our own good is without doubt, and the writer of the Epistle to the Hebrews goes so far as to say that if we are without chastisement then we are not true children of God, but illegitimate (Hebrews 12:8). We have already had a measure of suffering in our marriage. It has drawn us closer to each other, and at the same time it has cast us back individually upon God in greater dependence upon Him. Like all Christians undergoing suffering, our hanging hands have been lifted up and our feeble knees strengthened by our Saviour as we have pon dered over the truths set out in Hebrews 12:6-12. Indeed, what threatened to be an overburdening disappointment has become a delight, and our sor row has been turned into joy. One o f the factors that has helped us in this happy transformation has been a fresh realization that we are not an isolated couple living our lives alone, but that as Christians we are members of Christ’s body, the church, and that as members we share our sorrows as well as our joys with the body as a whole. But that sor row and suffering will be an ingredient in a Chris tian marriage is as certain as the sparks that fly upward. Engagement and marriage solve many problems and bring great joys and pleasures, but obviously the wedding day is only a beginning — the begin ning not only of a new life, but o f the art o f mar riage, the study and development of which should last all our lives. In the first few years especially, there are many corners needing to be rubbed off in each other, and we must cultivate unselfishly an awareness of each other’s needs. But over and above all this will be the joy and satisfaction of working together in the vocation to which our Lord has called us, and of finding that in Him lie the patience, wisdom and strength to continue to a suc cessful conclusion. On reading again what we have written, we are very conscious that many of the difficulties and sor rows which may arise in courtship and marriage have been pointed out. We have drawn attention to these snags in order that they may be avoided— like the warning buoys marking dangerous rocks and sands in a narrow channel. It is our hope that our readers will experience some of the joy, con tentment, purpose and satisfaction which we our selves have found. We have now reached the end of our eighth year of marriage. Each year seems bet ter than the one before; and humbly yet confidently, we expect that this progression will continue. By the grace of God we have been kept from running into most of the snags which we have mentioned, yet at the same time we are very aware of our own shortcomings and our need of forgiveness, and we are utterly grateful that God really does forgive past mistakes.
Few Christians go through life without getting into a muddle and a mess at some stage, and that very often in spite of the best advice. Yet if they really desire God’s will and His Lordship, He won derfully sorts out everything in a way which one could never feel like calling “ second best.” One thing which emerges from talking with older mar ried Christians is the large number who admit that parts of their courtship had been desperately un happy and yet that they are now not only happy but abundantly fruitful from a spiritual point of view. One is apt to get the impression as a young Christian that all happily married Christian cou ples are so because they alone have negotiated the deeps and shallows of the hazardous channel in strict conformity with the buoys indicated by Chris tian handbooks. But many people who read such handbooks do so at a stage which they feel is too late. Others find that in practice things are not just so straightforward, and that with the best will in the world they have hit one of the buoys. This does not mean that one ought not to have the buoys, nor that the buoys are set in the wrong place: it is simply that provision should be made for those who hit them, and that this is a context in which one may remind Christians that God is very patient. One last suggestion: Read, meditate upon, and read again I Corinthians 13. Here in a nutshell is the secret of true happiness and usefulness in life, whether in marriage or otherwise. Ultimately love is a matter of the will and not primarily of the emotions. Hence in marriage, when Jack or Jill behaves in a manner which the other justifiably considers would try the patience o f Job, it is good to remember that they have in cooler moments sat back and quietly said to themselves, “ Yes, Jack is the person I want to marry, I love him and I will love him, even when he is stupid and infuriat ing and childish and irresponsible.” Jack, sitting back quietly, Can say the same thing to himself of Jill. We have found that this attitude of love in our minds and our wills has greatly helped us to over come our arguments and our annoyances, for with this set attitude of our wills it is easy to return to a place where once again the emotion of love flows in. As we daily surrender afresh our wills to the Lord Jesus Christ, we are confident that His love will hold true to the end. “ Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen” (I Corinthians 13:7, 8, J. B. Phillips Trans.). B E This is a chapter from the book This Year Next Year Sometime . . . ? by David and Mary Mullins, sponsored by the Inter-Varsity Press, 130 North Wells Street, Chicago, Illinois 60606.
15
NOVEMBER, 1967
Made with FlippingBook - Online catalogs