M y husband and I are back at the table we started at. Early in our marriage, we ate dinner most nights at the little drop-leaf table in the kitchen of our newlywed bungalow. When we moved to the house where we raised our children, the table took up residence on our enclosed front porch. A few years ago, for the first time in our more than 25 years of marriage, that table was the setting for a Thanksgiving dinner just for two. There were numerous good and gratitude- inducing factors at play then. There were various other Thanksgiving meals we would have been glad to contribute to or would have been welcomed to be part of. The arrangement was not the result of our children not wanting to be with us nor of us not wanting to be with others. It was just what is best for all concerned that year, including for my husband and me. And we were okay with it. More than okay, in fact. One of the gifts we’re hoping to give our children is the freeing reassurance that while we love and miss them—greatly, on both counts—we do not depend on them for our happiness and contentment. They contribute to these, but they do not control them. We do not want to put that burden on them.
Again, this year, our children will not be with us for Thanksgiving weekend. They will be with the young men who’ve captured their hearts and with their families, hundreds of miles from us. I’m so thankful my girls have been welcomed to those families’ tables. Meanwhile, my husband and I plan to gather around my mother-in-law’s table along with my parents (all of whom, as a bonus, still think of us as “kids”), and no doubt, we’ll be talking a lot about the children who aren’t physically there with us. But also again this year, our nest is not empty. It’s just open and roomier. My husband and I are still in it. We counted with, and on each other in those early newlywed days, and we still count with, and on each other now. Whether at tables for two or for 20, one of the blessings of being the parents of grown kids is that dawning realization that the way things are can be different from how they were and still be very, very good. Last night, I told my husband, “This will be a different Thanksgiving for us. But not less.” Different, not less. And whenever we’re at our table for two, again, we will be thankful.
THE PAINS OF SUCCESSFUL PARENTING The nest is not empty, it’s just open and roomier Photo by Getty Images _ Brothers91
This will be a different Thanksgiving for us. But not less.
by Elizabeth Spencer
114 SPOTLIGHT ON BUSINESS MAGAZINE • VOL 26 ISSUE 2
HEALTH & WELLNESS • SPOTLIGHT ON BUSINESS MAGAZINE 115
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