The Despatch Christmas Edition 2023

The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

The Despatch

Merry Christmas from the Despatch Team! (l - r: Cillian Norris, Raglan Jenen - Burgess, Alex Ardern, Jake Thurgood, Mark Gill, Sebastian Hoo, Lamech Solomon, William Beresford, Toby Kuzi - Orizu, Minjun Jee, Ferdinand Crinon, Kit Fisher, Thomas Hibbert)

The lower school’s best and only newspaper


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023


AI - the most realistic images ever?


Bring Back DFC!


Raleigh V Sidney


School: To Go or Not To Go


The History of Santa Claus


Formula E


Test Anxiety


The Elemental Detectives : book and author review


Prison Breaks, Past and Present


History of DUCKS


Stem V Humanities




Ukraine and Russia


I Don ’ t Like Movies


The Red Shoes


More Jokes!


Christmas Riddles


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Hands Down the Most Realistic AI Images Ever?

February 2023: Bing Chat is released for public use. It is the first AI model that can generate both text and images. Microsoft have since released another AI image generation model, which cannot generate text, using the powerful Dall - E 3. Before, AI image generators struggled to make faces and hands look realistic, as stable diffusion still does, but Dall - E 3 has no trouble doing these. Dall - E can now create images with set colour

backgrounds, as other AI models struggle with as well. Dall - E 3 is completely free and easy to use, as it has a navigable GUI. Unlike Midjourney, which comes in the form of a Discord bot, but Dall - E can be accessed online. There are, of course, other AI image generators, however none nearly as strong as Dall - E 3. Below are (l - r): Stable Diffusion, Dall - E 3 and Hotpot generating a “ ship entering a harbour ”, a “ realistic wolf ” and a “ girl with her hands on a table ”


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Where ’ s the Protein? Bring Back DFC*!

Boys without energy is a new sight in the classrooms and playground and

everyone wants to know why. The answer is clear, writes Cillian

Norris: we are lacking protein and we are being deprived of our main

source. And that is DFC!

According to a recent and highly scientific poll, all of 7R and the entire

team here at the Despatch, want DFC back on our lunch trays. Surely DFC

is unhealthy we hear you cry? But no! DFC is a good source of protein and

it is fair to say, one of the most delicious items on the menu. Since the

school knows how much we enjoy it, why is it gone? Why is our most

essential living resource being removed from us? For some unknown

reason, adults think DFC is bad for you! One adult said, “ When I was at

school, all I had to eat were pencils, but I wouldn ’ t eat DFC! ” we don ’ t

know what could have possibly happened to make this happen but our

message is this. BRING BACK DFC

*To avoid confusion, we are referring to

the Dulwich version of the popular High

Street chicken chain, KFC


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023


Sidney: red and black; Raleigh: red and white. Which is better?


Why? Well long story short, we have a better house captain and a story of

winning more games. Also, Sidney was created after Raleigh, meaning

that they are copycats.

However, in truth Raleigh is the best house to be in; But the sport award

goes to Grenville. But Raleigh is getting better, but and we aim to be as

good as Grenville. Raleigh is great

at cycling and art as shown by our

recent first place in House Art and

we hope that when we do House

Art or House Cycling again, we will achieve 1 st place.


By Lamech Solomon (Raleigh!)


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Should School be Compulsory? by Mark Gill

This question has been a topic of debate for years, and there are valid

arguments on both sides.

On one hand, many believe that compulsory education is essential for a

child's development, while others argue that it can be detrimental to

their well - being. Let's explore both perspectives.

Forcing kids to go to school has its merits. Education is widely

recognized as a human right, and mandatory attendance ensures that

every child has access to it. School provides a structured environment

where kids can learn not only academic subjects but also important life

skills, such as social interaction, teamwork and time management.

Without compulsory education, some children might miss out on these


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

For some, school may be the only

seen as a violation of personal

place where they receive regular

freedom. Some argue that parents

meals, healthcare, and a stable

should have the right to choose for

environment. Mandatory attendance

their children, as long as they meet

helps ensure that vulnerable

certain educational standards.

children don't fall through the cracks

Compulsory education can strain the

of society.

parent - child relationship and create

unnecessary conflicts.

On the other hand, there are valid

arguments against forcing kids to go

In conclusion, the debate over

to school. Some children have

whether kids should be forced to go

unique learning styles or

to school is complicated. Forced

circumstances that make traditional

attendance ensures equal access to

schooling challenging or unsuitable

education and provides essential

for them. Forcing these children into

services to at - risk children. However,

a one - size - fits - all system can lead to

it can ruin people ’ s personal

frustration, anxiety, and a disinterest

freedoms, and be harmful for those

in learning.

with unique educational needs.

It's important to consider

Ultimately, the key may lie in

alternative educational options, such

finding a balance between

as homeschooling or specialized

compulsory education and allowing

programs, to cater to these

flexibility for those who require

individual needs. Additionally,

alternative educational approaches.

forcing people to go to school can be


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

The History of Santa Claus

Northern Europe is where we first

these Christmas figures to fuse into

have evidence of human creative

one: Santa Claus, a man who loves

figures like Santa Claus. Northern

food, who has a reindeer you

Europe is dark, cold and depressing

should leave a carrot for, and

during the winter months so it

dresses in red and white. This figure

would make sense that figures such

is celebrated in the poem, The

as Saint Nick from the Netherlands,

Night Before Christmas, written in

who dresses in red and white like a

1823. Originally called A Visit From

Bishop, and rides a white horse

St Nick, it tells us about a magical

called Amerigo, for whom Dutch

man landing on the roof of a house

children leave out a carrot and

and owning a reindeer, but this

whose name in Dutch is Sinterklaas;

figure was always referred to as the

and Father Christmas from England

Dutch Saint Nick, who was very

- a jolly Pagan who dresses in green

small, like an elf from Northern

and has a holly wreath on his head,

Europe. As the 1800s progressed,

who is more concerned with food

Santa gained a wife and a

and wine then with children, both

workforce of elves, thanks to

come from places in Northern

American books and pictures. Coca


Cola used Santa to advertise their

product, exporting Santa across the

During the age of colonization,

globe, resulting in those of us in the

these characters were exported to

UK referring to the bearded present

America by settlers. This resulted in


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

- giver as Santa and Father Christmas interchangeably. In the Netherlands

Saint Nick is still holding out against Santa. Countries have also staked

claims to where Santa lives. His previous home on the Magnet North Pole

has moved off the ice sheet and into the Arctic Ocean. Canada claims

Santa lives somewhere in the territory of Nunavut, with his postcode as,

‘ HOH OHO ’, and Santa has received full Canadian citizenship. America

claims Santa lives in the town of North Pole, Alaska, and Denmark says

Santa lives in the old Danish colony of Greenland, and Greenland

unsurprisingly agrees! Finland has even built Santa his own workshop in

Rovaniemi, where you can even visit Santa in the off season.

Thank you for reading and merry Christmas!

By Thomas Hibbert

From Grid to Green: How Formula E is Shaking Up Racing

The year is 2011. On the evening of March 3rd, FIA President Jean Todt and

Spanish businessman and

Formula E Chairman Alejandro

Agag, meet in a Paris restaurant

and gather their thoughts on

what will become the world's

first all - electric international

single - seater championship.


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Formula E ’ s founding mission was

wacky rules in Formula E: Until last

for its races to take place through

year there was a rule called fan

the streets of the most iconic cities

boost where the drivers would get

in the world - with a grid full of the

boosted depending on who the

best racing drivers and teams

fans were voting for!!! Also, there is

around - to show just what electric

no DRS* in Formula E; instead there

cars were capable of. They wanted

are speed boost pads on the

to drive electric vehicles to the fore

ground to help drivers overtake,

in the race for a better, cleaner

just like the orange boost in Mario


kart!!! All in all, Formula E is the

future, although there is a long

After three months, a deal first

time before Formula E is able to

written on a napkin at a French café

become the mainstream of racing,

was brought to life. After lots and

not the so called off brand rip - off of

lots of planning and test cars,

Formula 1 that people say it is

Formula E made its debut in the


grounds of the Olympic Park in

Beijing in 2014. Since then it has

* The term stands for drag

grown into a global entertainment

reduction system, a controversial

brand with motorsport at its heart.

mechanism controlled by the driver.

Now, with 12 teams and 24 drivers

With the press of a button in

on the grid, the championship has

specific zones, the rear wing can

become a destination for the

open on F1 cars.

world's best motorsport teams and

By William Beresford

racing talent. Here are some of the


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Test Anxiety

In the current education system,

However, test anxiety can be

tests have become an integral part

negated by making lifestyle

of a student ’ s life,

changes. A good night ’ s sleep will

writes Toby Kuzi - Orizu.

make you well - rested and therefore

For example, at Dulwich College

more relaxed, which means you will

most pupils have to sit a test in all

be more likely to perform well

their subjects every half term. Tests

during your test. Also, having

are commonly used to detect if

something to eat or drink is

pupils understand what they are

important as you will be able to

being taught in lessons and help

concentrate better if you are not

them know to improve on topics

they did not score well on.

However, students can often feel

pressured to score well on tests by

their parents or peers. While some

can use this pressure as motivation

to perform better during tests, for

most people this makes them

hungry or thirsty. Additionally, it is a

stressed and get lower marks on

clever idea to form a study group

tests. An estimated 40 - 60% of

with your friends, as if you are

students feel severe test anxiety

confident in your knowledge of the

and it is a huge issue due to our

subject, you will be less likely to

test - based education system.

feel stressed about it.


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

The Elemental Detectives

A novel by Patrice Lawrence

This novel, set in Victorian London, tells

the story of Robert Strong and

Maryseem, who are trying to figure out

why everyone other than them has

been sent to sleep by a yellow fog that

hangs around the victim's mouth. They

must find Marysee ’ s grandma who dis-

appeared at the start of the story. She

was the Keeper of the Wells and every

weekend she would descend into the

well to collect water from the mysteri-

ous Chads - water spirits that live in the

steams. As well as the Chads There are the Fumi - air spirits - and Dragons,

which are made up of lots of little creatures that either join up to form a

dragon, or remain small so that they can hide in all the corners of a dark

room or cracks of the street.

This is an exciting book with lots of twists and turns that guide you

around a dark and mysterious story and an unknown villain. Marysee must

try and work out what the sleep illness is and to combat it, and together

the children must speak to ghosts and the different spirits to find their way

to the end of this problem.


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Patrice Lawrence was inspired by

in the Raymond Chandler

the story of an 18th centrury slave

Library. Ms Lawrence explained

called Jonathon Strong who was

how she was brought up by her

treated badly by his master. One

mum, who was from Trinidad, and

day his master decided that he was

her Italian dad. She told us that

no use because of his injuries and

people constantly ask about this,

thus he was thrown out onto the

wondering if he was her real dad as

streets where he was rescued by

their skin was not the same colour.

William Sharp. William Sharp

She put this childhood experience

helped stich him up and get back to

into one of her books, Is That Your

full health. Unfortunately, he died

Mama? which she hopes will help

soon after and was forgotten by

children with parents like hers, or

most of history.

any parents with difference. In the

talk she also showed many photos

Patrice Lawrence based Robert

of her childhood and time with her

Strong in the book on Jonathon

family which gave you a very good

Strong so that she could give him a

understanding of her past. Some of


By Jake Thurgood

them were cute as well as quite

Patrice Lawrence Author Visit On Wednesday 4 th October Patrice

funny. It was a very interesting and

intriguing talk, not only about her

books but also her inspirations and

her life.

Lawrence, author of TSBA

shortlisted book Needles , took part

By Mark Gill

in a virtual author visit held upstairs


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

who are typically selected to work in

Pluckiest Prison Breaks, Past and Present

kitchens have a record of being

reliable and trustworthy. Lord

Carlisle, barrister and former

independent reviewer of terrorism

On Thursday the 7 th of September,

legislation, told the BBC it was "mind

Daniel Khalife escaped Wandsworth

- boggling" that a terrorist could work


in the kitchen with access to knives.

The 21 - year - old was convicted of

This is utterly ridiculous. BidFood

trying to spy for an enemy state,

stated that their driver had “ fully

understood to be Iran, and plotting a

cooperated with the police ”. The

fake bomb in the military. It is

driver's identity has not been

believed that he clung to the

released. Detectives believe Khalife

underside of a BidFood lorry

was still wearing his prison - issue

delivering food to the prison. Daniel

cook's uniform when he slipped out

Khalife was working in the prison ’ s

of the low security prison. A

kitchens, where he was able to

question on everyone ’ s lips is: why

escape to the deliveries entrance

was a terrorist in a low security

and cling on to the truck. Prison

prison in the least secure section?

officers choose very carefully who

"They only had 69 prison officers on

gets to work in kitchens as they are

duty, during this escape they should

full of knives and other dangerous

have had at least 120 prison officers

equipment. Because of the

on duty," Mark Fairhurst said. This is

deliveries, they are also an obvious

obviously a horrendous slip - up

potential escape route and inmates


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

which shouldn't've happened, and Wandsworth prison should've had a lot

more security. Khalife was arrested on a towpath near Rowdell Road,

Northolt on Saturday 9th September following a police operation led by

officers from the Met's Counter Terrorism Command. He will appear at the

Old Bailey on the 29th of September, facing charges including

terrorism and violating the Prison Act 1952.

By Seb Hoo

The most daring escapes from captivity in the past include:

William Maxwell was the 5th Earl of Nithsdale. He took part in the Jacobite

rising of 1715. He was imprisoned for treason and was awaiting execution.

The day before Maxwell ’ s execution, he escaped from the Tower, thanks to a

daring plot from his wife. Using items smuggled into the Tower on previous

visits, the countess had her husband disguise himself as Maxwell ’ s wife ’ s

housekeeper – not an easy feat, given that the Earl had a long dark beard!

John Dillinger was arrested for robbing a

bank in Bluffton, Ohio immediately after

being paroled from his prison. Dillinger

escaped during morning exercises with 15

other inmates after producing a pistol said

to have been carved from a shelf in his

room with a razor. On March 16, Herbert

Youngblood, who escaped from the prison


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

alongside Dillinger, was shot dead by police in Port Huron, Michigan, 318

miles away from the prison.

Joaquin Guzman Loera, better known as ‘ El Chapo, ’ was a notorious

Mexican drug trafficker and leader of the Sinaloa cartel. He has escaped

from two separate high - security Mexican prisons. In 2001, Chapo made

his first jailbreak, wheeled out of the prison in a laundry cart by a guard.

El Chapo remained at large until 2014, when he was recaptured and sent

to Altiplano prison, the highest security prison in Mexico.

An Accidental Beginning

DUCKS (Dulwich College Kindergarten and Infant school) was not started on purpose.

It was 1991, and the College nurse, Sister Dorothy Simmonds - Abbott was

requested to look after the young son of a staff member. After this, more

and more staff members put their children in daytime care at the

College, and from this arose DUCKS in a couple of rooms in the

Sanatorium. When Eller Bank was bought by DC, it was decided to move

DUCKS there. Unfortunately, a fire in 1996 destroyed most of the old

building behind the main house. After this, a new wooden building was

constructed which was opened by Sir Robin Butler in 1997. The new

building took the place of an old bowling green. Numbers of students

have been slowly rising, from five in 1992 to over two hundred today. In

2001 DUCKS formally became part of Dulwich College, the only part to be

co - ed. Recently, a forest school was established, to teach the children


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

woodcraft and gardening. There are many activities now, such as plays,

workshops and fairs. Older College students can volunteer to help out at

the school as well. Over the years,

many other Dulwich College infant

schools have been established

around the world, always called

DUCKS. Altogether, with all the

international DUCKSs, there are

over 2,300 ducklings.

By Kit Fisher


STEM and Humanities are the two pillars of learning both inside and outside the curriculum, writes Raglan Jenen - Burgess

STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths. Humaniti e s

include Art, Music, English, History, Geography, RT, Drama and Languages.

Without these our world couldn ’ t function. But what if there could only be

one? What if you had to choose? This is STEM vs. Humanities!!

STEM explains our world from a scientific perspective. Using STEM, we

have learned how black holes work, how birds fly, how to develop

genetically modified food and so, so much more. Without STEM, humans

could not have gone to the moon, developed skyscrapers or made

innovations in everything from communications to cooking. In STEM there

is almost always a right or wrong with no shades of grey, with a scientific

process behind everything.


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

STEM provides a scientific framework through which we understand our

world. STEM has allowed us to innovate and explore. Indeed, our world is

looking towards STEM for answers to global problems such as climate

change. But what if we only had Humanities? What then? Humanities, as

the name suggests, is the study of humanity and what we humans have

created. Without Humanities no books would be written, no TV would be

produced and no games would be made or played. Anywhere you look,

the humanities are there,

whether it's prayers in a church,

mosque or synagogue, to books

in a library. As the world becomes

more divided, communication

and understanding others becomes more and more important. Even if

STEM can provide a technical solution to climate change, it takes politics,

communication and global cooperation – Humanities – to make it

happen. At the heart of humanities is the basic desire to create and

communicate. It is nearly impossible to imagine a world without


In conclusion, although STEM has helped us understand how our world

works and has brought us major improvements in our daily lives, I believe

Humanities are more valuable. If humans were to be wiped out, and an

alien came to earth, Humanities will tell our story. Because of this,

Humanities wins!


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023


Russian dolls are so full of themselves.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘ How do you drive this thing? ’

Just burned 2,000 calories. That is the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap

My sister said I could not make a car out of linguine. Her face was shocked when I drove pasta.

Build a man a fire and he ’ ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he ’ ll be warm for the rest of his life Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I don ’ t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.

I ’ m reading a book about anti - gravity. It ’ s impossible to put down.

Atheism is a non - prophet organization

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you ’ re a mile away and you have their shoes.

The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘ Watch for children, ’ and I thought, ‘ That sounds like a fair trade. ’


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Ukraine and Russia: their Historical Ties By Thomas Hibbert

Ukraine, Russia, and Belarus have major historical ties, ranging back to the

Viking Age when the Vikings founded the Kingdom of Kievan Rus.

This was kingdom that was born out of trading outposts on the way to the

lucrative capital of Constantinople. The Vikings intermingled, and married

into the local Slavic population, just like other Vikings did in northern

England. Kievan Rus bordered many dangerous tribes such as the

Pechenegs and the Khazars, so warriors were in demand to protect their


Harald Hardrada was one such warrior. He served in the Rus army, and

like many others, went on to serve in the Varangian Guard, an elite

fighting core of soldiers for the Byzantines, one that the Rus was

instrumental in creating. Hardrada met his end at the Battle of Stanford

Bridge in 1066,

A new tribe, the Cumans, arrived on the scene, and the Byzantines

began to slowly crumble, losing valuable trade for the Rus in the 1000s.

Kievan Rus stumbled on for two more centuries, losing land, trade, and

power thanks to internal and external war, until 1238, when they were

subdued by the Mongols and turned into a puppet Mongols.

Moscow then began to develop into an economic powerhouse in the

region. The new Duchy of Muscovy expanded into Mongol and Lithuanian


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

territory. This period of rapid expansion began in 1380, when a coalition

defeated the Mongols, until 1547, when Ivan the terrible ascended to the

rank of Tsar. He conquered and settled vast swathes of land, seized parts

of Livonia, taking previously Muslim territory, before descending into

madness that led him to kill his own son, the heir to the throne, before

dying in 1584.

The Rurik Dynasty, that had led Muscovy and Kievan Rus for seven

centuries, was extinguished, and after 10 years of civil war, Micheal

Romanov was elected Tsar of Russia in 1613. Notably, across the span of

three centuries, Russia expanded, adding territory, including modern day

Ukraine. Russia discovered Alaska, settled new land in Siberia, and fought

wars against Sweden, Poland, Lithuania, and the Ottomans. Catherine the

Great of Russia also founded the warm water ports of Odessa and

Sevastopol in Crimea. This would be a major reason for Russian invasion

in the future as Russia needed ports that would not be frozen all year

round. After the defeat of

Napoleon at Waterloo, this

and other factors led to

the Crimean War, where

Russia lost its access to

threaten the Ottomans on

the Black Sea.


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

In 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated in Sarajevo. This

began WW1 and launched Europe into a state of almost total war.

Russia joined the Triple Entente and were decisively defeated by the

Germans at the Second Battle of Tannenberg, leaving Russia struggling

to survive, leading to Lenin taking over the country. The Bolsheviks

agreed to a heavy peace deal at the Treaty of Brest - Litovsk, and Russia

began a massive civil war that saw millions die of famine. After the civil

war the Bolsheviks retook lost territory, including Ukraine, and Stalin

took over from Lenin after his death. Then came WW2, during which

850,000 - 1.6 million Ukrainian Jews were massacred. The Iron Curtain

was drawn up after the war and Ukraine became a vital part of Soviet

agriculture and economy. In 1991 the Soviet Union collapsed, and

Ukraine became an independent nation.

Since independence, Ukraine has faced several problems. In 2004, the

election for president was full of corruption and fraudulent claims.

There have been pro and anti - Russian candidates taking part in

elections, and Ukraine has been split apart by this divide.

History shows that Ukraine and Russia are connected, and this link is

continued in the present day with the names of the two politicians.

Putin ’ s first name is Vladimir, which in Ukrainian is directly translated to

Volodymyr, the first name of Zelensky, the president of Ukraine.

Ideologically, many Ukrainians are undisputedly Ukrainian, and Ukraine

includes Crimea, Luhansk, and Donetsk. On the other side many


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Ukrainians feel, at least in part, Russian and speak Russian. Putin ’ s

war on Ukraine has been predicted to go on for years, a conflict that

you could argue, dates to the golden age of Vikings.

I Don ’ t Like Movies! (or at least video game adaptations)

OK. Let's talk about movies or at least the latest trend in movie

making: Taking a video game that people like, throwing some famous

actors at it and turning it into a movie. Millions of people have seen

hits that are video game adaptations, for instance “ The Super Mario

Bros Movie ”, or “ The Last of Us ”. Now I am not saying these are not

good films, but I feel they are boring or even lacklustre in comparison

to the original game. Let's use “ The Super Mario Bros Movie" as an

example. It is a good film, but the story is nothing new, nothing to

make you excited about. It ’ s just the same old story about a princess

getting kidnapped - no exciting flare or story that delves into a new

realm from the video game character.

This trend has been seen before, but last time video adaptations

were popular the films flopped enormously - and sometimes for

obvious reasons. For instance here

are the Goombas from the original

1993 Super Mario Bros live action



THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

Definitely fuel for your nightmares.

Though this image on its own could have been the reason for the flop, I

think having live action versions of popular games is really the worst of the

worst. This is because when animating characters, you can make them look

like the original reference, but with a live action movie you have to assign

actors who look nothing like the original video game character. For

example, in the upcoming Minecraft: The Movie

it has been announced that Jason Momoa who

plays Aquaman in the DC movies and looks like


Will be playing Steve.

What also prompted me to write this article is

that Nintendo is making a live action version of The Legend of Zelda which

I can only imagine has an 80% chance of being awful!

I think overall that live action remakes are stupid and should have

stopped after the 1993 Mario movie! Though I think that if film makers are

loyal and correct to the original material but also have a new story then

these movies of tv shows can be better by a country mile.

By William Beresford


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

The Red Shoes: Behind the Scenes

The Red Shoes was the Lower School production of 2023. It was excellent

(if I may say so myself), with all sorts of roles and a wonderfully dark story.

So, let me lead you along the twisted paths of this tale …

There were three ensembles, each rehearsing in turn on Tuesdays,

Wednesdays and Thursdays for an entire term, leading up to three full

performances in the week prior to Founder ’ s Day.

The performances included some stage magic: in the first act Jack

(played by Arun Slatter) was forced into a small box, and had magically

disappeared by the time the box was destroyed. This was achieved by Jack

walking out of the box behind two other actors after the front had been

constructed but before the back had been put together. The second piece of

magic may have been a little more obvious. The Child (played by Cassius

Flemyng) supposedly had his feet cut off. This was done by some people

flinging red petals out to the sides, as a distraction and to represent blood,

while others put red bandages around his ankles.

The production was deemed a success, but sadly it will not be

performed again very soon.

It is goodbye to The Red

Shoes, and hello to

whatever we ’ re doing for

the next Lower School

Production in 2024.

By Kit Fisher


THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023


What is green, covered in Christmas lights and Christmas bulbs, and goes ribbit? A mistle - toad.

How do sheep say Merry Christmas to each oth- er? Fleece Navidad.

What is every parent's favourite Christmas song? Silent Night!

Why did Rudolph have to attend summer school? Because he went down in history.

How did Joseph and Mary weigh baby Jesus at birth? They had a weigh in the manger.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red - Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!

Why did the scarecrow get a big Christmas bonus? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What is a vegan ’ s favorite Christmas carol? Soy to the World. Elves use what kind of money? Jingle bills.

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!

What do they sing at a snowman ’ s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there's myrrh.


The despatch CHRISTMAS 2023


1. I come with many colours, very big and bright, I turn so many houses into a beautiful sight. What am I?

2. I ’ m a cookie you might like to eat, and some might say I ’ m a flavoured Christmas treat. I have brown arms, eyes, and don ’ t forget my feet. What am I?

3. If the end of the year is December 31st, what is the end of Christmas?

4. Where do you find Santa's reindeer?

5. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?

6. What do you call Christmas after all the Christmas gifts have been opened?

7. Why can't a Christmas tree stand up?

8. What holiday songs do fish sing?



THE despatch CHRISTMAS 2023

The people who make the Despatch possible: Staff Editors Ms Judet and Ms McGuinness Student Editors/Writers William and Sebastian Writing Team Ferdinand, Raglan, Thomas, Toby, Kit, Lamech, Alex, Jake, Mark, Cillian, Minjun Foreign Correspondent: Jenson

Christmas Riddle Answers

1. Christmas Lights 2. A gingerbread man 3. The letter ’ s ’ 4. It depends on where you left them 5. In the dictionary 6. Christmess 7. It doesn't have legs 8. Christmas Corals


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