A Deeper Look at Hugs by Barbara Gillett Saunders, Grief Counsellor Thanatologist Recently, I had a conversation about HUGS, which caused me to delve deeper into this action. I found it interesting how some people need and crave hugs, while others try to run away from them. Which person are you?
Hometown St. Thomas Geoffrey Rae Managing Editor / Sales Geoff@villagerpublications.com • 519-495-7177 All articles written by Geoff Rae unless otherwise noted. Copy Editor – Peter Bloch-Hansen Publisher – Barb Botten barb@villagerpublications.com Graphic Artist – Cathy Wood Copyright @ 2015 Villager Publications. All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the Publisher. Information presented has been compiled from sources believed to be accurate at the time of printing however the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. Hugs mean different things to different people. Your situation, culture, background, gender, comfort level, abuses experienced, coping skills, relationships and more, may play a part to some degree with how you handle hugs. What do you think of when you think of hugs? Possible thoughts about hugs might be warmth, or fear, grief, lack, too much, not enough, ‘get away from me’ or, ‘this is the best place to be’. Can you picture any of the above reactions? Consider: if you are the one who is giving or receiving hugs, is there a difference? Not all hugs are reciprocated or wanted. I remember being hugged during a family member’s funeral and at that moment, that was the last thing I wanted. A hug caused me to break down and let my guard down at a time when I wanted to be in control emotionally. I know that person’s intention was coming from a good spot of caring. They had no idea I would react that way -- nor did I. Sometimes, hugs are just hugs, going through the motions without feelings. The best hugs, in my opinion, are hugs that say, ‘I care; I
am here for you,’ and come from the heart with love and acceptance going both ways between those who are hugging. Perhaps we can say, ‘Excuses are just that – EXCUSES! I wasn’t raised to give hugs. I do not like to give hugs,’ or, ‘I’m too old for hugs’. You add your own excuses, if need be, but STOP! You are in charge of you and you can create change in your life if you choose to do so. Try hugging someone you care about and then hug some more. BUT, do you ask for permission first? What about, as mentioned above, when someone does not want to be hugged? Another scenario is when someone has not received a hug in decades, from anyone. Hmmm ... I feel this is a loss in a few ways for them. Physical touch is what we all need to thrive, and do we feel worthy enough to have someone hug us? Maybe, this person feels no one cares enough to give them a hug -- sad to know this happens. Have I caused you to think differently about HUGS? Who is the first person you are going to HUG?
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