American Consequences - January 2018


How does 1 Corinthians 13:13 read in the computer bible? So bandwidth, high throughput, and gigabytes abide, these three; but the greatest of these is gigabytes. Computers can’t take our love away. And I don’t believe computers can take our jobs away, either. Consider your job for a moment. It’s probably pretty stupid. That means a computer can’t do it . Most jobs are stupid. My job is stupid – as you may have noticed, because here I am doing it. My job is to make stupid jokes.

Humans have a lock on stupid. Computers will never understand it. You can get stupid results from computers – GIGO (“Garbage In/Garbage Out”). But it takes a human computer programmer to make it happen. Computers can think, but the smarter computers get, the stupider they’ll think stupidity is. And stupid makes the world go ’round. It’s a big, stupid universe out there with giant unwitting planets ignorantly spinning through moronic orbits around a thoughtless sun. And for what purpose? To what end? The very meaning of life is stupid. Ask yourself: What is the thing that demands stupidity, supplies stupidity, has stupidity as its raw material, and creates stupidity as its finished product? The thing called love. A handsome visage, a pretty face – it’s just an iris scan to a computer. But it’s everything to us. We don’t care how wonderfully stupid it makes us. Nor is our wonderful stupidity manifested only in romance. How could tottering toddlers, bumbling puppies, and kittens tangled in a ball of yarn make our hearts leap with joy if it weren’t for our – and their – stupidity? How could we love all creation without a stupid grin on our face?

Consider your job for a moment. It’s probably pretty stupid. That means a computer can’t do it.

I just Googled “computer-generated jokes.” This is the best one I found: Why did the chicken cross the road?

To see the punchline. I think my job is safe.

And so is my leisure time. Computers don’t possess stupidity. Therefore, computers can’t have fun.

72 January 2018

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