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The C h r is t ia n Home S .ev* Paul Bayles " y :sRev. Baylex in pastor of the Christ Community Church , Canoga Park, Calif.
o m e t im e a g o , a family of three sat in my office. Their son faced a crisis at high school. Theoretic ally, they were there to seek a solu tion for him. Actually, the boy’s prob lem was just another occasion for the parents to battle each other. The father and son were active Christians, while the mother resisted Christ and the church. All three were above average in intelligence. The interview revealed that the husband imagined that his family’s entire struggle was a spiritual one. “Everything would be solved,” he stated, “ if my wife would become a Christian.” His philosophy was that all he had to do was pray for her, read his Bible and have his friends pray for her as well. This made it the Lord’s problem. He had done all he could do. He felt very righteous and smug. He was “ off the hook” . This attitude made it virtually im possible for the wife to receive the Saviour. She could see that her hus band made no effort to grow and mature as a person, husband and fa ther. He saw no need to. He was a Christian! A situation was created in which the wife was lined up against the father and son. They made her responsible for all their tension and anxiety. For her to become a Chris tian meant that she would have to accept all this blame and admit that she was wrong and they were right. It is too easy for us to spiritualize our problems. Spiritual health has a great deal to do with our growth and usefulness, but spiritual health is not dependent upon Bible reading and prayer alone. Unless there is person al integrity to face ourselves and our feelings with honesty, these religious exercises will only lock us in a state of self-righteous adolescence. If we were truly reading our Bibles with personal honesty, we would see this. Another instance comes to mind which has the prospect of a much happier ending. A husband and wife have been divorced. This action is the result of many years of conflict and suffering for both. The wife is a Christian and the husband is not. The pattern was much the same as above. The wife was certain that ev
erything would be solved if the hus band would only become a Christian. She would always add, “Of course, I know I’m not perfect.” Actually, this is just one way of saying “ I really am and my humble attitude proves it.” This truly fine Christian woman prayed for her husband and asked others to pray for him. Her attitude was “ Lord, my husband and mar riage are your problems now. I’ve prayed. Now, I’m going on my merry way. If you can improve him, let me know and maybe I’ll take him back.” Now these two persons are confront ing each other with their true feel ings, in an atmosphere of honesty and eagerness for personal growth, regardless of the results of counseling upon their future relationship. The wife is still praying for her husband. So am I. She is also praying for her self, acknowledging her own part in the marriage failure as insights are received. The chances are good that the ex-husband will accept Christ, now that he senses that he was really resisting his partner and her self- righteousness. Perhaps one reason for spiritualiz ing our marital problems is the need to define and diagnose the trouble. Marital conflicts are often vague and abstract, because they involve feel ings that are vague and abstract. It is difficult to cope with feelings we cannot identify or understand. We have a ready-made label to pin onto our problems when one partner is a believer and the other is not. This gives us a definition. We feel we can battle, the problem now. There’s some thing we can do. We can pray for our partners. This is excellent, if it does not blind us to the fact that un less we grow too, the salvation of our partners won’t solve everything. The Apostle Peter wrote to Chris tian wives whose husbands were un believers. He didn’t encourage them to think that all their problems would be solved if their husbands were con verted. He tells them to grow, to learn to love and accept love, while they patiently wait for salvation to come to their husbands. This is just as true today.
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