The Power Of Listening BY MARK NEELY
dermining our pursuit of deeper connection because, by design, these ways of interacting with others tend to be a little one-sided. How much listening is actually going on when we spend time on these formats? Clearly, we are not listening as much as we are trying to be heard which risks pushing others away rather than bringing them closer. Pressure, stress and fear make the world seem like it is closing in on us When we are under pressure our brains process infor- mation very differently than when we are at ease. Our per- ceptual capacity narrows and we can easily lose our larger perspective. We can become more self-focused with our thoughts circling round and round, in our heads while si- multaneously we become less aware of others. When this occurs, the people with whom we would like to connect sense our self-focus and may tend to interpret that self-fo- cus as a lack of interest in them and so they may pull away rather than meet us at the crossroads of communication. Societies are built on the Principle of Reciprocity. What happens when no one is listening to anyone else? A reasonable person might ask: If you aren’t listening to me, why should I listen to you? Awareness – Self-Deception’s Enemy When you are in your car, are you aware of bad drivers when they cross your path? Could you name some of the common behaviors/actions of someone you consider to be a bad driver? Here are a quick five: CONTINUED ON PAGE 46
If communication were a mathematical formula it might look like this: S+L=C. S (speaking clearly and intelligibly) + L (listening carefully and fully) = C (communication). I have to admit that for me, L is
much harder to do than S so, all too frequently, M (misunderstand- ing) is the usual outcome due to an insufficiency of L. S-L=M. In other words, things get very confusing when no one
is listening to anyone else. I find it to be more difficult than ever to meaningfully connect with others and then, even when the connection is made, staying connected is no piece of cake. Perhaps not everyone is experiencing this but I think it would be natural for any individual to feel at least somewhat dislocated in our present Age of Isolation. Many of us are hankering for connection, both personally and professionally. We long to be seen and heard. We rely on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twit- ter and other social media platforms to give us the feeling that we are not alone in the world. While these tools offer varying degrees of satisfaction through the sharing of our thoughts, opinions and feelings, they can also end up un- Mark Neely
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September 14, 2020
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