Why Do You Always Choose Those Who Don’t Choose You? Your brain seeks what is familiar, even if it’s harmful to you. If you associated love with uncertainty in childhood, your mind will try to repeat that pattern in adulthood. If you grew up feeling you had to fight to be loved, you will continue to choose relationships where you must prove your worth. But this is not love—it is unresolved trauma. How to Break the Cycle and Stop Chasing Those Who Don’t Value You The first step to changing your reality is realizing that the problem isn’t the other person but the way you relate to love. Accept the truth: If someone doesn’t choose you, they’re not for you. Stop justifying their indifference, coldness, or lack of commitment. "When someone truly wants to be with you, they won’t leave you with doubts." Reprogram your mind to receive love without suffering. Replace these limiting beliefs: "Love must be fought for." → "Real love flows effortlessly." "If I work hard, they will value me." → "I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone." "Loneliness is my enemy." → "My own company is enough." Ask yourself: What do I gain by clinging to someone who doesn’t prioritize me? Often, we hold onto impossible relationships because they feel familiar, like our childhood experiences. Learn to enjoy solitude. If you fear being alone, you will do anything to keep someone around, even if they don’t make you happy.
Stop chasing and start attracting. Love is not something you seek or chase—it is something you attract through self-respect and personal fulfillment. When you respect and prioritize yourself, you will only attract people who do the same for you. Invest time in yourself. Discover what truly excites you. Become your own source of love and validation.
Transformation Stories: Healing the Wound of Abandonment Valeria, 30 years old: "All my life, I chased after people who didn’t value me. When I worked on my self-esteem and stopped chasing love, I found someone who chose me without me having to fight for it." Mario, 38 years old: "I was always attracted to emotionally distant women. When I realized this came from my childhood, I was able to break the pattern, and today I have a healthy and reciprocal relationship." What Happens When You Heal the Wound of Abandonment? Your life changes in every aspect: You become more selective with your relationships. You stop needing external validation. The fear of loneliness disappears. You attract people who truly value you. If you always choose those who don’t choose you, the problem is not love but the story you’ve told yourself about it. Today is the day you can change that pattern. You deserve love without suffering, without struggle, and without doubt.
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