Vol 11. Edition 4
News from CannaTown
Page 9
CANNASCOPES : Discover Your Fortune! Aries - You were glad to get a doggy bag, but pissed about having to use the doggy door. Taurus - We haven't been coincidentally avoiding you. Your used-shoe-hat is repulsive. Gemini - Your 'hella fun times' in the Gorilla Costume Pub Crawl ended in the restroom. Cancer - You keep having this recurring dream, where you’re standing at the Chinese bu ett with only a 4-inch plate. Leo - Alas, those innocent butter ies from love at rst sight will turn out to be severe epiploic appendagitis. Virgo - If only they knew how much work it was to cover your entire house in mirrors, maybe they wouldn’t be so pissed about all the dead birds.
Libra - You’re not sure what you did to anger the orcas, but they’re sure as shit angry at you. Scorpio - So you tossed the salad too hard and it got all over the bureau. Sorry, Cheryl. Sagittarius - Who knows how the magician got that pre-diet photo, but you had to admit it was a good trick aer you stopped crying. Capricorn - You suspect the bolt in your head the EMTs keep asking you about is from your 'xploded Cybertruck. Aquarius - You’ll devote your entire life to avenge the squirrel that stole your glass eye, only to nd that he gave it to his son. Pisces - You threw crap at the wall to see what would stick and nothing did. Now to clean up the B.M. before your spouse gets back.
What Came to Pass News in Brief
OGTV premieres Shitty House Hunters OGTV is reframing the glamour of moving internationally, with a hot new show about people eeing the country, with no jobs and little capital. e inaugural episode, set outside the city of Rio, Brazil, aired Tuesday, featuring a trio of houses. e rst, an ADU infested with an absolute cloud of mosquitoes, rested under a beautiful hillside of mansions, but seemed too close to the river of pure feces and garbage abutted by a popup shantytown. e second, a home well o the beaten path, made for a potential abode, if not for the constant barking dogs and what appeared to be a chair made from a toilet seat, with no bottom, in a yard polka-dotted with huge piles of (likely) human waste. e third, an apartment high rise with spacious mid century modern rooms, was the natural top contender if not for the warning about a high homicide rate in the otherwise industrial neighborhood. "We're using out last thousand dollars to y back home," said contes- tant Ada Gregory. " is was a bad idea."
Eating pure sourdough starter from a cup, Pg B4
Stories in Today’s Other Sections Atlantis exists and it was built by the same orcas that hate you ..................................... E6 Seven meats you shouldn'tve tried at the meat counter....................................................... F2 Opinion: I can't a ord this rake .................... F7 Bad singing in ........................................ G13
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