Gentle Refusal (Core Competencies: 1.2; 1.4; 1.6; 2.7; 3.2; 3.3; 3.5; 4.5; 4.11; 4.12; 4.15; 4.18) Gentle refusal is a form of boundary setting. It involves respectfully responding “no” to a peer’s request. Gentle refusal is done in a manner that validates the person’s request while also suggesting alternative means of support. Saying “no” may be difficult, especially after establishing a close and supportive peer relationship. However, setting healthy boundaries is crucial for nurturing and sustaining a good working relationship. Gentle refusal can benefit the certified peer specialist and the peer in several ways. For the certified peer specialist, gentle refusal can reduce burnout, reduce resentment, promote job satisfaction, and be a source of personal and professional growth. For the peer, experiencing gentle refusal can present an opportunity to witness self- determination in action, to explore resources collaboratively, and to navigate emotions brought about by the gentle refusal. Steps to gentle refusal • Step 1 : Listen to what the peer is requesting. Offer a reflective listening statement, if necessary, that demonstrates understanding. This will be important if you are unclear about the specific request. • Step 2 : Refuse peer request. In your own words, respectfully and gently respond “no." • Step 3 : Invite an alternative. Share with the peer what you are willing to do as an alternative. In the hypothetical situations below, note how the certified peer specialist uses steps of gentle refusal in response to a peer request. Situation: Peer asks for money. • Peer: Wow, I am really struggling financially right now. My paycheck was late. I don’t know how I’m going to pay this utility bill. I need some help with this. I can pay you back. • Certified peer specialist: You’re really in a bind right now and are asking for a loan from me. [Step 1, listening and reflection of underlying meaning.] • Peer: Yeah. It is really embarrassing to ask for assistance, but this has been a bad month. I know I’ll be able to pay you back next month. • Certified peer specialist: You are taking a big risk with me and it’s hard to ask for help [Affirmation skill]. Unfortunately, I’m not comfortable lending money in my
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