with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a pschologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in the United States.
A W ID O W W IT H A L IV IN G H U SBAN D
Answer: I appreciated receiving your good letter. The problem you write of is certainly not an uncommon one among Christians. We have received letters from many who have similar problems. There are no easy solutions—but other Christian families are finding ways to conquer this problem. Your first step is to take a close look at your (and your husband’s) motives. Why is he wanting to kill himself? Why can he not say “ No” ? What is causing him to be continually involved. These motives may be on a subconscious level, and not now apparent to him. Evidently he is being driven to a 24 hour a day schedule. What motives are driving him? Does he feel inferior? Does he want recognition? Does he feel that things can’t go on without him? Does he not have the poise and con fidence to tactfully say “ no” ? Is he tackling something which is not appropriate for him? Or does he not understand his responsibility to his family? One of Satan’s major attacks is get ting his servants to be too busy, too involved and therefore neglecting their families and becoming ineffi cient. Every family serving the Lord must sit down periodically and evalu ate its schedule. We must all learn to concentrate on certain things and not on others. We should set aside certain hours and evenings for the family and not let any organization or person infringe upon this time. Otherwise we will be crushed by un wise schedules. Of course, the wife of a Christian worker does not have an easy life. She must be most understanding and sacri ficial. And this is your responsibility. Ask God to give you sufficient grace.
Christ can solve this problem, as He has done so many other times. M y head knows it but my heart doesn’t. Do you have any suggestions or any books on this subject? I am sure many other women have faced and conquered this problem. M y husband talked with the pastor and he realizes he has been neglecting me, and has promised to be more attentive when he is home so / won’t mind as much when he must go out. However, when he promises to help someone move ( as it was this Satur day) and can say “ no” to nothing; and I see work piled on top of work for him at home, I am infuriated. There is not time for visiting the grandpar ents or to entertain company, or go out just by ourselves. Everything comes first but consideration for me. O ut children are usually in bed when my husband is gone, so they don’t feel it yet, but w ill as they grow older. The worst part of it all is that there is no end in sight, except for a tempor ary rest from choir and school in the summer. Then he likes to golf. W e have been married severed years. M y hobbies run to sewing ( most all of our clothes), gardening, and cooking. 1 believe God created women to be first wives or helpmates, and secondly mothers, so children very rarely take first place in my time or attention. That place is reserved for my husband. , I am w illing to try any suggestions because this thing crops up every few months and is undermining the years of happiness w e’ve shared. Thank you so much for laboring through this long letter, and for your interest and help. P.S. M y husband has read this letter and still wants me to mail it. / have also requested some counseling with our pastor. / hope it w ill help.
Question: M y husband is hoping to be come a minister. Here is our schedule: Monday is calling night twice a month, and my regular night for pre natal checkups. Also the ladies of the church meet once a month on Monday for fellowship. Tuesday night is set aside for study and counseling with the pastor. Wednesday is Prayer Meeting, where my husband directs songs. (U ntil just recently, I have been church pianist, playing at nearly every m eeting.) Thursday is school night. His class dismisses at 10, but usually a group of students have coffee afterward. Friday night is choir rehearsal. Saturday is errand day for both of us. Twice a month on Saturday is Deacon’s M eeting and on alternate Saturday nights is the Men’s Fellow ship. Sunday is a day of service. He teaches the class and leads the hymns and choir for church. Sunday after noon ( provided there is no special deacon’s m eeting) he prepares for the evening song service. A fter evening service the deacons count the offer ings of the day, while I bring the chil dren home and put them to bed. Also, many extra things come up, visits to funeral, homes and families, snow to shovel in winter, grass to cut in summer, clean-up programs, quar terly business meetings, plus many odd jobs. Do you see, without reading farther, what the trouble is? I feel like a church widow! And yet this is nothing compared to the schedule he w ill have when he becomes a full-fledged min ister. Every time someone makes a de mand on whatever free time is left, however worthwhile it may seem, I become very bitter. I know Jesus
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THE KIN G 'S BUSINESS
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