Communication Styles
PASSIVE- AGGRESSIVE
PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE
ASSERTIVE
Express your needs, wants, and feelings directly and honestly. Do not assume you are correct or that everyone will feel the same way. Allow others to hold other views without dismissing or insulting them. Body is relaxed, movements are casual. Eye contact is frequent, but not glaring. Your needs and those of others are equally important. You have equal rights to express yourselves. You both have something valuable to contribute. You are responsible for your behavior. You feel positive about yourself and the way you treat others. Self-esteem rises. Both you and others keep your self- respect. Express yourself without having to win all the time. No one controls anyone else.
Express your feelings and wants as though any other view is unreasonable or stupid. Dismiss, ignore, or insult the needs, wants, and opinions of others. Make yourself large and threatening. Eye contact is fixed, and penetrating voice is loud, perhaps shouting. Your needs are more important and more justified than theirs. You have rights; they do not. Your contributions are valuable. Theirs are silly, wrong, or worthless. Angry or powerful at the time, and victorious when you “win.” Afterward: remorse, guilt, or
Failure to meet the expectations of others through “deniable” means; forgetting being delayed, and so on. Deny personal responsibility for your actions.
Keep quiet. Do not say what you feel, need, or want. Apologize when you express yourself. Deny that you disagree with others or feel differently.
Make yourself small. Look down, hunch your shoulders, and avoid eye contact. Speak softly.
Usually mimics the passive style.
Others’ needs are more important than yours. They have rights; you do not. Their contributions are valuable. Yours are worthless. Fear of rejection. Helplessness, frustration, and anger. Resentment toward others who “use” you. Reduced self-respect. Avoid conflict. Please others at any expense to yourself. Give others control over you
You are entitled to get your own way, even after making commitments to others. You are not responsible for your actions. Fear that you would be rejected if you were more assertive. Resentment at the demands of others. Fear of being confronted.
self-hatred for hurting others.
Win at any expense to others. Gain control over them.
Get your own way without having to take responsibility.
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