Confessions of a payroll manager – Home is where the cake is!
so it sometimes felt a little like Place in the sun (except this was Barkleydale, so we couldn’t guarantee the sun). Who would have thought being a payroll manager would involve being a travel agent? Roberto arrived with family – and Lola the puppy – last week and we’ve been pulling out all the stops to make them feel at home. We had a factory-wide ‘afternoon tea’ and a personalised tour of the area from our resident nomad, Tom. There’s a new espresso maker (as our coffee made Roberto’s eyes water) and we’re all trying to learn bits of Italian (see my attempt above). We were excited when Roberto’s wife Martha came in with some Italian cake for the team to thank them for their help – we learned ‘grazie’ and ‘torta’ pretty quickly, mainly to ask for more. The week was topped off with a visit to the local football match at the weekend to introduce them to the football community. Moving to a new country is never easy but payroll colleagues have a big part to play not only in the compliance aspect with HMRC but also in helping new employees settle in and actually like where they live and work. I’m confident that Roberto, his family (and Lola) feel welcome here now; and just in case there are more ideas about European themed biscuits I’m planning to set up relocation support pages and offer the services of the team to help others. Benvenuto a Crumbitts Roberto! o The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
Another anonymous episode revealing the world of payroll featuring payroll avatar, Penelope Fortham (‘Penny’), who is payroll manager at the nation’s favourite biscuit makers Crumbitt’s Confections. C iao, come stai? Mi chiamo Penny! No, I haven’t moved to Italy, but we have invited Italia here, right into the heart of Crumbitt’s. It all began when one of Mr Crumbitt’s peculiar ideas for a cookie range got some genuine interest beyond the UK, resulting in a specially made piece of equipment being imported from – yes, you guessed it –Italy. Though the cookie sounds like another of Mr Crumbitt’s taste disasters it is delicious and we’re obsessed with it. A Crumbitt’s Cookie Pizza, comprising a doughy cookie base (soft in the middle and caramelly) topped with milk chocolate pieces shaped like tomato slices, dark chocolate as olives and white chocolate shavings as grated cheese. These moreish morsels are larger than the average Crumbitt’s biscuit and come in mini-pizza boxes. It was the unusual size and the packaging which led to ordering of the bespoke Cookie Pizza machinery from Italy. More exciting than the new equipment (and the copious amount of cookies it could spit out) was the new employee all the way from Italy. Roberto Marino would be relocating here with his young family and taking on the role of manager in the newly created Cookie Pizza division. Crumbitt’s workers have, traditionally, never lived much further away than a few miles up the road so the vast majority either walk or cycle in. If any of my payroll team forget anything they’re usually able to nip
home and be back within their lunch break. (For Evie it’s an almost daily occurrence as she forgets keys, lunch, coat, umbrella, hayfever tablets or super-strength tissues.) Most workers grow up in the shadow of the factory, so in the main it’s been local jobs for local people. Consequently, we were super-excited about meeting Roberto and wanted to make him feel supported and welcome. I was asked to oversee the relocation process and manage the budget of £10,000 granted to Roberto for settling in. As this was new to me I headed off to HMRC’s website but quickly realised that relocation is a little more complex than it seemed. Apparently, you could only give up to £8,000 without there being a benefit in kind and that could only be spent on things that it would be ‘reasonable’ to need to purchase if relocating – such as mortgage costs, stamp duty and temporary travel. To ensure Roberto and his family felt welcome we decided to roll out the VIP treatment: with me supporting him on tax advice and Tom supporting on settlement in the local area (well, he’s lived here forever and has rented sixteen properties over the past twenty years). We set up a Skype meeting with Roberto and discussed what support he might need. We thought we had most of it listed until a puppy suddenly appeared on screen, barked hello, jumped up and knocked over Roberto’s laptop. As the puppy licked the monitor, we realised we’d need to advise about pet passports too. I sourced a fantastic local relocation specialist firm that was able to support on all aspects of moving and resettling colleagues but Tom and I were still pretty hands on
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | September 2019 | Issue 53 54
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