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JAN 2025
From Shame to Strength How I Beat My Biggest Battle
The start of a new year is an excellent opportunity to reflect on past accomplishments and set goals for a better life. In that spirit, I’d like to share one of my proudest victories — and one of the most emotionally challenging ordeals I’ve ever overcome. For years, I had teetered on a balance beam, trying to balance a family and career while living out of control. I’ve been sober since October 2021 — something I never thought possible just a few years ago. Fortunately, I didn’t have to hit rock bottom or get arrested for a DUI to make my decision, but there were plenty of signs I needed to change. I started drinking more and consuming harder types of alcohol during the early days of the pandemic. Why would I — a husband, father, and professional — go down that road? Honestly, my actions boiled down to boredom. The afternoons were too quiet for my liking, so I resolved the tedium of that downtime by having a stiff drink or two. One afternoon, I was caring for my 2-year-old son and decided to have a couple. Then,
I took him out for a walk in his stroller. While we were in town, I heard some live music. I followed the sound of the event, parked the stroller, and ordered a beer — well, probably two. When my wife met me there, she could tell I was buzzed. It wasn’t the first time I had done something like that, but it was the moment when my wife and I had a life-changing conversation that made me realize I had a problem. At that point, I committed to going to therapy with an addiction counselor to talk through my struggle. At first, I was scared to do it, as I didn’t know how quitting drinking would affect my relationships with my good friends. I had always associated drinking with happiness, stress relief, and good times, and I was really scared that the friendships I had with my drinking buddies were going to change or disappear. I feared feeling a hole in my life without those late nights. I was always the guy who was ready to have one more, and I didn’t want to be the person to shut down the party. Of course, I was also afraid of experiencing boredom again or not being as happy as I had been. In therapy, I soon discovered that drinking hadn’t been a reliever of stress but the cause of it. I also reflected on the shame and guilt I felt when I fell off the wagon in the early days of my treatment. I resolved to take a year off drinking, as I knew a month sober wouldn’t do anything — it would just make me look forward to when I could do it again. That was more than three years ago, and I don’t plan on ever having a drink again. If you’re struggling with addiction, I promise that you can rise above anything. Yes, getting sober is far from easy — and you will likely be
afraid along the way — but a better life is possible. No matter what you face, I wish you the courage to progress, the strength to overcome, and the knowledge that you are not alone.
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Shining the Light on Lighthouse Parenting
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Checking in Regularly: Ensuring open lines of communication.
• Encouraging Autonomy: Allowing kids the freedom to make decisions and learn from the outcomes. • Promoting Resilience: Supporting children as they navigate challenges, helping them to develop coping skills and independence. PARENTS SET BOUNDARIES AND OFFER SUPPORT. Unlike authoritarian parenting, which might stifle a child’s sense of independence, lighthouse parenting encourages self-reliance through trust and minimal but firm boundaries. Parents provide the framework, trusting the kids to make good decisions. This method helps to build a robust support system where children know they have the safety net of their parents’ guidance when needed. KEEP THE LIGHT ON Adopting the lighthouse method involves unconditional love paired with expectations and boundaries. It’s about guiding children through the complexities of growing up without removing the essential experiences that teach them about life. Of course, no single parenting style is perfect for every child. How you reinforce lighthouse parenting depends entirely on your child’s needs and developmental trajectory. Ultimately, lighthouse parenting aims to prepare children to thrive independently, ensuring they know the way back to shore, no matter how far away they sail.
A Balanced Approach to Raising Independent Children
Among the countless parenting styles out there, an approach called “lighthouse parenting” is a beacon for guiding children through life’s turbulent waters while giving them the space to navigate on their own. While it may sound ideal, is it the right parenting style for your kids? WHAT IS LIGHTHOUSE PARENTING? Coined by Dr. Ken Ginsburg, a professor of pediatrics at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, lighthouse parenting is a philosophy detailed in his book “Raising Kids to Thrive.” This approach emphasizes a balance of nurturing and communicating with children while allowing them the freedom to grow
independently. Just as a lighthouse guides without steering the ship itself, lighthouse parents offer direction and ensure safety without overly controlling their children’s lives. IT ADVOCATES FOR A BALANCED APPROACH . Lighthouse parenting positions itself in the sweet spot on the parenting spectrum — not as overbearing as helicopter parenting nor as detached as free-range parenting. It focuses on being emotionally present and available, providing a safe space for children to bring up issues and learn from their experiences. This method involves:
Celebrate the Past, Seize the Future The Art of Missing While Moving On
Whether your divorce was an amicable parting or a tumultuous tidal wave of disharmony, the fact remains that you may end up missing your former spouse — a lot . Here are three thoughts to consider when your heart drifts down memory lane. EMBRACE THE MOMENTS THAT MATTERED. While a divorce typically represents the end of an important relationship, signing on the dotted line doesn’t mean the marriage was all bad. You may cherish many things and always miss your union with your former spouse — and that’s okay. After all, you likely had many reasons for marrying them in the first place. The emotional rawness of a finalized divorce may tempt you to overlook the special moments the two of you shared. It may be better for your peace of mind to allow these memories to make you smile than discard them under a mountain of bad feelings. ACKNOWLEDGE THE ABSENCE. Getting divorced means parting ways with the person you’d share the details of your day with, who’d accompany you to key life events, and who’d curl up next to you on the couch while watching a movie together. The end of some of these basic routines can be emotionally
distressing for many divorcees. Even if a marriage ends in turmoil,
it’s normal — and by no means a sign of weakness — for one or both spouses to miss the comfort of sharing their daily lives with someone. TURN TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND FUN.
If feelings of nostalgia become too much of an emotional strain and burden on your well-being, spending more time with understanding friends and family members who can help you create new memories can go a long way. Being single again after a long period can be a blow to your confidence and sense of security. But it can also lead you to explore new hobbies or rekindle old interests in ways not possible due to the time commitments of your marriage. While it’s not always healthy to ignore the precious moments of the past, maintaining a clear focus on future happiness can help you stay positive as your post-divorce life evolves.
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From Breakup to Business Breakdown Balancing the Bottom Line in Divorce
A divorce can do more than break your heart — it can also dramatically impact your bottom line as a business owner. When you’re a self-made entrepreneur running your own business or co-owning one with your spouse, determining how to divide your business during a divorce presents a host of challenges and nuances that can change the course of your settlement. Here is an overview of some of the basic principles that influence how our state addresses these arrangements. EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION ESSENTIALS In Illinois divorce cases, courts follow an “equitable distribution” model, meaning that divorcing couples divide their debts and assets fairly and reasonably. Several factors determine a business’s value and how it is divided between spouses. The business’s market value — how much money someone would pay to purchase it from the owner(s) — is critical, as a spouse may have a home
office-based operation that may be too logistically restrictive for an outside party to purchase. In these cases, items like the home business office equipment and furnishing may be used to help determine its value.
no two marriages are the same, business arrangements of this nature vary, and it’s best to get expert legal counsel to address them. TOGETHER IN TRADE Not surprisingly, divorce cases involving businesses become even more complicated when both spouses are co-owners. If one spouse has historically taken a more active role in the daily operations and management of the business and wishes to maintain that position, the other spouse may trade other assets in exchange for relinquishing their half of the ownership. Sometimes, it may benefit the business’s ongoing success for both parties to continue their pre-divorce arrangements. To ensure personal matters don’t cloud future decision-making, both parties can discuss and draft a partnership agreement that explicitly outlines their roles and responsibilities. Selling the business and dividing the proceeds is another — and sometimes more sensible — option.
If only one spouse owns the business, documents such as prenuptial agreements, contingency plans, and ownership agreements may help protect their economic interests in the event of a divorce. Just as
TAKE A BREAK
One-Pot Chicken Noodle Soup
Ingredients • 2 1/2 lbs skinless, bone-in chicken thighs • 1 tsp salt • 1 tsp pepper • 2 tbsp olive oil • 1 large onion, chopped • 3 garlic cloves, minced • 10 cups chicken broth
• 4 celery ribs, chopped • 4 medium carrots, chopped • 2 bay leaves • 1 tsp dried thyme • 3 cups uncooked egg noodles (about 8 oz) • 1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley • 1 tbsp lemon juice
Directions 1.
Season chicken with salt and pepper. In an 8-quart stockpot over medium-high heat, add oil and chicken and cook until golden brown, 3–4 minutes. Remove chicken and set aside. 2. Add onion to drippings; cook over medium-high heat for 4–5 minutes. Add garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add broth and bring to a boil. Return chicken to pot. Add celery, carrots, bay leaves, and thyme. Reduce heat and cover; simmer until chicken is tender, 25–30 minutes. 3. Turn off heat. Remove chicken to a plate. Add noodles and let stand, covered, until noodles are tender, 20–22 minutes. 4. Shred chicken meat into bite-size pieces, and return to pot. Stir in parsley and lemon juice, and discard bay leaves.
Beginnings Blankets Carnation Capricorn
Garnet Healthy Icicle Penguin
Planning Resolution Snowboard Soupy
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161 N. Clark, Ste. 1700 Chicago, IL 60601 (312) 488-1938 rbbfirm.com
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IN THIS ISSUE
1.
Triumph Through Trials
2.
Lighthouse Parenting: Illuminate the Path to Independence and Resilience
The Brightest Bits of Our Exes
3.
Decoding Divorce Dollars
One-Pot Chicken Noodle Soup
4.
Vacation in Tropical Panama
Discover Panama An Unforgettable Tropical Paradise
ISLA BASTIMENTOS NATIONAL MARINE PARK This amazing national park, established in 1988, covers over 50 square miles and over 130 islands of the Bocas del Toro Archipelago, including the popular coral reefs of the Cayos Zapatillas. If you are interested in rubbing shoulders with monkeys, sloths, crocodiles, and countless marine species, this is the spot for you! PANAMA CANAL No list would be complete without mentioning one of the greatest engineering feats in human history: the Panama Canal. The canal, which runs for roughly 40 miles through the Isthmus of Panama, was completed in August 1914, just a month after the outbreak of World War I. The canal works via a system of locks, filled and emptied of water to raise and lower boats. Ships up to 950 feet long transport over 200 million tons of cargo annually through the canal. If you visit Panama, you have to see the canal for yourself!
The Central American country of Panama, home to the titular Panama Canal that allows easy passage of maritime traffic between the Pacific and Atlantic oceans, is more than a hub for international trade: It’s a scenic tropical paradise. Just 30,000 square miles in size — smaller than South Carolina — Panama packs a lot of incredible sites into one compact package. The country uses the American dollar, so you don’t need to exchange currency to make a worthwhile trip there. Here are three locations you can look forward to on your vacation to Panama! PANAMA CITY Founded in 1519, Panama’s capital is a metropolis amidst lush tropical rainforests. Around 40% of the country’s population resides in the city, which is full of amazing historical and entertainment districts that attract tourists worldwide. The Casco Viejo historical district, comprised of Spanish colonial architecture, was named a World Heritage site in 1997.
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