T A L K IN G IT O V E R with Dr. Clyde Al. Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate ef Columbia University, New York City, is a psychologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in the United States.
HOW MUCH SHOULD A CHILD BE TOLD?
You might answer, “ They grow inside the mother until they are big enough to live in the outside world.” To a child approximately four of five years old you might add, “A ll chil dren! come from their paretits — from their mother and daddy. Each baby starts as a tiny little baby inside the mother. Then it grows and grows un til it is big enough to live outside the mother.” As a child grows older he will ask more about the same questions. Some parents make the mistake of reading their own adult understanding into the child's question. But to go too deeply into this is neither wise nor necessary. MENTAL BREAKDOWNS Q. I have a friend who says she doesn’t give her heart to the Lord because she has known of several Christians who have had mental breakdowns. She says that if God can’t prevent this in the life of a believer, what then does the Christian have that the non- Christian does not have. A. You have really asked several im portant questions, and I wish that I might have space to answer them all fully. However, it seems to me that this woman’s problem really has almost nothing to do with whether Christians do or do not have mental illness. She is evidently laying down the terms to God, before she is willing to trust Him. The real issue is the sin prob lem. Her acceptance of Christ as her personal Saviour should be based on the fact that she is a sinner, lost and without God. After she is saved, God will help her face all other problems, including illness. JEALOUS OF LITTLE SISTER Q. M y four-year-old son has been very troublesome ever since his little sister was born. I am sure it is caused
by jealousy, but how can I cope with it? A. You cannot hope to overcome child ish jealousy completely, but you can reduce it to a minimum by tactful handling. Here are a few suggestions. First of all, let your son help you with the routine care of the baby. It will make him feel grown up and impor tant and he will feel that the baby is his, rather than his competition. Secondly, you might plan some spe cial treats, such as playing a game with the boy after supper, or taking him shopping while you leave the baby with a relative or a neighbor. Let him know that he is having these treats because he is growing up. I would avoid comparing him un favorably with his sister, or with anyone else. Unfavorable comparisons cause children to hate those with whom they are compared and destroy their confidence in parents. Naturally your boy was no doubt the most im portant thing in your lives until the younger one was bom. At that time he may have felt that he was de throned— that he no longer “ counted.” I would suggest that you try to interest him in playing with the oth er boys and girls as much as possible. The more outside interests he has, the less troublesome he will be. You should tell him several times a day how much you love him. As Chris tians there is an additional scriptural approach which is no doubt more im portant than all others. He needs to know that God loves him also. By reading him Bible stories he will un derstand that God loves and cares for him. Be sure to take him to Sunday school regularly. See that he has a part in daily family devotions. These things will help restore your boy’s dignity and worthwhileness, and he will not be so jealous of his younger sister.
Q. It seems that today our children read so much in the various maga zines, as w ell as hearing the subject of sex discussed at school, that we parents are the last to give them the facts. Just how much should children be told? A. You have heard the old saying, “ Things are seldom what they seem.” In a sense, questions about sex are not always what they seem. For ex ample, when little Johnnie asked his parents where he came from, he did not have the slightest thought about sex. He had heard the other children tell which state they were bom in and he merely wanted to get his own birthplace straight. “Was it Kansas or Missouri?” It is possible to tell your child too much about sex — more than he real ly wants to know. This is why lis tening is as important as explaining. Listen carefully to what your child asks. Fortunately he does not want or need a lengthy, technical lecture. Furthermore, a simple, honest answer is more easily understood. You can easily tell when a young ster’s curiosity is satisfied. If there are no more questions —•if he starts look ing for his baseball — or if he asks for a peanut butter sandwich, you can be sure he has all of the infor mation he wants or needs just now. It has been said that an adult can talk about sex for hours, but a small child’s interest usually lasts for about thirty seconds! Too much information is bewildering and confusing. It can also stimulate a child’s interest too early. The amount you tell a child de pends partly upon his age. Very young children do not understand much about causes, results and implications. For example, a child of three may ask, “Where do babies come from?”
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