa across the
During the age of colonization,
globe, resulting in those of us in the
these characters were exported to
UK referring to the bearded present
America by settlers. This resulted in
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
- giver as Santa and Father Christmas interchangeably. In the Netherlands
Saint Nick is still holding out against Santa. Countries have also staked
claims to where Santa lives. His previous home on the Magnet North Pole
has moved off the ice sheet and into the Arctic Ocean. Canada claims
Santa lives somewhere in the territory of Nunavut, with his postcode as,
‘ HOH OHO ’, and Santa has received full Canadian citizenship. America
claims Santa lives in the town of North Pole, Alaska, and Denmark says
Santa lives in the old Danish colony of Greenland, and Greenland
unsurprisingly agrees! Finland has even built Santa his own workshop in
Rovaniemi, where you can even visit Santa in the off season.
Thank you for reading and merry Christmas!
By Thomas Hibbert
From Grid to Green: How Formula E is Shaking Up Racing
The year is 2011. On the evening of March 3rd, FIA President Jean Todt and
Spanish businessman and
Formula E Chairman Alejandro
Agag, meet in a Paris restaurant
and gather their thoughts on
what will become the world's
first all - electric international
single - seater championship.
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Formula E ’ s founding mission was
wacky rules in Formula E: Until last
for its races to take place through
year there was a rule called fan
the streets of the most iconic cities
boost where the drivers would get
in the world - with a grid full of the
boosted depending on who the
best racing drivers and teams
fans were voting for!!! Also, there is
around - to show just what electric
no DRS* in Formula E; instead there
cars were capable of. They wanted
are speed boost pads on the
to drive electric vehicles to the fore
ground to help drivers overtake,
in the race for a better, cleaner
just like the orange boost in Mario
future.
kart!!! All in all, Formula E is the
future, although there is a long
After three months, a deal first
time before Formula E is able to
written on a napkin at a French café
become the mainstream of racing,
was brought to life. After lots and
not the so called off brand rip - off of
lots of planning and test cars,
Formula 1 that people say it is
Formula E made its debut in the
today.
grounds of the Olympic Park in
Beijing in 2014. Since then it has
* The term stands for drag
grown into a global entertainment
reduction system, a controversial
brand with motorsport at its heart.
mechanism controlled by the driver.
Now, with 12 teams and 24 drivers
With the press of a button in
on the grid, the championship has
specific zones, the rear wing can
become a destination for the
open on F1 cars.
world's best motorsport teams and
By William Beresford
racing talent. Here are some of the
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Test Anxiety
In the current education system,
However, test anxiety can be
tests have become an integral part
negated by making lifestyle
of a student ’ s life,
changes. A good night ’ s sleep will
writes Toby Kuzi - Orizu.
make you well - rested and therefore
For example, at Dulwich College
more relaxed, which means you will
most pupils have to sit a test in all
be more likely to perform well
their subjects every half term. Tests
during your test. Also, having
are commonly used to detect if
something to eat or drink is
pupils understand what they are
important as you will be able to
being taught in lessons and help
concentrate better if you are not
them know to improve on topics
they did not score well on.
However, students can often feel
pressured to score well on tests by
their parents or peers. While some
can use this pressure as motivation
to perform better during tests, for
most people this makes them
hungry or thirsty. Additionally, it is a
stressed and get lower marks on
clever idea to form a study group
tests. An estimated 40 - 60% of
with your friends, as if you are
students feel severe test anxiety
confident in your knowledge of the
and it is a huge issue due to our
subject, you will be less likely to
test - based education system.
feel stressed about it.
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
The Elemental Detectives
A novel by Patrice Lawrence
This novel, set in Victorian London, tells
the story of Robert Strong and
Maryseem, who are trying to figure out
why everyone other than them has
been sent to sleep by a yellow fog that
hangs around the victim's mouth. They
must find Marysee ’ s grandma who dis-
appeared at the start of the story. She
was the Keeper of the Wells and every
weekend she would descend into the
well to collect water from the mysteri-
ous Chads - water spirits that live in the
steams. As well as the Chads There are the Fumi - air spirits - and Dragons,
which are made up of lots of little creatures that either join up to form a
dragon, or remain small so that they can hide in all the corners of a dark
room or cracks of the street.
This is an exciting book with lots of twists and turns that guide you
around a dark and mysterious story and an unknown villain. Marysee must
try and work out what the sleep illness is and to combat it, and together
the children must speak to ghosts and the different spirits to find their way
to the end of this problem.
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Patrice Lawrence was inspired by
in the Raymond Chandler
the story of an 18th centrury slave
Library. Ms Lawrence explained
called Jonathon Strong who was
how she was brought up by her
treated badly by his master. One
mum, who was from Trinidad, and
day his master decided that he was
her Italian dad. She told us that
no use because of his injuries and
people constantly ask about this,
thus he was thrown out onto the
wondering if he was her real dad as
streets where he was rescued by
their skin was not the same colour.
William Sharp. William Sharp
She put this childhood experience
helped stich him up and get back to
into one of her books, Is That Your
full health. Unfortunately, he died
Mama? which she hopes will help
soon after and was forgotten by
children with parents like hers, or
most of history.
any parents with difference. In the
talk she also showed many photos
Patrice Lawrence based Robert
of her childhood and time with her
Strong in the book on Jonathon
family which gave you a very good
Strong so that she could give him a
understanding of her past. Some of
voice.
By Jake Thurgood
them were cute as well as quite
Patrice Lawrence Author Visit On Wednesday 4 th October Patrice
funny. It was a very interesting and
intriguing talk, not only about her
books but also her inspirations and
her life.
Lawrence, author of TSBA
shortlisted book Needles , took part
By Mark Gill
in a virtual author visit held upstairs
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
who are typically selected to work in
Pluckiest Prison Breaks, Past and Present
kitchens have a record of being
reliable and trustworthy. Lord
Carlisle, barrister and former
independent reviewer of terrorism
On Thursday the 7 th of September,
legislation, told the BBC it was "mind
Daniel Khalife escaped Wandsworth
- boggling" that a terrorist could work
prison.
in the kitchen with access to knives.
The 21 - year - old was convicted of
This is utterly ridiculous. BidFood
trying to spy for an enemy state,
stated that their driver had “ fully
understood to be Iran, and plotting a
cooperated with the police ”. The
fake bomb in the military. It is
driver's identity has not been
believed that he clung to the
released. Detectives believe Khalife
underside of a BidFood lorry
was still wearing his prison - issue
delivering food to the prison. Daniel
cook's uniform when he slipped out
Khalife was working in the prison ’ s
of the low security prison. A
kitchens, where he was able to
question on everyone ’ s lips is: why
escape to the deliveries entrance
was a terrorist in a low security
and cling on to the truck. Prison
prison in the least secure section?
officers choose very carefully who
"They only had 69 prison officers on
gets to work in kitchens as they are
duty, during this escape they should
full of knives and other dangerous
have had at least 120 prison officers
equipment. Because of the
on duty," Mark Fairhurst said. This is
deliveries, they are also an obvious
obviously a horrendous slip - up
potential escape route and inmates
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
which shouldn't've happened, and Wandsworth prison should've had a lot
more security. Khalife was arrested on a towpath near Rowdell Road,
Northolt on Saturday 9th September following a police operation led by
officers from the Met's Counter Terrorism Command. He will appear at the
Old Bailey on the 29th of September, facing charges including
terrorism and violating the Prison Act 1952.
By Seb Hoo
The most daring escapes from captivity in the past include:
William Maxwell was the 5th Earl of Nithsdale. He took part in the Jacobite
rising of 1715. He was imprisoned for treason and was awaiting execution.
The day before Maxwell ’ s execution, he escaped from the Tower, thanks to a
daring plot from his wife. Using items smuggled into the Tower on previous
visits, the countess had her husband disguise himself as Maxwell ’ s wife ’ s
housekeeper – not an easy feat, given that the Earl had a long dark beard!
John Dillinger was arrested for robbing a
bank in Bluffton, Ohio immediately after
being paroled from his prison. Dillinger
escaped during morning exercises with 15
other inmates after producing a pistol said
to have been carved from a shelf in his
room with a razor. On March 16, Herbert
Youngblood, who escaped from the prison
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
alongside Dillinger, was shot dead by police in Port Huron, Michigan, 318
miles away from the prison.
Joaquin Guzman Loera, better known as ‘ El Chapo, ’ was a notorious
Mexican drug trafficker and leader of the Sinaloa cartel. He has escaped
from two separate high - security Mexican prisons. In 2001, Chapo made
his first jailbreak, wheeled out of the prison in a laundry cart by a guard.
El Chapo remained at large until 2014, when he was recaptured and sent
to Altiplano prison, the highest security prison in Mexico.
An Accidental Beginning
DUCKS (Dulwich College Kindergarten and Infant school) was not started on purpose.
It was 1991, and the College nurse, Sister Dorothy Simmonds - Abbott was
requested to look after the young son of a staff member. After this, more
and more staff members put their children in daytime care at the
College, and from this arose DUCKS in a couple of rooms in the
Sanatorium. When Eller Bank was bought by DC, it was decided to move
DUCKS there. Unfortunately, a fire in 1996 destroyed most of the old
building behind the main house. After this, a new wooden building was
constructed which was opened by Sir Robin Butler in 1997. The new
building took the place of an old bowling green. Numbers of students
have been slowly rising, from five in 1992 to over two hundred today. In
2001 DUCKS formally became part of Dulwich College, the only part to be
co - ed. Recently, a forest school was established, to teach the children
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
woodcraft and gardening. There are many activities now, such as plays,
workshops and fairs. Older College students can volunteer to help out at
the school as well. Over the years,
many other Dulwich College infant
schools have been established
around the world, always called
DUCKS. Altogether, with all the
international DUCKSs, there are
over 2,300 ducklings.
By Kit Fisher
STEM Vs HUMANITIES
STEM and Humanities are the two pillars of learning both inside and outside the curriculum, writes Raglan Jenen - Burgess
STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths. Humaniti e s
include Art, Music, English, History, Geography, RT, Drama and Languages.
Without these our world couldn ’ t function. But what if there could only be
one? What if you had to choose? This is STEM vs. Humanities!!
STEM explains our world from a scientific perspective. Using STEM, we
have learned how black holes work, how birds fly, how to develop
genetically modified food and so, so much more. Without STEM, humans
could not have gone to the moon, developed skyscrapers or made
innovations in everything from communications to cooking. In STEM there
is almost always a right or wrong with no shades of grey, with a scientific
process behind everything.
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
STEM provides a scientific framework through which we understand our
world. STEM has allowed us to innovate and explore. Indeed, our world is
looking towards STEM for answers to global problems such as climate
change. But what if we only had Humanities? What then? Humanities, as
the name suggests, is the study of humanity and what we humans have
created. Without Humanities no books would be written, no TV would be
produced and no games would be made or played. Anywhere you look,
the humanities are there,
whether it's prayers in a church,
mosque or synagogue, to books
in a library. As the world becomes
more divided, communication
and understanding others becomes more and more important. Even if
STEM can provide a technical solution to climate change, it takes politics,
communication and global cooperation – Humanities – to make it
happen. At the heart of humanities is the basic desire to create and
communicate. It is nearly impossible to imagine a world without
humanities.
In conclusion, although STEM has helped us understand how our world
works and has brought us major improvements in our daily lives, I believe
Humanities are more valuable. If humans were to be wiped out, and an
alien came to earth, Humanities will tell our story. Because of this,
Humanities wins!
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
JOKES!
Russian dolls are so full of themselves.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘ How do you drive this thing? ’
Just burned 2,000 calories. That is the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap
My sister said I could not make a car out of linguine. Her face was shocked when I drove pasta.
Build a man a fire and he ’ ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he ’ ll be warm for the rest of his life Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I don ’ t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.
I ’ m reading a book about anti - gravity. It ’ s impossible to put down.
Atheism is a non - prophet organization
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you ’ re a mile away and you have their shoes.
The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘ Watch for children, ’ and I thought, ‘ That sounds like a fair trade. ’
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Ukraine and Russia: their Historical Ties By Thomas Hibbert
Ukraine, Russia, and Belarus have major historical ties, ranging back to the
Viking Age when the Vikings founded the Kingdom of Kievan Rus.
This was kingdom that was born out of trading outposts on the way to the
lucrative capital of Constantinople. The Vikings intermingled, and married
into the local Slavic population, just like other Vikings did in northern
England. Kievan Rus bordered many dangerous tribes such as the
Pechenegs and the Khazars, so warriors were in demand to protect their
tribe.
Harald Hardrada was one such warrior. He served in the Rus army, and
like many others, went on to serve in the Varangian Guard, an elite
fighting core of soldiers for the Byzantines, one that the Rus was
instrumental in creating. Hardrada met his end at the Battle of Stanford
Bridge in 1066,
A new tribe, the Cumans, arrived on the scene, and the Byzantines
began to slowly crumble, losing valuable trade for the Rus in the 1000s.
Kievan Rus stumbled on for two more centuries, losing land, trade, and
power thanks to internal and external war, until 1238, when they were
subdued by the Mongols and turned into a puppet Mongols.
Moscow then began to develop into an economic powerhouse in the
region. The new Duchy of Muscovy expanded into Mongol and Lithuanian
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
territory. This period of rapid expansion began in 1380, when a coalition
defeated the Mongols, until 1547, when Ivan the terrible ascended to the
rank of Tsar. He conquered and settled vast swathes of land, seized parts
of Livonia, taking previously Muslim territory, before descending into
madness that led him to kill his own son, the heir to the throne, before
dying in 1584.
The Rurik Dynasty, that had led Muscovy and Kievan Rus for seven
centuries, was extinguished, and after 10 years of civil war, Micheal
Romanov was elected Tsar of Russia in 1613. Notably, across the span of
three centuries, Russia expanded, adding territory, including modern day
Ukraine. Russia discovered Alaska, settled new land in Siberia, and fought
wars against Sweden, Poland, Lithuania, and the Ottomans. Catherine the
Great of Russia also founded the warm water ports of Odessa and
Sevastopol in Crimea. This would be a major reason for Russian invasion
in the future as Russia needed ports that would not be frozen all year
round. After the defeat of
Napoleon at Waterloo, this
and other factors led to
the Crimean War, where
Russia lost its access to
threaten the Ottomans on
the Black Sea.
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
In 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo. This
began WW1 and launched Europe into a state of almost total war.
Russia joined the Triple Entente and were decisively defeated by the
Germans at the Second Battle of Tannenberg, leaving Russia struggling
to survive, leading to Lenin taking over the country. The Bolsheviks
agreed to a heavy peace deal at the Treaty of Brest - Litovsk, and Russia
began a massive civil war that saw millions die of famine. After the civil
war the Bolsheviks retook lost territory, including Ukraine, and Stalin
took over from Lenin after his death. Then came WW2, during which
850,000 - 1.6 million Ukrainian Jews were massacred. The Iron Curtain
was drawn up after the war and Ukraine became a vital part of Soviet
agriculture and economy. In 1991 the Soviet Union collapsed, and
Ukraine became an independent nation.
Since independence, Ukraine has faced several problems. In 2004, the
election for president was full of corruption and fraudulent claims.
There have been pro and anti - Russian candidates taking part in
elections, and Ukraine has been split apart by this divide.
History shows that Ukraine and Russia are connected, and this link is
continued in the present day with the names of the two politicians.
Putin ’ s first name is Vladimir, which in Ukrainian is directly translated to
Volodymyr, the first name of Zelensky, the president of Ukraine.
Ideologically, many Ukrainians are undisputedly Ukrainian, and Ukraine
includes Crimea, Luhansk, and Donetsk. On the other side many
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Ukrainians feel, at least in part, Russian and speak Russian. Putin ’ s
war on Ukraine has been predicted to go on for years, a conflict that
you could argue, dates to the golden age of Vikings.
I Don ’ t Like Movies! (or at least video game adaptations)
OK. Let's talk about movies or at least the latest trend in movie
making: Taking a video game that people like, throwing some famous
actors at it and turning it into a movie. Millions of people have seen
hits that are video game adaptations, for instance “ The Super Mario
Bros Movie ”, or “ The Last of Us ”. Now I am not saying these are not
good films, but I feel they are boring or even lacklustre in comparison
to the original game. Let's use “ The Super Mario Bros Movie" as an
example. It is a good film, but the story is nothing new, nothing to
make you excited about. It ’ s just the same old story about a princess
getting kidnapped - no exciting flare or story that delves into a new
realm from the video game character.
This trend has been seen before, but last time video adaptations
were popular the films flopped enormously - and sometimes for
obvious reasons. For instance here
are the Goombas from the original
1993 Super Mario Bros live action
Movie:
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
Definitely fuel for your nightmares.
Though this image on its own could have been the reason for the flop, I
think having live action versions of popular games is really the worst of the
worst. This is because when animating characters, you can make them look
like the original reference, but with a live action movie you have to assign
actors who look nothing like the original video game character. For
example, in the upcoming Minecraft: The Movie
it has been announced that Jason Momoa who
plays Aquaman in the DC movies and looks like
this:
Will be playing Steve.
What also prompted me to write this article is
that Nintendo is making a live action version of The Legend of Zelda which
I can only imagine has an 80% chance of being awful!
I think overall that live action remakes are stupid and should have
stopped after the 1993 Mario movie! Though I think that if film makers are
loyal and correct to the original material but also have a new story then
these movies of tv shows can be better by a country mile.
By William Beresford
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The Red Shoes: Behind the Scenes
The Red Shoes was the Lower School production of 2023. It was excellent
(if I may say so myself), with all sorts of roles and a wonderfully dark story.
So, let me lead you along the twisted paths of this tale …
There were three ensembles, each rehearsing in turn on Tuesdays,
Wednesdays and Thursdays for an entire term, leading up to three full
performances in the week prior to Founder ’ s Day.
The performances included some stage magic: in the first act Jack
(played by Arun Slatter) was forced into a small box, and had magically
disappeared by the time the box was destroyed. This was achieved by Jack
walking out of the box behind two other actors after the front had been
constructed but before the back had been put together. The second piece of
magic may have been a little more obvious. The Child (played by Cassius
Flemyng) supposedly had his feet cut off. This was done by some people
flinging red petals out to the sides, as a distraction and to represent blood,
while others put red bandages around his ankles.
The production was deemed a success, but sadly it will not be
performed again very soon.
It is goodbye to The Red
Shoes, and hello to
whatever we ’ re doing for
the next Lower School
Production in 2024.
By Kit Fisher
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
MORE JOKES!
What is green, covered in Christmas lights and Christmas bulbs, and goes ribbit? A mistle - toad.
How do sheep say Merry Christmas to each oth- er? Fleece Navidad.
What is every parent's favourite Christmas song? Silent Night!
Why did Rudolph have to attend summer school? Because he went down in history.
How did Joseph and Mary weigh baby Jesus at birth? They had a weigh in the manger.
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red - Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
Why did the scarecrow get a big Christmas bonus? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What is a vegan ’ s favorite Christmas carol? Soy to the World. Elves use what kind of money? Jingle bills.
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
What do they sing at a snowman ’ s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there's myrrh.
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The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
CHRISTMAS RIDDLES!
1. I come with many colours, very big and bright, I turn so many houses into a beautiful sight. What am I?
2. I ’ m a cookie you might like to eat, and some might say I ’ m a flavoured Christmas treat. I have brown arms, eyes, and don ’ t forget my feet. What am I?
3. If the end of the year is December 31st, what is the end of Christmas?
4. Where do you find Santa's reindeer?
5. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
6. What do you call Christmas after all the Christmas gifts have been opened?
7. Why can't a Christmas tree stand up?
8. What holiday songs do fish sing?
SEE BACK PAGE FOR ANSWERS
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THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023
The people who make the Despatch possible: Staff Editors Ms Judet and Ms McGuinness Student Editors/Writers William and Sebastian Writing Team Ferdinand, Raglan, Thomas, Toby, Kit, Lamech, Alex, Jake, Mark, Cillian, Minjun Foreign Correspondent: Jenson
Christmas Riddle Answers
1. Christmas Lights 2. A gingerbread man 3. The letter ’ s ’ 4. It depends on where you left them 5. In the dictionary 6. Christmess 7. It doesn't have legs 8. Christmas Corals
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