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EVOLVING TOGETHER LIFE’S SEASONS SHAPE THE BONDS WE KEEP
There was a time when our friendships seemed to just happen all on their own. But somewhere between raising kids, building careers, and just keeping up with the day-to-day, those relationships shift. Life gets busy, your children’s schedules add a whole new layer to your calendar, and the spontaneous hangouts that were so easy years ago don’t happen nearly as often anymore. Recently, we were thinking about our social lives and how we don’t really see our friends as much as we used to. It’s not due to some falling out or lack of love, and it doesn’t mean those friendships have ended; they have just changed because we have all changed. National Make a Friend Day is on Feb. 11, and our biggest takeaway on friendships at this stage of our lives is that they evolve alongside us. We move through different seasons of connection, and each one asks something different of us. Staying connected to your longtime and new friends doesn’t always mean planning a big event; it can be as simple as a phone call to let someone know “I’m thinking of you.” And even if this is a new chapter in your friendship, that phone call often feels like no time has passed at all between you. The friends you have today may not be the same people you spend time with when you’re older. As you move through different stages of life, people come in and out of it, and it’s not necessarily intentional or a bad thing. When we had our kids, we naturally started socializing with other parents, people we saw at birthday parties and after-school pickups. We have
friends at Orangetheory Fitness because that’s a regular activity for us right now. Before that, it was our circle of lawyer friends we went to happy hours with, something we just aren’t doing anymore. We have been making a greater effort to reach out to our friends, just to say hello. Recently, Chris contacted his friend in Jacksonville because we were going to be in the area for Thanksgiving. Though he didn’t get back to us, we felt good just to let him know we care. Reach out to those people you’ve known for a long time. If you have a strong connection, you will just pick up right where you left off. Ashley experiences this every time she calls one of her bridesmaids. Even if it’s been a year since they talked, the love is still there every time. It’s important to recognize that all these friendships matter and to be grateful we all get to evolve constantly. No one in your life is going to hold it against you if you contact them after a lag because they get it, and they’re just going to be happy to hear from you. Ashley has a friend she hasn’t seen in quite some time, but when she learned her father had passed away, she knew she wanted to attend his service. Time didn’t cause their connection to waver. For people going through a divorce or a traumatic experience, the support of friends is incredibly valuable. Having someone to lean on in good times and bad can make all the difference. It can really be as easy as working out together, grabbing a coffee, or just taking some time to talk. The friendships that matter
will last a lifetime, even if you’re not seeing each other as much as you did at an earlier stage in life. And you will make new friends who are meaningful as well. Friendships may change over time, but their value doesn’t diminish. Each connection evolves, bringing laughter, shared memories, and support in different ways. Taking a moment to reach out is a reminder that true friends are never truly gone. –Ashley and Christopher Bruce
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CALM IS CONTAGIOUS
A Revolution of Residential Design
When big emotions show up at home, your child isn’t the only one who’s feeling them. You are also going through an experience, and their nervous system is taking cues from you. When your stress rises, theirs will also climb, often mirroring your anxiety before they have words to explain it. The truth is that calm is contagious. If you can self-regulate and ground yourself, your child will follow your lead. Understanding this co-regulation is one of the first steps toward helping your child feel safe and secure, even in the hard moments. HOW YOUR EMOTIONS SHAPE YOUR CHILD’S STRESS
LEVITTOWN AND THE RISE OF SUBURBIA
In 1947, a stretch of potato fields on Long Island started growing something new. Instead of potatoes, the land was transformed into thousands of identical houses, each built in just a few days. The development was called Levittown. To the families moving in, it must have felt like a miracle. To those watching from afar, it looked like the future. Before Levittown, the suburbs were mainly for the wealthy. Places like Shaker Heights in Ohio and Riverside in Illinois offered quiet streets away from the pollution and overcrowding of the city, but working families couldn’t afford to live there. Levittown was different. The developers, Levitt & Sons, treated home construction like an assembly line, and crews efficiently knocked out house after house. At their peak, they finished dozens of homes a day. Housing was in high demand at the time. With veterans returning home from World War II and the baby boom beginning, cities were running out of space. A Levittown home sold for around $8,000, which was within reach of families using GI Bill loans. The single-story houses came with stoves, televisions, and a small yard for barbecues. It wasn’t luxury, but it gave the families who moved there a chance to live their version of the American dream. Soon, the development became its own world. Swimming pools, baseball fields, and shopping centers became places where families ran into neighbors on Saturday mornings, which felt new and full of possibility. But that possibility wasn’t a reality for everyone. Racist sales policies barred Black families from buying homes, even when they qualified for loans. The suburb also reinforced older ideas about gender. Women who had worked during the war felt pressure to return to domestic life, stay home, and care for the kids while their husbands commuted to work. For all its promise, it was still a product of its time. Even so, Levittown launched a new style of living that transformed the landscape of American life. Other developers copied the model, and before long, new neighborhoods stretched toward the horizon. Rows of identical houses became symbols of stability, and the dream of a better life moved to the city’s edges.
WHAT IS CO-REGULATION? Co-regulation is a way to help your child when they are feeling overwhelmed, but it’s also an important lesson for them. By walking alongside them and being aware of your own feelings, you’re helping them learn how to self-regulate. This is a skill that takes time for young people to develop. As parents and guardians, we don’t always realize how much our energy and mood impact our children. You must pay close attention to your stress levels and actions, being mindful of your facial expressions and tone. You can only help your child become more grounded when you are grounded yourself. HOW CAN YOU SPREAD CALM? If you notice your child is struggling with their emotions, the first step in helping them is to identify how you are feeling. Take a mindful pause before approaching the situation, practicing deep breathing techniques to regulate your heart rate. Ask them about what’s going on so you can watch how they respond and understand their emotions. You can lightly place a hand on their shoulder, hug them, encourage them to take a deep breath, or suggest they have a glass of water. Once they have calmed down, you can try discussing with them what the next steps might be, such as moving on to another activity or resolving any lingering negative feelings. The first step to co-regulation is self-regulation, and your calmness will teach your children how to overcome the stressful emotions they are feeling. Want to learn more about co-regulation? Dr. Stefanie Mazer is a Florida psychologist who helps families feel seen and heard. Visit her website at DrStefanieMazer.com .
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SIGNS YOU’RE BEING CONTROLLED, NOT CHERISHED WHEN ROMANCE BECOMES A TRAP
SLOW BURN, REAL CONNECTION Real love is consistent and respectful, and tends to grow gradually. If your partner supports your hobbies and outside relationships, it’s
When someone showers you with constant compliments, lavish gifts, and nonstop affection, it can feel like true romance. But these grand gestures can sometimes be a carefully crafted trap meant to manipulate you, called love bombing. Especially during a divorce, this tactic is frequently used to gain control and create a dependency that makes it even harder to leave. This deception, hidden under sweetness, is not real love, and spotting the signs can protect your heart and your future.
a sign they value your independence. They will take steps to build trust with you and won’t just leave if conflict or
misunderstandings occur. Healthy couples are open to honest communication, even when it’s a difficult or painful subject. Unlike love bombers, someone who truly cares about you won’t give or take affection to get what they want. They will show you affection because they mean it. When your marriage is built on love, your spouse will give you the space you need and encourage you to have meaningful friendships and family ties. Love bombing and genuine love often look and feel the same at first. But if you find yourself constantly anxious, withdrawing from other people in your life, or forever worried about a breakup, it may be a sign that you’re being controlled, not cared for. If you are ready for a fresh start, contact Bruce Law Firm to schedule a consultation.
ALL HEAT, NO HEART Love bombing aims to emotionally hook you because it’s not about genuine affection; it’s all about power. If someone is wielding this manipulative tool against you, the relationship may have progressed very quickly and intensely. This person may have made bold statements about their feelings for you, even in the early stages. Love bombers commonly pretend to care about you, your passions, and your plans, but they are actually trying to keep tabs on you. If they get upset when you don’t respond right away or question your friendships or activities, it’s an act of control. Over time, this partner may try to isolate you from others and withdraw their affection as punishment.
BLF’s Holiday Party at Raindancer Steakhouse
VODKA CREAM PASTA
INGREDIENTS •
1 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
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32-oz can crushed tomatoes Coarse salt and pepper 16 oz penne rigate pasta
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1 tbsp butter
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 shallots, minced
1/2 cup heavy cream 20 basil leaves, torn
1 cup vodka
Best Wishes for this coming year!
1 cup chicken stock
DIRECTIONS 1. In a large skillet over moderate heat, sauté oil, butter, garlic, and shallots for 3–5 minutes. 2. Add vodka in a steady stream and heat for 2–3 minutes to reduce by half. 3. Add chicken stock and tomatoes, bring to a light boil, then reduce to a simmer. 4. Season with salt and pepper. 5. In a large pot, cook pasta to al dente in salted boiling water while sauce simmers. 6. Stir cream into sauce until it bubbles and remove from heat. 7. Drain pasta, toss with sauce and basil leaves, and serve with sides of your choosing.
We enjoyed a delicious lunch together
Inspired by FoodNetwork.com
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1601 Forum Pl. Ste. 1101 West Palm Beach, FL 33401
Staying Close Even When Life Gets Busy page 1
The Birth of Suburban Life
Co-Regulation Strategies That Work page 2
Love Bombing vs. Real Affection
Vodka Cream Pasta page 3
Break the Buy Cycle page 4
If you’re still feeling the financial sting of the recent holiday shopping season or struggle to pay off your credit card throughout the year, it may be time to rethink your spending routine. Most of us are guilty of impulsive shopping from time to time, but an occasional indulgence can become a dangerous habit if we’re not careful, especially with technology making it easier than ever to overspend. Here are three ways to curb the urge to splurge. WIPE YOUR CARD INFO CLEAN. There’s a reason why many apps and websites enable you to save your credit card information; it makes it easier for you to spend money! If you’re looking to reduce how often you experience the rush of an instant purchase, enter your payment manually every time you go to check out. The extra time it takes to do so may be enough to help you realize whatever you wanted a moment ago isn’t as necessary as you thought. CHOOSE PAPER OVER PLASTIC. In addition to detaching your credit card information from your phone or computer, consider separating your card from yourself when you leave to go shopping. Carrying cash instead of card is a helpful way to slow spending. For one thing, it TIPS FOR A MONEY MINDSET MAKEOVER STOP THE SWIPE
helps you maintain a set amount to shell out, which you’re reminded of as the dollars disappear. Second, cash doesn’t carry an interest rate. When you spend $4 on that cup of coffee you can’t resist, you’ll be out $4, not $4.80 when using a card that charges an additional 20%. DELAY, DON’T DIVE. There will always be purchases, such as tickets for a concert that sell out within minutes or a future flight that becomes pricier as your departure date approaches, that will require you to reach for your credit card as soon as possible. That said, there are infinitely more things that you simply don’t need … at least not right away. When you encounter something online or in a store that you must have now despite it not being a scarce item, give it at least a day (or, even better, a week) before making your final decision.
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