Talking So Your Teen Will Listen The following strategies will help you communicate most effectively:
Allow your child to speak without interruption. Sometimes it’s good to paraphrase where you don’t agree, or interpret back: “Let me see if I understand you. It sounds like you feel that…” Listen.
Choose a good time.
Pick a time to speak when you can have each other’s undivided attention. Don’t discuss important things when one of you is absorbed in another activity or has another place to be.
Remind teens that you are on their side. Emphasize common goals and use them as a basis for your guidance and suggestions, i.e. remind your teen that you both want them to stay healthy and safe. Emphasize common goals.
Open the conversation with a direct statement. “I’d like to talk to you about alcohol and other drugs. Is now a good time?” Communicate directly.
Avoid communication “stoppers.”
Agree to step away.
Agree to temporarily stop talking if things don’t go well. Wait until both individuals can talk in a calm, direct fashion. Recognize that conflict is natural.
These are single, sometimes threatening statements that shut down any response: “I better not catch you drinking.”
Use appropriate body language.
Sometimes a teen feels they must “defend” a position. If you find yourselves debating, try suggesting that you both approach matters from a different angle. Avoid statements that begin with “you” that make the other person feel attacked: “You did this…” Avoid debate.
How you position yourself physically while you talk can send important messages about your attitudes or express something you are not trying to convey. Don’t look away or slouch down. Nod your head in agreement.
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