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PRIMARY Inside This Issue
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Tips for Pet-Friendly Presents
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A Cuterebra Crisis Solution
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Meet Dr. Conrad!
SECONDARY
Cat’s Seafood Delight
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Samson and Cleo’s Tail-Wagging Tale
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Unravel the Myth of the 16th-Century Rocket Cat
CAT-APULTING INTO HISTORY The Feline-Flying Military Tactic That Never Took Off
Throughout military history, you’ll find strategic experiments ranging from the genius to the downright bizarre. But few can top the zany brainchild of Franz Helm, a 16th-century German artillery aficionado whose bright idea left historians — and cat lovers — utterly bewildered. Let’s set the scene with Helm’s magnum opus, the “Feuer Buech,” published in 1584, a treasure trove of (literally) explosive innovations in warfare. Imagine this: a battlefield in the Renaissance, not just filled with the clang of swords and the thunder of cannons, but also — wait for it — flying, flaming cats. Yes, you read that right. Franz Helm’s groundbreaking military tactic involved jetpacks for cats. Picture a kitty, strapped with a sack of gunpowder, zipping through the air like a furry missile aimed at enemy strongholds. The hope? These feline projectiles would scamper back to their homes — presumably in enemy territory — and start a blazing inferno. One can only wonder about how they would train cats to become arsonists. The method was straightforward: kidnap an enemy cat, strap it into a gunpowder-laden backpack, light the fuse, and hope Mr. Whiskers doesn’t get cold paws about blowing up its evil overlords.
Preserved for posterity at the University of Pennsylvania, the “Feuer Buech” reminds us of the lengths human creativity can go — especially when combined with a profound misunderstanding of cat behavior. As any cat owner will tell you, cats have their own agendas. The chances of a cat completing its fiery mission are about as high as it bringing you the morning newspaper.
Thankfully, we have no evidence that this pyrotechnic plan ever came to pass. Considering cats’ notorious independence, we can rest assured that no self-respecting felines took part in these explosive escapades.
So, next time you’re cuddling with your cat, be thankful its biggest inclination is to knock pens off your table rather than infiltrate enemy castles with fire.
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