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BREAKFAST BLOWUPS AND LOVE ON THE BRINK WHY REAL COMMUNICATION MAKES OR BREAKS RELATIONSHIPS
Ruby & Russell acclimating their 6 foster kittens before school.
Communication is at the heart of every relationship, whether with our partners, kids, colleagues, or even ourselves. Yet, it’s one of the areas people struggle with the most. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and unspoken feelings can chip away at our connections until what started as something small turns into a larger conflict. How we speak, listen, and understand each other shapes the quality of our relationships and ultimately determines whether they grow stronger or begin to break down. Recently, a communication breakdown happened in real time at our breakfast table. Our son, Russell, asked Ruby if she could help him figure out how to make a video play full screen on a program he was using. Ruby immediately jumped to his aid and began showing him how to make a video. He got upset, yelling that that’s not what he wanted. Ruby also got angry because she felt like her efforts to help him were going unappreciated. This huge blowup was the result of miscommunication between them. Russell wanted one thing, and Ruby simply interpreted it as something else. The conflict could have been solved with some simple questions, like “What is it you are trying to do?” If she had listened closer and asked follow-ups, and Russell had elaborated and tried to communicate more clearly, it would have never been a fight.
about what would have happened if everyone had just left it unfixed. They would have stayed angry at each other, and it wouldn’t have been a great way to start the day. This misunderstanding made us think about many of our clients’ lives. When you are married or in a relationship, poor communication can start to build resentment, anxiety, and tension. If you are not talking, listening, and trying to get to the root of problems that arise, issues start to arise that can eventually dissolve the entire relationship. When couples come to see us considering a divorce, sometimes at the core of their struggles is miscommunication in the relationship. For some, simply strengthening their communication skills and putting in more effort to understand each other is what they need to improve their connection. Obviously, the problems can go much deeper than that, but it could have started as a communication problem that has turned into resentment and even hatred. If your relationship hasn’t hit that point of no return, here are some ways to improve your discussions with your partner. Give the other person your full attention, putting away phones and other distractions. Be mindful of your body language, such as making eye contact and leaning in. Use “I” statements and invite each other to share their feelings and opinions with open questions. If you’re unsure of something or feel defensive, check in with them to ensure you understand what they mean. Keep the
conversation going and truly listen, again, mirroring back to them what they said to show you heard them. Just like Ashley needed to act as a mediator for our kids, you may want to work with a therapist who will observe your different communication styles, guide the conversations, and help you move forward. Sometimes, things go too far, and both parties simply don’t have the energy or desire to fix things. It’s no longer an option because contempt and resentment have taken over. A divorce or separation may be the best option to give both people a fresh start. But, if talking is still possible, strengthening your communication with each other is certainly worth a shot. World Communication Week (Nov. 1–7) and Better Conversation Week (Nov. 23–29) are both this month and are timely reminders of just how important communication is. If you are looking for resources to work things out, visit our website, StayMarriedFlorida.com , where you can find information on marriage counseling and communication skills. –Ashley and Christopher Bruce
Ashley recognized what was going on and was able to help them resolve the problem. Think
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CATS AS SPIES? PROBABLY NOT, BUT MAYBE A BEETLE THE CIA’S MOST PURR- PLEXING MISSION
FESTIVE OR FRACTURED How Narcissists Use Family Holidays Against You The holidays should be a time of joy, comfort, and closeness, but if you are married to a narcissist, they can quickly turn into a stage for manipulation. A celebratory family gathering can become a minefield of gaslighting, guilt trips, and performances that make them look like the perfect partner, leaving you feeling invisible or anxious. By knowing what these tactics look like, you can avoid this carefully designed bait-and- switch to enjoy what should be a happy time with your loved ones. SABOTAGE IN DISGUISE Narcissists have a knack for undermining plans in a way that makes you question if it was your fault. They may go back on something they agreed to, pointing the finger at miscommunication from you in front of everyone. Maybe they agreed to bring the stuffing for Thanksgiving but show up to the gathering with nothing, claiming you were supposed to bring it. They could wait until the last minute to tell you they can’t make it, leaving you to explain to everyone else. Respond calmly, because they are just looking to get a rise out of you. Talk to your family beforehand. SPOTLIGHT STEALERS The holidays are a high-stress time, and narcissists will be seeking even more validation than usual, especially with a meaningful family dynamic they can twist. They crave attention and may use a celebration as a chance to make everything about them. They might dominate the conversation, dismiss or disrespect other people’s feelings, or create drama to overshadow you. This could even take the form of showy or insulting gifts. Before the holidays, you can develop boundaries and a script you can use when the conversation turns into attention-seeking behavior from your partner. TRASHED TRADITIONS Narcissists often try to create tension during special moments because it gives them an emotional weapon. They could refuse to participate in a beloved family tradition, like decorating the tree or refusing to smile in the annual holiday photo. They could openly criticize or ignore you during something that should be joyful, like saying you burned the turkey or giving you the silent treatment. Take a few deep breaths and focus on your family. Remember that your partner is trying to put you off-balance, and their behavior doesn’t reflect yours.
The CIA once tried to turn a cat into a spy. No, really.
In the 1960s, the agency launched a project called Acoustic Kitty. The idea was to implant listening devices into live cats so they could eavesdrop on foreign officials. One unlucky feline became their test subject. A surgeon embedded a microphone in the cat’s ear, ran an antenna through its fur, and tucked a transmitter into the base of its skull.
The CIA planned to train the cat to sit near targets and secretly transmit conversations. The outcome? Let’s just say things didn’t go as planned.
For the first trial run, CIA agents released the wired-up cat near a park bench where two men were talking. Instead of heading toward the bench, the cat unfortunately wandered into traffic and was immediately hit by a taxi. The mission was over before it began. It turned out cats weren’t very good at following orders. In a later memo, the CIA admitted that the program wasn’t practical or suited to its “highly specialized needs.” No surprise there. If you’ve ever tried to get a cat to do anything it doesn’t want to do, you understand. Still, the idea of using animals for covert missions didn’t die with Acoustic Kitty. In the 2000s, the Pentagon’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) picked up the baton and funded experiments with remote-controlled insects. Researchers at UC Berkeley managed to control
a beetle’s flight using neural implants. They could steer it left and right and make it start and stop in mid-air. It was like a bug-size drone. Science has shown that bugs might make better spies than cats. And unless your housecat suddenly develops a taste for espionage, your conversations are probably safe. So, if your feline friend stares
blankly at you while you share secrets, don’t worry. That’s not surveillance. That’s just a cat being a cat.
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HOW PAUSING CAN PROTECT YOUR PEACE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON SAY ‘NO’ WITHOUT WORDS
The holidays bring a new set of stresses, like financial pressure to buy presents, hectic schedules, and lots of travel time. For families going through a life transition like a separation or coparenting, there can be even more drama. Sometimes, silence is the most powerful way to react, speaking louder than words and protecting your emotions. From physically stepping away to mentally disengaging, here are some strategies to say “no” with quiet strength through tense moments this season. HIT PAUSE No matter what kind of relationship you’re dealing with, a family member or partner, a break during a heated or unproductive moment can do a lot of good. It’s
easy to say something you regret or be manipulated when emotions run high. Let the other person know you are going to step away so you can reset and come back to the conversation with more clarity. Take a short walk, spend a few minutes in a quiet room to focus on your breathing, or do a small act of self-care, like using a nice-smelling lotion. FIND YOUR INNER CALM Even if you don’t physically leave the conversation, you can mentally disengage if it’s going nowhere or spiraling in a bad direction. Find something to help you distract your mind a bit and find a sense of inner calm, like thinking of a “happy place” or singing a soothing song in your mind. You can also use strategic pauses during the conversation, remaining quiet until you know you are calm enough to respond. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. Focus on five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch, two you can smell, and one thing you can taste. SET BOUNDARIES Set some boundaries with your family members before the event on what you are not willing to discuss, and stick to them. If, for example, you made it clear you don’t want to talk about politics or discuss what’s going on in your relationship, you can say, “I’m not comfortable speaking about this,” and end the conversation. Silence can be a tool for navigating family tension this holiday season. Visit Bruce Law Firm for resources and videos on handling difficult conversations with calm and confidence.
BLF Attorneys Sarina, Samantha, & Sarah attending a Forum Club luncheon.
APPLE-CRANBERRY SALAD
This tangy and sweet apple-cranberry salad will steal the show at your Thanksgiving feast this year.
Ingredients •
6 slices of bacon
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3/4 cup dried cranberries
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1/3 cup balsamic vinaigrette
1 Honeycrisp apple, peeled and thinly sliced
1/3 cup olive oil
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1/4 red onion, thinly sliced
2 tbsp raw honey
1/2 cup feta cheese
8 oz fresh baby spinach, rinsed and dried
Directions 1. In a large skillet, cook bacon until crispy. Remove it from the pan and set on a paper towel- lined plate to cool. 2. In a small bowl, whisk together balsamic vinaigrette, olive oil, and honey. Set aside. 3. In a large bowl, add spinach, cranberries, apple slices, red onion, and feta. Crumble bacon pieces over the top. Use salad forks to toss ingredients thoroughly. 4. Add dressing to the salad and toss again until well-coated.
Inspired by WanderlustAndWellness.org
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Small Misunderstandings Can Spark Big Conflicts page 1
Furry Agents and Failed Espionage
Shield Yourself From Manipulation This Season page 2
Speak Less, Protect More
Apple-Cranberry Salad page 3
Are Budgeting Apps Making Us Smarter or More Stressed? page 4
DO BUDGETING APPS ACTUALLY HELP OR JUST FEEL PRODUCTIVE?
Behavioral Change Made Easier Many apps teach a mindset and help users understand and align spending with values. They work on embracing true expenses, letting money age, and teaching individuals how to roll with the punches of stocks and other investments. Motivation Through Goal-Setting Whether you’re saving $1,000 or planning a vacation, watching progress visually in an app keeps you motivated. Like fitness trackers, financial apps reward steady efforts with reports and nudges that reinforce positive habits.
Keeping track of your money used to mean balancing checkbooks or jotting down expenses in a notebook. Today, it’s as simple as downloading an app. Budgeting tools like YNAB and Monarch promise clarity, control, and smarter spending from your phone. But as more people use these digital money managers, a fair question arises: Are these apps helping us take control of our finances, or are they just another thing to manage in an already busy life?
spreadsheets, the constant need to review and manage the details can still drain your focus and energy.
Subscription Costs and Privacy Fears Premium features aren’t free. Apps like YNAB, Simplifi, or PocketGuard cost upward of $3–$15 a month. Some free apps monetize via data sharing or ads. Even with encryption, there’s always a risk when sensitive financial data is stored digitally. Restrictive Mindsets and Stress Budgeting tools that rigidly enforce every dollar allocated can sometimes foster anxiety around spending. Users may feel guilty even for small wants, or experience friction in social settings when budget limits feel oppressive rather than helpful. The choice is yours! Many users find the sweet spot: Use an app for automatic tracking, but limit deep interaction to weekly reviews. This approach combines insight without turning your budget into a marathon slog.
THE CASE FOR ‘YOU’RE BETTER WITH APPS.’
BUT ARE YOU JUST GETTING BUSIER?
Instant Awareness and Insight Connect your accounts, and your entire spending picture comes into focus. You’ll see real-time updates as purchases roll in, budget categories fill up, and savings goals progress. That kind of visibility makes it easier to spot patterns, adjust habits, and make smarter financial choices day to day, often leading to better savings or faster debt payoff.
Time Sink or Digital Chore? Digging into your budget with an app can feel like opening a can of worms. There’s always another category to adjust, a mislabeled transaction to fix, or settings to fine-tune. While many users appreciate the flexibility apps offer compared to traditional
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