Power of Parents ® Middle School Handbook
Chapter 4
CAUTION! Terrifying Your Teen Could Backfire Be truthful with your teen about risks but avoid overly harsh scare tactics. Too much scary information can make people “turn off” and not pay as much attention. Plus, if you paint a horrific picture of the consequences and your teen doesn’t see them happen immediately when someone they know drinks, they will assume you were wrong or exaggerating.
Fear of Getting a Lecture Your child may be open to talking, but the last thing they want is a one-way lecture from parents about right and wrong. Child: “I know what you will do if we talk. You’ll lecture me like you always do. You never listen.” Parent: “You’re right. This time I won’t lecture. I will listen to what you think.”
Parents can become overwhelmed, too. Negative reactions from a parent can shut down communication and make it difficult to help a child solve problems and deal with difficult situations. Negative parental reactions include:
Letting off steam in an angry outburst. Giving the silent treatment and then saying things are “fine.” Bringing up the child’s past failures.
Recruiting other people to support your side of the argument.
Comparing kids and asking “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” As the adult in the conversation, it’s important to manage your reactions while also holding space for your child’s emotions, too.
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