GUEST EDITORIAL
Lesson 6: Forgiveness and Good Enough
Lesson 7: Don’t Argue with Dementia Because each of us is unique, to a certain extent we all live in our own world. Dementia magnifies the distance between the worlds of care partners as dementia increases or progresses. Trying to argue with the misperceptions and beliefs of the person with dementia is counterproductive, leading only to conflict and frustration for both people. Effective strategies can include changing the subject and therapeutic fibbing. Lesson 8: Plan; Try to Avoid Crises One of the few certainties with dementia and care partnership is that things will deteriorate, gradually or suddenly, and probably unpredictably. Periods of crises will probably arise unexpectedly, and the stress can be lessened (not eliminated) by planning. We are incredibly fortunate to have long-term care insurance for Carolyn and to be financially relatively wealthy due to our frugality and careful investment. As I gradually become
unable to care for Carolyn by myself in our home, I anticipate juggling our insurance coverage, in-home care resources, perhaps eventually placement in a facility with greater care resources than in-home care can provide, and perhaps hospice care, either in-home or with a facility. I am marshaling as many support resources as I can find to make this final part of my and our care partnership journey as rewarding as possible, realizing that it won’t be perfect but hopefully good enough for both of us. ◆
Trying to continue to learn, grow and hopefully get more skilled and better at the challenges that life presents to us can easily morph into perfectionism. Why can’t I be more patient with my wife? Why do I let little things frustrate and anger me so much? Why can’t I say “I” statements instead of criticizing my wife? Why can’t I just back off and take a break when I get overwhelmed with her dementia? These are the thoughts and feelings that confront me daily in our interactions. Fortunately, neither Carolyn nor I have ever been invested in holding grudges and revenge. We practice forgiveness daily. Forgiveness of one another and perhaps even more importantly, forgiveness for ourselves and our seemingly inevitable failings. We can return to our sincere loving, affectionate relationship relatively quickly after our conflicts have inflicted only superficial wounds on our psyches.
My grandpa is in the early stages of dementia... It’s a lot to manage with my school, work, and other responsibilities, but I have to make sure he’s getting the care and medication he needs…
Connect to trusted caregiver resources today. Visit pcoa.org or call the Helpline at (520) 790-7262.
Page 10 | March & April 2026, Never Too Late
Pima Council on Aging
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