Power of Parents Middle School Handbook 2025

P W O E R OF PARENTS ® MIDDLE SCHOOL PARENT HANDBOOK Talking With Your Middle Schooler About Alcohol, Cannabis, and Other Drugs

Table of Contents

Introduction �� 3

Your Middle Schooler’s World �� 5

What Style of Parent Are You? �� 9

Talking About Alcohol �� 14

Helping Youth Make Good Choices �� 31

Talking About Impaired Driving �� 38

Talking About Cannabis and Medications �� 42

Take Action �� 52

Power of Parents ® Middle School Handbook

How To Use This Handbook Because underage substance use poses special risks to young people, this handbook urges parents and caring adults to:

USE THE STRATEGIES recommended to talk with your child about alcohol, cannabis, and other substances, even if they don’t seem interested in experimenting.

MARK PASSAGES that mean the most to you and commit to regularly using what you learn here.

PRACTICE AND PERFORM the exercises and see what beneficial changes come about.

USE THE DISCUSSION TOPICS suggested to have meaningful, frequent conversations with your teen.

Throughout this handbook, you will see the words “parent” and “child” used when referring to you, the caring adult, and the youth in your life you want to protect. However, MADD recognizes and cherishes all kinds of families; those made up of legal guardians, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or others who may be reading this to learn how to support youth. We honor and appreciate you for reading and helping us prevent underage substance use. Acknowledgements Mothers Against Drunk Driving® is grateful to Robert Turrisi, Ph.D., and his colleagues at The Pennsylvania State University for their partnership in this handbook. Dr. Turrisi has spent decades researching how parents can talk effectively with teens about alcohol and cannabis. This handbook draws from his work and from scientific knowledge in this field from all over the world. Nationwide Insurance is the proud National Presenting Sponsor of Power of Parents. “As a company committed to protecting people, businesses, and futures with extraordinary care, there is no more important work that aligns with our values than keeping our roadways, families, and communities safe. Thank you for your commitment to preventing underage substance use and impaired driving. Nationwide is proud to stand with you on this lifesaving mission.”

Introduction When children reach middle school, they enter a period of rapid growth and change—physically, emotionally, and socially. During this exciting time, parents face new challenges and opportunities to guide their children toward making healthy choices. Research shows that many kids ages 11-14 are already being exposed to alcohol and cannabis, even if they aren’t using these substances themselves. At this age, they begin forming their beliefs and expectations about them. While alcohol is commonplace in adult settings, it remains a serious risk for young people, leading to more accidents and deaths than all other illegal substances combined. Cannabis laws are also changing, creating confusion about its safety—especially for growing brains. We created this handbook to help parents have meaningful conversations with their middle schoolers about alcohol, cannabis, and prescription medication misuse. Since every family is different, you may find certain sections more relevant than others, and that’s okay. Use what works best for you and start the conversation now—it can make all the difference.

For young people, alcohol leads to more accidents and deaths than all other illegal substances combined.

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A MESSAGE TO PARENTS FROM DR. TURRISI AND MADD Research shows that kids who drink are a danger to themselves, their friends, and others. For over 30 years, high quality clinical studies in the United States and Europe have shown that the sooner kids drink, the more severe the problems they face in the short and long term. Science shows that a child’s brain works differently from adult brains. It is important to realize that no matter how mature kids act, they are not simply small versions of adults. Kids’ brains are still in a critical period of development well into their 20’s. Studies show that alcohol and cannabis interferes with how brains and bodies grow. As medical health professionals, we have seen countless times how a single night of underage drinking or using cannabis can destroy lives forever. Unfortunately, most individuals who have problems with alcohol or cannabis took their first drink or used cannabis when they were very young, sometimes with their parents. As a parent you have the power to equip your child to make smarter, safer choices and to help prevent tragedies. We urge you to read this handbook and talk with your middle school-aged child to help shape the choices they make regarding alcohol and cannabis. These conversations will have an impact on their physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development and could be lifesaving.

As a parent you have the power to equip your child to make smarter, safer choices and to help prevent tragedies.

Breaking News: With support from the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, Dr. Robert Turrisi and a team of prominent scientists conducted a clinical trial to examine the effectiveness of MADD’s Power of Parents handbook. 1100 families, representative of the U.S. population, participated in the trial. Dr. Turrisi and his team observed that when parents read the MADD handbook AND discussed its contents with their teens, their teens declined more rides with impaired drivers. It is important to mention that this was only the case when parents discussed almost all of the content of the MADD Power of Parents materials. See the study for yourself in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Your Middle

Schooler’s Middle school is a time of big changes — socially, emotionally, and physically. As kids transition from elementary school to middle school, they face new challenges and experiences that can shape their choices and behaviors.

Challenges Your Child May Experience

Their bodies are growing rapidly, sometimes at different rates from their peers, which can feel awkward.

They are figuring out friendships and learning how to fit in.

They start encountering peer pressure and moral dilemmas, including decisions about risky behaviors like using alcohol and cannabis.

They have more responsibilities at school and at home.

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As middle schoolers experience rapid growth and new challenges, parents play a crucial role in providing guidance and reassurance. Several key factors— freedom and responsibility, physical changes, and short-term thinking—shape their decision-making during this time. The following graphic highlights how these areas influence their choices and how parents can offer the right support.

World

Freedom and Responsibility

Middle schoolers seek more independence but may not always think through the consequences.

They want to make their own choices but still need parental guidance and structure.

They need opportunities to make decisions with support and boundaries.

Physical Changes

Rapid growth can lead to awkwardness, clumsiness, and self-consciousness.

About one in five middle school students believe they are overweight or underweight.

Helping kids feel confident in their bodies can reduce pressure to engage in risky behaviors.

Short-Term Thinking

Decisions are often based on immediate emotions rather than long-term consequences.

They may prioritize fitting in over considering potential risks.

Asking open-ended questions, that start with how, what or why, can help them think ahead and develop critical decision-making skills.

Come over! I

found my brother’s stash.

What should I do?

Going Along with a Group

Middle schoolers often include their peers in their decision-making process. If their friends engage in a behavior, it can seem more acceptable. Your child may justify choices by saying, “but everyone is doing it.” This influence is powerful because middle schoolers see their friends as equals—they navigate social challenges together, rather than deferring to authority figures like parents or teachers. Additionally, youth sometimes believe they should be excused for misbehavior if it was unplanned or if many people were involved. They might say, “We didn’t mean to drink; things just happened.” As a parent, you can help by setting clear expectations about your family’s rules and working with your child to create strategies for handling these situations before they arise.

One hit can’t hurt.

Just try it.

Don’t be lame.

Risky Business Middle schoolers’ developing brains make them more prone to taking risks, including experimenting with alcohol and cannabis. They act impulsively and don’t always recognize the long-term consequences of their choices. Alcohol can seem particularly attractive to young people because it reduces social anxiety more than it does for adults. When they see peers drinking without immediate negative consequences, they may assume it’s no big deal. One way to counteract this is by sharing the facts with your child. For example, many middle schoolers overestimate how many of their peers use alcohol or cannabis. As a parent, you can share that not everyone drinks alcohol or uses cannabis, helping correct misconceptions and reinforcing positive choices.

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When it Comes to Alcohol and Cannabis Middle schoolers may hear that alcohol or cannabis is risky, but their personal

process alcohol differently than adults, middle schoolers may feel stronger effects with smaller amounts, increasing their risk for accidents and poor decision-making. Cannabis, on the other hand, can interfere with brain development — impacting learning, attention, and decision-making. Regular use during adolescence has been linked to difficulties with problem solving and lower academic performance. Since their bodies and brains are still developing, middle schoolers are more vulnerable to the harmful effects of these substances. This makes open, honest conversations even more essential.

experiences — or what they can see around them — often influence them more than facts. They might think, “my parents drink,” or “my older siblings use cannabis and nothing bad has happened to them.” Talking openly about these substances, rather than assuming they already know, helps them develop a better understanding of the real risks involved. According to the Centers for Diseases Control and Prevention (CDC), alcohol can impair judgment, coordination, and memory from the very first drink. Because their bodies

Alcohol Negatively Impacts:

Cannabis Negatively Impacts:

Attention

Memory

Judgment

Decision- Making

Learning

Coordination

The Bottom Line Middle schoolers are beginning to seek independence, but they still look to parents, older siblings, and friends for guidance. Since youth often justify risky choices by saying “everyone is doing it,” parents can counteract this by sharing real statistics and reinforcing healthy behaviors. Your role as a parent is to keep the conversation going. Even if your child doesn’t seem interested now, the messages you share now will help lay the foundation for healthy decision-making in the future.

AUTHORITARIAN

Authoritarian parents tend to use parental power to control their children. • Children must do what they are told or else face serious consequences. • Parents are unconcerned if children understand the reasons behind rules. Parents don’t tolerate children asking for explanations. • Parents use threats and punishment to keep children in line. By focusing on obedience, authoritarian parents lose their ability to influence their children through reasoned discussion or to help them develop positive thinking skills.

What Style of Parent Are You? Parents rely on certain strategies for raising their children. Do any of these parenting styles seem familiar to you?

OVERPROTECTIVE

Overprotective parents shield their children from the harsh realities of life. Like authoritarian parents, they exert a lot of control over their children, but their method is different. • Instead of using rules and threats, overprotective parents present themselves as allies. • They see the world as a threat and express this fear to their children.

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Child becomes more rebellious and breaks another rule

Parent imposes a strict rule

Once the child gets to their breaking point, feeling as if they could never satisfy their parent, they give up trying and the authoritarian parents lose their influence. Research shows: Kids who feel threatened by their parents may behave well when the threatening parent is nearby but act out when that parent is gone. Children of authoritarian parents are less likely to develop internalized values that equip them to make wise decisions.

Cycle of Rebellion

Parent punishes child

Child defies rule

Research shows: Youth with overprotective parents may struggle with decision-making and independence, making them more vulnerable to peer pressure and risky behaviors.

• They rescue their children from dealing with any harsh reality. For example, instead of helping children understand difficult homework assignments, overprotective parents actually do the work for them. This leaves a child poorly prepared to deal with the realities of adult life. Overprotected children lack experience and may panic in stressful situations. This could present an issue for a child who doesn’t feel empowered to say no when offered alcohol or other substances, or they assume their parent is being “over the top” when they stress their fears about the dangers of underage substance use.

PERMISSIVE

Permissive parents take a hands-off approach. • They do not set expectations. Instead, they feel children should be independent. • They permit their child to explore the world without “interfering.” • They feel kids should be free to make mistakes and learn from them accordingly. Permissive parents may not face as much rebellion as authoritarian or overprotective parents do. But permissive parents deprive their children of wise guidance in developing effective problem-solving skills.

In most instances, permissive parents do so to help their children. They think that by setting permissive rules their child will be more honest with them and will tell the truth about their alcohol or cannabis use. Studies show that youth rarely tell their parents exactly how often and how much they use alcohol. They often will grossly under-report risky behaviors to their parents (including alcohol and cannabis use).

Breaking News: Dr. Robert Turrisi and his team have interviewed and surveyed thousands of parents over the past 20 years, and while the majority do not allow their teens to drink alcohol, some parents still let their teens drink alcohol on special occasions, at family gatherings or during holidays, where they can be supervised. They think it teaches teens responsible drinking and/or it takes the mystery away and reduces the likelihood they will try it when parents are not around. There are numerous studies in recent years showing that when parents allow their teens to drink, even small amounts under their supervision, these teens, DO NOT drink responsibly when they are not with their parents. The opposite occurs. They drink more often, in larger amounts, and experience many more consequences than teens whose parents do not allow them to drink. Reviews of the scientific medical, health, and adolescent literatures in the U.S., Europe and Australia fail to find a single well-designed published study showing any health or safety benefits when parents allow their teens to drink or use cannabis regardless of whether in small amounts, on special occasions, or when done under the supervision of an adult.

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LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS There Can Be

Research shows: Children of permissive style parents tend to drink more often and heavier, use cannabis and other drugs, and engage in other risky behaviors that can lead to serious consequences. They also report having parents who are less willing to talk with them and have poorer relationships with their parents as a result.

To serving alcohol to your own child or other people’s children. Learn more about Social Host laws in your state to make sure you are following the law.

POSITIVE

Positive parents know that their own age, knowledge, experience, and material resources give them an important role in guiding their children. They use that power to strengthen, protect, and help them grow into effective individuals. Positive parenting can be challenging because parents gradually relinquish control and give kids more freedom and responsibility with each passing year. These parents respect a child’s drive for independence yet maintain firm boundaries. Their philosophy is to build trust and teach skills that empower children to take increasing control of their life. Instead of threatening severe punishment for bad behavior, they discuss, set, and enforce clear consequences for breaking rules. Research shows: Youth with positive-style parents are less likely to drink, use cannabis, or ride with impaired drivers. They also have fewer problems in school and with the law and report better relationships with their parents, when compared to children of other parenting styles.

Positive parents focus on empowering their children to grow and learn. • They take an active role in teaching their teen responsibility. • They tend to use the “how, what, and why” question approach. • They set clear expectations about teen behavior, such as waiting until age 21 before drinking alcohol. • They set and enforce rules prohibiting drugs. • They explain reasons behind their expectations and encourage teens to talk about any concerns. • They set and enforce consequences when agreements are not met.

Despite how it may feel sometimes, research shows that parents are an important influence on whether or not children choose to drink alcohol, use cannabis or other substances, or get into a car with someone who has been drinking alcohol or using other substances. Youth do care about their parents’ opinions, and our research proves it. Teens credit their parents with being the most important influence in their decision-making about alcohol. Many studies show that authoritarian, overprotective, and permissive parenting can lead to negative outcomes, but it is never too late to adopt a new approach to parenting! DIFFERENCE PARENTS DO MAKE A

Breaking News: Dr. Robert Turrisi’s team observed that parental orientations towards alcohol

It’s common for parents and partners to have different approaches to parenting. For example, one parent might be stricter and rule-focused (authoritarian), while the other is more protective and nurturing (overprotective). While these differences can sometimes create confusion for children, they can also present an opportunity to model teamwork and compromise. TWO STYLES? Two Parents,

consequences significantly influence the quantity and frequency of their teen’s

drinking and consequences. For example, if teens reported that their parents thought it was normal for them to experiment with alcohol (and experience hangovers), they drank alcohol more frequently and in greater amounts. They also experienced more problems resulting from their drinking.

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Talking About Alcohol As a parent, you play a critical role in preventing your child from using alcohol, and the key is having open, ongoing conversations. Research shows that parents who prepare for these discussions are far more effective in guiding their children’s choices. Alcohol is the most commonly misused substance in the U.S., yet many adults don’t view it as dangerous. Adding to the confusion, other countries have lower legal drinking age laws,

making it seem less harmful. However, studies show that U.S. laws help reduce underage alcohol use and lower the lifetime risk of alcohol- related problems. Even with these protections, some kids start drinking alcohol as early as middle school. Those who begin at a young age face a much higher risk of injury, risky behavior, and long-term alcohol dependence. That’s why early and effective conversations matter.

The Dangers of Alcohol Alcohol is a substance that depresses the entire body. From the first drink, alcohol begins to impair judgment, coordination, and reaction time. As higher levels of alcohol reach the brain, physical processes slow down, including breathing and heart rate. Too much alcohol makes breathing and heart rate drop to dangerously low levels—or even stop. Sometimes parents hesitate to discuss the real dangers of alcohol and other substances with their pre-teens, fearing the topic may be too frightening or mature. However, the most effective way to protect children from these risks is to start the conversation early and have it often. Open, ongoing discussions equip them with the knowledge and confidence to make safe choices when faced with these substances in real life.

Youth who drink alcohol before age 21 are more likely to: Face problems in school Be at risk for physical or sexual assault Abuse alcohol later in life Drown or fall Die in a vehicle crash

Starting the Conversation Communication is most effective when all participants have a feeling of connection and collaboration. The best way to achieve this is by asking for permission to talk. When the time is right to start talking together, use “how,” “what,” and “why” questions to help your child work through different scenarios that could involve alcohol.

“There is something that I have been thinking about lately, and I was hoping we could talk about it for a few minutes. Is that okay?”

By encouraging your child to think through these situations for themselves, you help them build the confidence and decision- making skills they need

Questions that start with “how,” “what,” and “why” can encourage an exchange of ideas. They help children practice rational thinking about pros and cons of different alternatives. Open-ended questions allow kids to develop thinking skills that help them resist in-the- moment emotions. Instead of telling them what to do or what is right or wrong, you might ask: How would you handle an invitation to a party where there will be older kids? What could you say? Why do you think drinking alcohol, using cannabis, or taking other substances is dangerous?

to navigate real-life challenges, safely.

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Here are some strong ways to start a dialogue around alcohol:

You can also personalize the questions:

I heard that one out of four 8th graders have tried alcohol. I was wondering…

If you were in their situation, how might you act?

If you were to guess, how many kids your age have had a drink with alcohol in it? How do you think it has helped or harmed them?

How do you think it would affect you ?

What are the reasons those kids might have had for drinking alcohol? What are some of the things they could have done instead?

What are some of the things you could have done instead? Why is that?

Breaking News: Dr. Robert Turrisi says parents often want to know the facts about middle schoolers rather than just “scare” stories. Here are a few important facts from the 2024 Monitoring the Future report:

• 5% of 8th graders reported using alcohol in the past 30 days. • That number more than doubles when 8th graders are asked about their past 12-month alcohol use (increases to 13%).

• By 10th grade, the number doubles again! According to the report, 1 in 4 teens indicate they have consumed alcohol in the past year.

TOPIC: How drinking alcohol affects decisions

Here are several topics we recommend you discuss with your teen:

HOW How do you think drinking affects choices young people make? WHAT What problems can happen when young people choose to drink? WHY Why do you think some young people drink if it can have a negative impact on their choices? HOW How does drinking before the age of 21 affect someone? WHAT What answers could kids give if they’re pushed to drink TOPIC Drinking alcohol before 21

HOW How do you think drinking helps or hurts your body? WHAT What physical activities do you want to do in the future that drinking could hurt? WHY Why do you think some young people drink if they can get hurt? TOPIC: The physical effects of alcohol on the body

before 21? WHY

Why do you think some people would start drinking before 21?

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Talking So Your Child Will Listen The following strategies will help you communicate most effectively:

Allow your child to speak without interruption. Sometimes it’s good to paraphrase where you don’t agree, or interpret back: “Let me see if I understand you. It sounds like you feel that…” Listen.

Pick a time to speak when you can have each other’s undivided attention. Don’t discuss important things when one of you is absorbed in another activity or has another place to be. Choose a good time.

Remind them that you are on their side. Emphasize common goals and use them as a basis for your guidance and suggestions, i.e. remind your child that you both want them to stay healthy and safe. Emphasize common goals.

Open the conversation with a direct statement. “I’d like to talk to you about alcohol and other drugs. Is now a good time?” Communicate directly.

Avoid communication “stoppers.”

Agree to temporarily stop talking if things don’t go well. Wait until both individuals can talk in a calm, direct fashion. Recognize that conflict is natural. Agree to step away.

These are single, sometimes threatening statements that shut down any response: “I better not catch you drinking.”

Use appropriate body language.

Sometimes teens feel they must “defend” a position. If you find yourselves debating, try suggesting that you both approach matters from a different angle. Avoid statements that begin with “you” that make the other person feel attacked: “You did this…” Avoid debate.

How you position yourself physically while you talk can send important messages about your attitudes or express something you are not trying to convey. Don’t look away or slouch down. Nod your head in agreement.

Reasons Middle Schoolers Respect When you speak with your child about avoiding alcohol, emphasize the following reasons:

Most kids know it is illegal to drink under the age of 21. Still, they may assume they won’t get caught or they are unfamiliar with Zero Tolerance laws, which prohibit driving after drinking any amount of alcohol. Remind them that police do receive complaints about parties. When police arrive, they may arrest anyone who is suspected of underage substance use. State clearly that you expect your child to obey the law. Discuss the potential consequences for breaking the law, such as, they could have their license revoked or face expensive legal fees. If a court date is scheduled, you may have to take time off from work and could lose pay. Kids rarely consider all the possible legal consequences. Discussing the implications of an arrest can help deter underage drinking. REASON 1 Underage Drinking is Illegal

REASON 3 Drinking May Make You Vulnerable

Youth who are drinking are more vulnerable to dangerous situations and often can’t escape or protect themselves from the threat of rape or assault. Your child probably trusts the people they are around, and you may trust them too, but alcohol can turn situations dangerous. 85% of women who have been sexually assaulted were assaulted by someone they knew.

REASON 4 Drinking Might Lead to Addiction

No one aspires to have an alcohol abuse problem. Yet most people believe they can control their drinking and will not become an alcoholic themselves. Research clearly shows, however, that the younger a person starts drinking, the greater the chance they will develop alcohol problems later in life. Adults who started drinking at age 15 or 16 are five times more likely to be diagnosed with alcohol dependence as adults who started drinking after age 21.

REASON 2 Drinking Can Make You Sick or Pass Out

Alcohol irritates the lining of the digestive system. Drinking too much alcohol can make people vomit and feel bad for days (a condition known as a “hangover”). Other kids don’t want to be around someone who is sick or passes out from too much drinking. Remind your child that alcohol sickness can happen suddenly and with little warning.

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Getting Your Child to Talk After working on how to talk so your child will listen, the next challenge is getting them to open up. Many parents feel like their middle schooler’s vocabulary is limited to phrases like, “I dunno,” “whatever,” or “not now”—maybe even accompanied by an eye roll. Kids may respond this way when they’re tired, distracted, or simply not in the mood. Sometimes, they worry a conversation will turn into a lecture, nagging, or that their parents just won’t understand. The key is creating an environment where they feel comfortable sharing.

CLARIFY FACTS AND OPINIONS Keep distinctions between facts and opinions. Say things like: “My opinion is...” or “My opinion is based on these facts and observations.”

ASK THEIR THOUGHTS AND LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT Hold back on criticism to encourage honest dialogue. Use well-timed silence; pausing can prompt your child to share more!

SEEK DISCUSSION, DON’T LECTURE Share your own experiences to create a two-way dialogue.

RESPECT THEIR MOOD Don’t force conversations when they’re not ready. Wait for a better moment and try again.

When may be the best time to talk with your child about alcohol? Kids are often tired after a school day or sporting event, and that may not be the best time to start a conversation. Think about your child’s schedule and how you can create a time where you will have their undivided attention. TIMING IS EVERYTHING

TALK DAILY ABOUT WHAT MATTERS TO THEM Build trust through every day conversations.

KEEP IT BRIEF Avoid long-winded statements. Short comments invite more engagement.

AVOIDING POTHOLES SOMETIMES YOUTH REACT NEGATIVELY WHEN PARENTS TRY TO DISCUSS SENSITIVE TOPICS.

Anger About Not Being Trusted Some kids interpret a request to talk as a sign that you do not trust them. Reassure your child that you are not suspicious and are doing this

to help them, not attack them. Child: “Why don’t you trust me?”

Parent: “I trust you. But this is a very important issue, and I think we need to make sure we’re on the same page. To do that, we need to talk to each other.”

They Think They Already Know it All

Some children don’t want to talk because they believe they already know everything there is to know about a topic. Don’t let this objection stop you from trying to communicate. Child: “I’ve heard it all before. We don’t need to talk.” Parent: “You probably already know quite a bit. It would make me feel better if we talked it through. Besides, it would help me to better understand how things are different from when I was your age.”

Fear of Punishment Children may fear you’ll treat them harshly right from the start. Youth who fear punishment communicate less often with their parents. Child: “Sure, talk with you and you won’t let me go out. Forget it.” Parent: “I promise that I won’t be that way. I will listen to you. I’ll take what you say seriously. I’ll be straight with you, and you be straight with me.”

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CAUTION! Terrifying Your Teen Could Backfire Be truthful with your teen about risks but avoid overly harsh scare tactics. Too much scary information can make people “turn off” and not pay as much attention. Plus, if you paint a horrific picture of the consequences and your teen doesn’t see them happen immediately when someone they know drinks, they will assume you were wrong or exaggerating.

Fear of Getting a Lecture Your child may be open to talking, but the last thing they want is a one-way lecture from parents about right and wrong. Child: “I know what you will do if we talk. You’ll lecture me like you always do. You never listen.” Parent: “You’re right. This time I won’t lecture. I will listen to what you think.”

Parents can become overwhelmed, too. Negative reactions from a parent can shut down communication and make it difficult to help a child solve problems and deal with difficult situations. Negative parental reactions include:

Letting off steam in an angry outburst. Giving the silent treatment and then saying things are “fine.” Bringing up the child’s past failures.

Recruiting other people to support your side of the argument.

Comparing kids and asking “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” As the adult in the conversation, it’s important to manage your reactions while also holding space for your child’s emotions, too.

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG?” “Did You Drink Honesty is important and you should not lie to your child if you did drink underage. You could say: “Yes, I did, and I regret it. I want you to be better informed than I was at your age and make safer choices.”

Communicating Family Values Many parents teach their children basic family values, such as honesty and responsibility, but don’t always connect these values to real-world situations involving alcohol and other substances. They assume their child will naturally apply these principles when making decisions. That’s a risky assumption. The adolescent brain is still developing, and young people don’t always make the same logical connections that seem obvious to adults. That’s why it’s critical to have open, direct conversations about alcohol, cannabis, and

other substances—reinforcing not just values but also clear expectations and rules. The best way to ensure these conversations happen regularly is by making them a natural part of family discussions. Holding routine family meetings can provide a structured way to talk about important topics, including peer pressure, risky situations, and family rules. Keeping the lines of communication open—starting early and continuing through the teen years—helps children feel supported, heard, and more willing to share their own thoughts and concerns.

Parent Tip: Even if your child says what you hope to hear (“I don’t drink”), it’s still important to talk together about alcohol. Discuss how they might handle or avoid risky situations that could come up. Your child may not admit to drinking yet, but you can still set no-alcohol rules.

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Make the following agreements with your child:

High Quality Agreements A good agreement is clear and understood by all. But rules are broken when they only reflect the parent’s wishes. Agreements work best within strong relationships built on mutual trust, respect, honesty, responsibility, and care for one another. Children who feel valued and respected in family discussions are more likely to take these agreements seriously. At times, you may have to ask for an agreement based on respect for your authority. In those cases, emphasize that your purpose is to protect, not control, and increasing responsibilities will come with time. Framing rules in terms of care and guidance rather than punishment strengthens the foundation of trust between you and your child.

No drinking alcohol before age 21.

No other substance use.

No socializing in places where youth are drinking alcohol or using cannabis.

No riding in a car with a driver who has had any amount of alcohol or cannabis.

Enforcing Consequences Be ready to follow through and enforce consequences if your teen violates a family agreement. Consequences are most effective when built on a foundation of trust and clear expectations. That’s why establishing strong parent-child agreements BEFORE your child slips up is so important.

Make sure they understand...

How you expect them to behave based on your family’s rules and values and WHY you take that position.

Your position on alcohol and other substances, impaired driving, and riding in a car with an impaired driver.

The consequences you will enforce if they break an agreement.

Emphasize to your child how quickly drinking can lead to dangerous results. That’s why you take underage substance use so seriously and are committed to enforcing these consequences to keep them safe.

DO: Impose fair, clear consequences. Talk to them about the mistake and make a plan for next time. Be firm and consistent.

DON’T: Act out of anger or impose unfair punishments.

DOES THE PENALTY FIT? It’s best for consequences to match the “crime.” Small violations of family rules deserve mild punishment; serious violations deserve tougher penalties. For example, you could consider curbing their privileges, like limiting screen time, sleepover privileges, or gaming time.

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Consider This Scenario:

A child comes home from a friends house and has clearly been drinking alcohol. The parent is angry and says, “You’re grounded indefinitely. When you’re not in school, you will be at home.” This consequence is set in a heated moment and may not even be possible to enforce.

Stay Calm

Another way the parent might respond would be to say, “I’m very disappointed with you. We agreed that there would be no drinking alcohol until you are 21. We will talk about this in the morning.”

Talk Tomorrow

The next day, the parent might say, “As you know, you violated a very important family rule. Drinking alcohol is very dangerous for you. Therefore, as we agreed before, there will be serious consequences. For the next month, you will not be allowed to hang out with your friends outside of school or use your phone while you are at home. I hope that after the month has passed, we will both feel more confident in your ability to follow the rules of this family.”

Set Consequences

In this example, the consequences were previously established and are discussed after the parent’s initial disappointment has subsided. This approach keeps the focus on accountability while reinforcing the trust and structure that help kids make better decisions in the future.

Focus on Accountability

False Assumptions Parents sometimes hesitate to impose rules against underage drinking or even to discuss drinking with their kids. Maybe they aren’t sure where to start, or they assume their child is not at risk.

Parents Might Assume It’s too early. My kid is not interested in drinking. Read The Facts According to data from a Monitoring the Future national survey, about 18% of kids try alcohol before graduating from 8th grade.

Parents Might Assume

My child’s friends are good kids who do not drink alcohol.

At this point, my kid knows better.

Read The Facts About 11% of 8th graders have drunk alcohol in the past 30 days.

Read The Facts

Unfortunately, the reality is that many young people are uninformed about how dangerous a substance like alcohol can be.

Parents Might Assume

We have our kids involved in sports. This keeps them off the streets.

My child has learned about the negative effects of alcohol in school.

Read The Facts

Research shows that involvement in sports shifts from being protective when children are very young to a high-risk factor as they get older. Do not assume that because your kids participate in sports or other organized activities that they will not be exposed to pressures to drink alcohol.

Although most kids do learn about alcohol in their health classes, research shows that many important issues never get covered. School programs alone are not enough to stop youth from drinking.

Teens who binge drink say: • They don’t believe drinking makes you sick or has bad effects. • They are bored and there is nothing else to do but drink. • They expect drinking to have benefits, such as improved socializing. • “It can’t be that bad if everyone is doing it,” and “My friends won’t think I’m cool if I don’t drink.” Youth Make Assumptions, Too

Parent Tip: Keep conversations open and fact-based. Do: Acknowledge their feelings and explore facts together. Don’t: Dismiss their thoughts or shut down the conversation.

YOUNG Chapter 4

Power of Parents ® Middle School Handbook

PEOPLE DRINK

DIFFERENTLY

Middle school students may not consciously plan to drink, but they may take an opportunity to experiment. For example, they may be hanging out with friends at a home with an unlocked liquor cabinet and decide to open up a bottle because there are no parents around. Young people tend to engage in intense drinking, called “binge” drinking. For boys, binge drinking means having at least 4 drinks within a 2-hour period. For girls, it means at least 3 drinks within

that time. Youth who chug alcohol and drink as much as they can— as fast as they can—risk dying from alcohol poisoning. Your child may not admit to drinking yet, but you can still set no-alcohol rules and monitor their friends and activities. Talk together about alcohol to help prevent your child from drinking underage. The earlier youth start drinking, the more likely they are to eventually become dependent on alcohol and to drive drunk.

For males, binge drinking means having 4 DRINKS within 2 hours.

“Binge” Drinking

For females, binge drinking means having 3 DRINKS within 2 hours.

Signs Your Child May Be Struggling with Alcohol Use

Hidden bottles or alcohol missing from your home

Parent Tip: Approach the situation with calm concern and a willingness to help, not to punish. Setting clear expectations while allowing your child to take responsibility for their actions can lead to better outcomes. If your child is struggling with alcohol use, you may notice some of the following signs. If you suspect your child is struggling, don’t ignore the problem—address it with care and urgency.

Reliance on breath mints or mouthwash to mask the smell

Mood swings or secretiveness

Loss of interest in activities

Declining grades

Borrowing money frequently

Power of Parents ® Middle School Handbook

Chapter 4

Talk Soon Lauren’s Story “Each time Lauren left our house with her dad’s car, he would say to her – ‘Lauren, don’t drink and drive’. How many parents do that each time their child leaves the house in their family car? Lauren’s response that night was – ‘Dad, I’m the designated driver tonight.’ – which is really silly because anyone under 21 shouldn’t be considered a designated driver since they aren’t supposed to drink. Young drivers are also inexperienced, so they should never be a designated driver anyways, even if they haven’t been drinking. Additionally, Lauren’s father and I’s conversation should never have been ‘don’t’ drink and drive’; it should have been don’t drink underage because it’s illegal and dangerous.’”

-Debbie Sausville reflecting on the tragic loss of her 16-year-old stepdaughter, who was killed in a single- vehicle, single-occupant crash after drinking underage at an unsupervised party.

Helping Your Child Make Good Choices

Many kids choose to drink because they assume everyone else is doing it and that it’s an acceptable thing to do. However, studies show that 67% of teens are not drinking alcohol. You can’t completely protect your child from peer pressure, but by teaching them to make good choices and by supervising and monitoring their activities, you can help shield your child from the most dangerous situations.

The Big Myth:

“Everybody is already doing it.”

The Facts:

7 in 10 teens are NOT drinking alcohol.

One of the most common reasons behind a young person’s choice to use alcohol is that they think “everybody is doing it”. When in reality, almost 3 out of every 4 eighth graders have never had a drink. Middle school students often overestimate how many high school students are drinking or have tried alcohol.

Power of Parents ® Middle School Handbook

Chapter 5

Dealing with Peer Pressure

Sometimes youth face situations where they are pressured to do something they would rather not do. For example, a friend might push them to try a sip of alcohol when they don’t want to. You can empower your child by talking to them about ways they can say no without feeling weird or left out. Talk with them about using ACTIVE and PASSIVE refusal strategies if they are offered alcohol or other substances.

Your child might be told:

Refusal Strategy:

Your teen could say:

ACTIVE Take a stand

“Come on, everyone has tried it.”

“No, I don’t do drugs.”

“If you won’t drink with us, then why are you hanging out with us?”

“Sorry, I just have an early game tomorrow morning and need to be ready.”

PASSIVE Make an excuse

ACTIVE Make a statement

“We drank once before, so what’s the problem now?”

“I know, and I’m not making that mistake again.”

“No, but you’re going to be scared when we watch that new scary movie I was telling you about!”

PASSIVE Suggest an alternative

“Come on, are you scared?”

“Oh my gosh that reminds me—if I don’t water the plants my mom will be so mad! I have to go.”

“It’s the perfect chance with your parents out of town! It’s now or never.”

PASSIVE Change the subject

Giving choices

Focusing on their strengths

Praising achievements

BOOST YOUR TEEN’S SELF-ESTEEM

Helping set realistic goals

Offering responsibilities

Children and teens who have high self-esteem are better equipped to make smart choices, deal with peer pressure, and avoid underage drinking.

Power of Parents ® Middle School Handbook

Chapter 5

Good Problem Solving Helping your child develop strong problem-solving skills is a critical part in preparing them for the challenges they will face in the future. By coaching them through the below theoretical scenario, your child will be more confident in making healthy, informed decisions when the time comes that they must make decisions on their own: Start with a scenario: Your child is sleeping over at a friend’s house, and they overhear someone suggesting sneaking alcohol from the liquor cabinet.

Step 1

What’s the situation?

What are the potential risks?

Notice the Problem

Step 2 Identify Possible Actions

Call you to come home.

Go along with it.

Try to talk their friends out of it.

Step 3

What are the risks of underage drinking?

How might they feel if their friends pressure them?

Gather Information

Step 4

What’s the best way to respond while not jeopardizing their friendships?

Which choice keeps them safe and aligns with their values?

Examine and Decide

Step 5 Follow Through

Reiterate your agreement to not use alcohol or other substances.

Encourage them to follow through with their decision in the real world.

Strategies that Help a Child Succeed Youth are less likely to drink alcohol when their parents:

Respect their concerns, even when maintaining boundaries. Respect your child’s urge for independence. However, it is still important to set clear rules against alcohol use and know where your children are. Give calm guidance. Offer clear-headed discussion and guidance about the choices they face that are important to their life path.

Phase in freedoms and challenges. Gradually reduce parental control so children have more freedom and responsibility with each passing year. Empower choices. Encourage children to make their own choices, even relatively minor ones, such as picking a place for the family dinner, choosing a movie to go see, and so on. Sometimes choices can be framed by the parent in ways the child chooses between two desirable alternatives.

Get Behind 21

The research is clear — the 21-minimum drinking age law has saved thousands of lives and reduced underage alcohol use. Many parents wonder if introducing their child to alcohol in a controlled setting will help them learn to drink responsibly. However, studies from both the U.S. and Europe consistently show the opposite: early exposure leads to increased binge drinking, not safer habits. There is no research to support the idea that allowing children to sip or taste alcohol teaches

responsible drinking. Instead, studies consistently show that early exposure is linked to more frequent and heavier drinking in high school and beyond. The most effective approach is for

Research shows: the more you connect with your kids, the more protected your kids are against alcohol and other drug use. CONNECT With Your Kids

parents to establish clear rules that alcohol is not permitted and to ensure their child knows to leave or contact a trusted adult if they find themselves in a situation where alcohol is present without supervision.

Have dinner together Enjoy activities together

Talk to each other

Share feelings and concerns

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