Your Sunday morning explosion of colour, joy, motivation, and inspiration for your sober journey.
For the adventurous sober soul hola sober
DECEMBER 2022 | ISSUE NO. 164 SUNDAY EDITION
sunday
Daily Email + Village Voices in Sobriety Art + Wise Words
FASHION & BEAUTY
Hola Sober Picks for the week ahead. Winter White Five Ways TAROT OF THE WEEK
THE VIRGIN MARY
Editor's note
Dear Sober Queens,
Welcome to your weekly injection of motivation, inspiration, joy, beauty, and fashion over morning coffee. On December 1st I had my third major cardiovascular surgery in 11 weeks and quite frankly, it has me in pieces. Thankfully I am here to tell the tale, yet wildly feeling back-to-back conversations involving the death word have finally come home to roost. Not being a machine and being a solo operator for the magazine, this morning is a bit of a mish-mash of old and new over the last year as quite frankly, I am knackered!! Hola Sober December is coming out later this week, so there is something fantastically festive on its way later in the week which will brighten your month's no end! The biggest shout-out of all goes out this morning to the AMAZING fabulous women of Pledge 100 TARA who continue to empower and support each other on their sober journey. They hit 100 days tomorrow Monday and that is a powerful moment for many amazing women. The tireless efforts of Ann in London in ensuring my videos and lessons were uploaded in time was the key piece as it allowed her to manage the day-to-day running of the Program and for me to step back and get the medical treatment I needed. To all leaders and mentors, thank you for your tireless efforts in volunteering your time and experience freely to women in sobriety -we are most grateful. To all the ladies who showed up for themselves, take a bow and turn the hell back up on Tuesday as the ride has only begun! Pour some good coffee and flick through a splash of colour and sober joy this morning in a commitment by me to all of you that I will kick your sober ass each morning; please join me in the sober dawn chorus as we say not today lady, not today.
Lots of love,
Susan Christina Creamer EDITOR + PUBLISHER Susan Christina Creamer
| HOLA SOBER| IMADRID |
i YOU ARE VERY WELCOME
before you
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HOLA SOBER PLEDGE
Today we dare not forget that we are the heirs of that first revolution; let the word go forth that the torch has been passed to a new generation of women. Let all who hear us speak know we will bear any burden to support our Hola Sober sisters on this journey. To all sisters on high, know we are here fighting a new fight as a new set of revolutionaries who will oppose all who stand in our path, to assure the survival and the success of our sobriety, at our very core this much we pledge.
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SOBER and rocking it
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EDIE
Edie Falco has been proudly sober since she was 29 years old. The Sopranos star, now 58, quit drinking nearly three decades ago after realizing that she was overdoing it. Falco told The Guardian that she started drinking as a way of overcoming her shyness as a young theater student as she tried to keep up with her more outgoing classmates. "I was a non-drinker for years, then I had my first drink at college and I found nirvana," she said. "It was the answer to all my problems, and the cause of all my other problems." Falco said that she mostly stuck with alcohol rather than drugs, primarily due to the cost. "Only because I didn't have any money," she said. "I was a big fan of cocaine if it was around, but I could never afford any, and marijuana just gave me anxiety."
THE WONDERFUL EDIE FALCO READ HERE
beauty + fashion
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THE GIFT OF COLOUR
WOOL COAT (WEBSITE IMAGE)
The LIMITED EDITION long wool coat, a seasonal par excellence classic, is reinvented in this sophisticated and vibrant orange proposal. Ideal for achieving an extra level of sophistication with a lot of personality. SHOP NOW ➤
CAMPER KOBARAH WHITE SANDALS
Suit blazer with a high button. Featuring decorative openings on the cuffs and a flattering cut, slightly more fitted at the waist at the back, and an A-line hem. Matching trousers and shirts are available to achieve a powerful total look. SHOP NOW ➤ GO GREEN THIS MONTH WITH THIS BLOCK LOOK ( WEBSITE IMAGE)
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GUICCI
In an ode to mountain leisure, Cruise 2023 Gucci Cosmogonie takes classic pieces and reconfigures them with cozy, textured details. The collection brings together distant eras and geographies and adds unexpected details that transform them into something new. The recognizable GG Marmont shoulder bag is rebuilt in houndstooth wool fabric.
MASSIMO DUTTI
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HOLA SOBER | MADRID
PInk Knit Belted Dress Relaxed mini knit dress featuring a mock neck and a tonal buckle belt. This can be worn over jeans or trousers or for those younger in our readership as a mini dress with fab tights!
Recyled Polyester.
SHOP
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Knee HIgh Boots
Designed in Stockholm, Knee high leather boots with slim heels and a squared toebox. These heels are quite positively frightening for me, as I am a flat boot lady but they are stylish! If you can walk long distance in heels, these boots are for you!
SHOP
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
FAUX FUR COAT
This Fun Rachel Stevens Collared Longline Animal Faux Fur Coat
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CAMPER KOBARAH WHITE SANDALS
GO OLIVE ( WEBSITE IMAGE)
This amazing olive coat from Phase Eight and Slightly waisted cut with Stand-up colla and a Concealed, double-breasted button closure. I love it! SHOP NOW ➤
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Wide-leg trousers and belted leather dresses (or coats) are some of the looks on the High Street this Autumn- Winter. We want to be comfortable and smart and COS has some fabulous pieces this month that meet that need for style and comfort. Waking up sober allows us to shine in our lives and although clothes do not make the woman, they certainly help!
CLICK here + here
(Image taken from website)
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SHOP HERE ➤
ATOMY brand was created in Gdańsk, where the idea of the company was born and our projects are created. Our philosophy is based on the concept of Lean Manufacturing, or the lean production management method. This technique is based on resource efficiency and guarantees high quality, but always puts human needs and the environment in which we operate first. The idea for a brand specializing in sewing leather modules has its genesis in our everyday life as well as our profession. We do not generate waste. All products are designed in the most ergonomic way. Each smallest piece of leather that remains after the patch has been cut is reused for the production of smaller parts.
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CULT BEAUTY + TIKTOK SENSATIONS
SHOP NOW ➤ WOW Dreamcoat Hair Spray is one of the TikTok sensations of 2022. Watch the video here
" Originating in K-beauty, slugging involves coating your (damp) face in an occlusive like Vaseline before bed. The product will act as a barrier, sealing moisture into the skin. If you can't commit to an overnight slug, try short-contact slugging, which only takes a couple of hours. The same principle also applies to hair, with oil – à la Bridgerton." - Culture Whisper
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Maybelline is not jUST for the youthful among us - this mascara has rocked the lash world and is a 2022 winner with Jessie Public.
Watch the video here
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SHOP NOW ➤
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GOW PRICKLY PEAR SEED OIL Garden of Wisdom 100% Pure Prickly Pear Seed Oil is a superb multipurpose oil that restores skin elasticity, calms inflammation in rosacea-prone skin, brightens dark spots and hyperpigmentation and helps prevent acne. Also known as Cactus Oil or Barbary Fig Seed Oil, this is an excellent multi-purpose face oil with superb moisturising properties. Like Argan Oil, Prickly Pear Seed Oil is native to Morocco and India. Yet, unlike Argan Oil, Prickly Pear Oil has the richest source of vitamin E and is full of essential fatty acids as well as antioxidants and polyphenols SHOP HERE ➤
REUSABLE FACE WIPES
Reusable Face Wipes from Scintilla - These 100% organic cotton make-up wipes are soft, gentle and the perfect accessory to your cleansing routine. They're double-sided with a soft sweet pea gauze on one side and a fluffy toweling on the other. They're great for using with an oil cleanser to wipe away excess make-up, with a liquid product, like our Cleansing Milk, for cleansing, or just to use to wipe damp skin at the end of your wash. Each pack contains 5 wipes which can be washed up to 40° in the washing machine.
SHOP HERE ➤
Color Sensational Ultimatte Slim Lipstick in More Berry. Trying a bright, bold, new color can sometimes feel like a risk, but with this ultra-affordable Maybelline lipstick, you don’t have to spend big to score big. The high-pigment, extreme matte formula boasts intense color with a cushiony, lightweight feel, and the More Berry shade offers your lips a rich purple hue with a side of adventure. MAYBELLINE BERRY LIPSTICK
SHOP HERE ➤
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MIRROR WATER BALM SThis multi-purpose, protective balm can be used on any dry areas, where the rich, melting formula helps to hydrate the skin. RUB is key for your daily rituals and can be used on any dry areas of the body. Formulated with essential oils such as vetiver, cedarwood, Canadian black spruce and bergamot to help keep you grounded. Formulated for dry, normal skin. This formula is vegan and palm oil-free.
SHOP HERE ➤
KIND & FREE™ CLEAN PLANT BASED NAIL POLISH
RIMMEL has answered all our prayers by finally offering a plant-based polish in fabulous shades. A must-have for your summer wardrobe. From the website: "Our first clean makeup that works, no compromises. 100% vegan & kind to animals. Free from fragrance*, mineral oils, and animal-derived ingredients*. Vegan & clean plant-based formula that delivers on shine, gloss and rich pigment while still allowing your nails to stay healthy".
SHOP HERE ➤
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MAAPILIM | FACIAL MUD MASK For a weekly deep cleansing and balancing facial treatment, try this handcrafted mud mask from the quality clean grooming brand Maapilim, known for its use of natural ingredients sourced from the lush Mediterranean region. This mineral-rich mask is made with Dead Sea mud, which deeply detoxes the skin and boosts circulation. It also features high-grade olive oil to hydrate and soften, while essential oils of cedarwood, jasmine, and bergamot deliver a refreshing scent. Relax and treat your skin with this all-natural, aromatic formula.
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SKINMEDICA | INSTANT BRIGHT EYE CREAM
Rejuvenate tired eyes with this energizing treatment from dermatologist-created brand SkinMedica. This advanced formula brightens and restores the eye area with a proprietary blend of hyaluronic acid, marine extracts, and plant-derived stem cell compounds. Banish dark circles, puffiness, sagging, and wrinkles with this comprehensive daily treatment.
Add this innovative eye cream to your regimen for instantly visible results and a dramatic improvement within eight weeks.
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An ultra-calming blend of soothing seed oils to hydrate the skin and prevent redness with protective carrot seed oil and anti-inflammatory evening primrose seed oil. Apply a small amount of oil to the fingertips and massage into the skin in a circular motion. What are the key carrot seed oil benefits? Carrot Seed Oil has excellent emolliency, anti-inflammation, sebum regulation, and cell energizing properties. NATUROPATHICA | CARROT SEED SOOTHING FACIAL OIL
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Positive self care
Exercise regularly
Eat breakfast every morning
more
more
Control your coffee intake
Stay hydrated
more
more
hello
Hangover free mornings never get old
Hola Sober
VILLAGE VOICES
DECEMBER 2022
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
Dear Sober Queens,
We will our bodies into shapes that mother nature never intended dieting on an emotional trigger that somehow scream at us that our bikini-body is not fit for public consumption. We go back to the gym pushing and pounding our bodies to the limit to be fit and healthy in another great lunge for acceptance with each weight lifted ‘at’ this picture- postcard body we feel we need to fit in. Be bold ladies remembering “the need to impress is gradually replaced with the thrill of being embraced as a fallible human being.”― We as women are also champions at turning all our shame, all our insecurities, all our worries inwards and so rather than admitting ‘Hey I have a problem,’ we drink at it and then drink some more. We arrive at our sobriety having jumped through every hoop and worn every mask that society or our families required and somehow, we walk into our forties, fifties even our sixties, taking a seat at the coolest table in town, Hola Sober. Be bold ladies remembering “the need to impress is gradually replaced with the thrill of being embraced as a fallible human being.” It is daunting to walk into a meeting be that online or on the street. It is singularly the most defining moment to accept that after all the conniving and Moderation Marcus moments, broken promises and internal chaos you have finally accepted your drinking is not normal or healthy
and bravely stepped up to the plate making a change It is daunting to walk into a meeting be that online or on the street. It is singularly the most defining moment to accept that after all the conniving and Moderation Marcus moments, broken promises and internal chaos you have finally accepted your drinking is not normal or healthy and bravely stepped up to the plate making a change Be bold ladies remembering “the need to impress is gradually replaced with the thrill of being embraced as a fallible human being.” We come as we are. Somedays we shine, other days we cower away at the back of the classroom, we are in a happy space or a go-f*ck-yourself-space, it’s irrelevant once we come here showing up daily embracing our sober promise. If you feel somehow less than, not wise enough, not profound enough, not clever enough, fear speaking up, fear speaking too much, was not drunk enough, not eloquent enough, too eloquent here’s your Tuesday truth: We belong here knowing being bold means I know the need to impress has been replaced by teh thrill of being embraced as a fallible human being. Be bold today in your choices, in your truth, in your words and in the embrace of those that you love. Hug them hard and tight. Be bold ladies, be f*cking bold in your sobriety. Stand up and own the damn mantel of it all knowing that I made no friends being perfect but have a shed load in my imperfections. Susan C. xxx
Yesterday Brené Brown told us to be awkward and this morning I want us to be bold in our sobriety. I no longer shrink myself to be digestible, I boldly go where I need to go. I don't wait for the door to be opened for me, I kick the damn thing down all by my very own-self. “The need to impress is gradually replaced with the thrill of being embraced as a fallible human being.”― Erica Spiegelman “When you are born in a world you don’t feel part of or feel as though you don't fit in, maybe it's because you were born to help create a new way of doing things, a new way of feeling things and accepting this 'here’ is where YOU belong. ” – I wrote that line in February 2021 and it still stands up today. We seem to go through school trying to fit in, being on the margins not feeling like we are part of the cool gang and telling ourselves that’s okay, but it can hurt. We spend our lives getting the job everyone approves of, marrying the right person, supporting all the right causes, being red or blue politically as our social circle demands and oohing and aaahing over the news of the day at the exact moment we are meant to. Be bold ladies remembering “the need to impress is gradually replaced with the thrill of being embraced as a fallible human being.”― We aspire to the house on the hill with a white picket fence, 2.4 children, a shiny car and killer flowing locks and the perfect family shot for the Christmas card.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
daily email
SUNDAY
SUNDAY
"Like Moses, who wandered forty years in the desert before seeing the promised land. Like Wesley from The Princess Bride, who said “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” Like Jesus, who walked straight toward his own crucifixion. First the pain, then the waiting, then the rising. All of our suffering comes when we try to get to our resurrection without allowing ourselves to be crucified. There is no glory EXCEPT straight through your story. Pain is not tragic. Pain is magic. Suffering is tragic. Suffering is what happens when we avoid pain and consequently miss our becoming." - Glennon Doyle
I got an email this week from a woman who was holding on to some hurt she had suffered over two decades ago and it did all in my power, not to respond with an email in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS so that she would get me the first time……… I opted to take a softer route to her heart that has nothing to do with drinking or not drinking and came across these words from Dr. Elaine Ryan (Retrain Your Brain) "If you met me last month, I was nasty to you and kicked you hard on your shin. This will hurt. It will hurt physically, on your shin. It may also hurt you emotionally. If you spent the past month thinking about it, “what a bitch, why did she do this to me?” and maybe working out exactly what to say to me when you saw me again. This is what makes you suffer. The more you think about it, the more intense the feelings come.
You re-live it. I might as well be by your side every day, kicking your shin. When this happens, it is no longer me that is causing your pain. You suffer because you do not let it go.
Maybe you think this is unfair – why should you let it go?
On the grand scale of life. These events are not important. I am not important. There are “the big things” that you have no control over that will cause you pain. The other stuff? The small things; ask yourself. Are they really that important to take up your personal space in your head, knowing that they make you feel bad? This is the part where you have the control that you can avoid. Choosing to let go of the relentless thoughts in your head, the rehashing of events that have already happened, and are in the past, allows you to put an end to unnecessary suffering.
Pain is inevitable: suffering is optional - Haruki Murakami
It is so very easy to hold on to things in life that are not good for us. Let's be honest, you are reading this today because you, like me, held on to alcohol for far too long.
SUNDAY
When something hurts you, you will feel the appropriate pain. This will ease. When it does, let it go." One of the gifts of sobriety for me is that it brings clarity allowing me to see issues circling, the calmness to deal with the emotional fall out from big decisions and the sober support network around me to lean on. Unlike the disconnect that is kitchen drinking where we find ourselves living a secret life in our head that is some kind of alternative parallel universe with endless noise, sobriety allows me to open up, talk about things and seek support when I need to and DEAL with them in a calm rational (there's a word (rational) that I would never ascribe to myself… and my husband and kids may debate this……. 😂 ) Do yourself a favour this week and learn to let go of whatever nonsense is stirring around in that head of yours and enjoy sobriety for all it offers WHICH INCLUDES, letting go of things and NOT RUNNING from pain. Lots of love, Susan xx
daily email
SUNDAY
SUNDAY
Someone in my life who I do really love and care about and told her directly the seriousness of my medical journey this past three month. On hearing it she sent me a message that more or less said…
Dear Sober Queens
There was a time, when I felt myself unworthy, of a person, who could actually never be worthy of me. But not anymore. You see, my friend, there are many ways to spend your time on this earth – but wasting it, on those who are not worthy of your attention, is a crying shame. Use your time wisely. Save your best efforts for those who will return the favour, who will appreciate your attention. Those who truly value you. And the rest? If they do not see you now, they never will. And they are missing out. Make this moment that you realise, your time is precious and should only be bestowed on those who bring you positivity, support, love or joy and whom you can stand in truth with.. Remember, you are the main act, not a warm up, and this, my friend, is no dress rehearsal. This is it. The curtain is well and truly up."
In my world today is a good day as my 81-year-young Uncle Gerry arrived last night and his daughter arrives today so I will have a touch of home
for the weekend. He is crossing an ocean this
" Sorry to hear that Susan, keep me posted."
weekend in a show of support, an act of loving by doing and in there is the lesson this morning… He is crossing an ocean for me boarding an aircraft to spend time with his niece. THAT is a POWERFUL act from my late Mam's brother, his second visit in 14 weeks, he is crossing an ocean for me…. "There was a time, when I would have crossed oceans to reach people, who wouldn’t cross a stream for me. There was a time, when I would try, too hard, to be seen by those, who would simply never see me .
First fire bomb is the use of the word Susan - my mother called me that when I was being reprimanded or in trouble. My family and friends call me Sue. I remember reading the message thinking……keep you f*cking posted; I have just laid out song and verse how serious this situation is and you have said, keep me posted. That was hard ladies. Very hard. I was hurt. Very hurt. And then I sat back down in that way only a sober woman would understand. I sat back on all that learning we do in this space.
- Donna Ashworth
SUNDAY
All that personal discovery we talk of and I LEANED all the way into it and I DIGESTED THE F(CKING words and something in me snapped - broke even and I knew the game was up because I could no longer PRETEND she was there for me. No bells. No whistles. No ticker tape parade to acknowledge the end of the friendship relationship AND in digesting the f(cking words I REALISED - she had left the building long before now..
“I never let go of anything without leaving claw marks in it…." - Becky Volmer
It ached for a bit, nostalgia took hold for a few hours, and then my sober power took hold of something within me a, and I put my shoulders back and stood the heck up and looked in the eyes of the universe and said “I will no longer cross oceans for those who are not willing to cross a stream for me………" And I walked away from it and told my husband she was NOT to be on the list of those entitled to information as to my wellness post- surgery. No one who says ‘Keep me posted’ deserves to know diddly squat about me and my life..
“I will no longer cross oceans for those who are not willing to cross a stream for me………"
This morning as you head into Friday please honour yourself and your sobriety enough to know that sometimes letting go can be hard and challenging but stop walking across oceans for those who do not care for you the way they once did. Let it go and “Remember, you are the main act, not a warm-up, and this, my friend, is no dress rehearsal. This is it. The curtain is well and truly up.” PLEASE know I am crossing an ocean for you each morning when I arrive in your inbox....j oin me ladies as I look skyward and say, not today lady, not today. Lots of love Susan
daily email
SUNDAY
SUNDAY
I wish to share the words from a TV show that I am a fan of 'Truth Be Told' with the lovely Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spenser) who is a journalist- investigator-podcaster. In a recent episode, she talked about truth and I believe can be said about many different things including drinking-not- drinking-sobriety. CURATED extract from Podcast Script (Episode 10 Season 2) "When we think of things past down from generations, we often think of physical traits, you may have your mother's eyes or your father's smile, maybe think of family heirlooms treasured items collected and past down over time. But we can also inherit their pain, their mistakes, their trauma and the pain of the past often writes our future before we've even realised
I've talked about the year that defined my life, my lost year… My choices, the consequences for my choices…We are people of substance, of flesh and bone, of fibre and liquids. We are only invisible when people refuse to see us and I'll add when we refuse to see our selves. Unfortunately the world is filled with invisible souls……The stories we tell ourselves have consequences, those of us that are privileged to hold a platform, why waste our voices on a myth? I spent my life crafting the image of Poppy Parnell (please insert your name here) but my own myth no longer serves me, the further I ran, the further I got from my own truth. I let pain define me, but now I'm going home, I'm following my heart back to Oakland (please insert your sober tribe name here) to a family that will always ride with me and I am free to ride with them.
As Ellison wrote “When I discover who I am, I'll be free.” those words teach me how to go home again, how to see myself and how to be visible to those who truly matter. So, thank you for listening, I am Susan and I'd like you to reconsider." The myths we crafted whilst drinking were curated versions of ourselves. A version for work, for family, for friends and the outside the world pretty much all fake as to the amount we drank or when we drank. They were myths curated in the depths of a growing addiction that NEEDED us to erase moments, things and places from our minds if black-outs hadn't already blanked them out forever. The how we got up the stairs, the what we said, that gnawing fear within rising hour on hour after dawn broke - all of it repackaged to be presentable to the outside world, in fact,
how. Like some silent inexorable punishment.
daily email
SUNDAY
SUNDAY
to EVERYONE in our world other than ourselves.
how fabulous your Wednesday can be if you embrace the simple things, the joy of being hang-over free and heading into a day not regretful or embarrassed by our latest escapades. If you accept who you are and no longer curate a myth of who you really are as Elison wrote "“When I discover who I am, I'll be free.” In sobriety I found me and will never let her go again and enjoy the sheer freedom of not having to face into another day as someone else's version of who I am. I know who I am, I am a fecking myth-busting sober queen! Please join me in the sober dawn chorus as we say not today lady, not today.
I'd like you to reconsider…how fabulous life can be being authentic and real. Let's be honest, how many of us have denied having a hangover to our spouse? How many of us have denied drinking before he or she got home? The innocent question, “have you been drinking?” was met with “Don't be ridiculous, of course not, I just poured that.” The myths we build…… And let's go down another rabbit hole of thought - some continue to hold onto the myth of alcohol being some wonder-drug capable of making us more confident, less-anxious, less depressed, celebratory, or to grieve, or be broken-hearted or sing a few bars of Waltzing Matilda or Chandelier on Karaoke. Seriously? There isn't a drug on the planet capable of that super-bullet list of symptom- busting so can we bin that myth this Monday morning? Can we also sideline any nonsense that we have an 'off- switch' as many of us do not and if we did, we would not be in this space or reading this email. I'd like you to reconsider…
Lots of love Susan xxx
daily email
SUNDAY
SUNDAY
Dearest Sober Queens,
-I woke up in pajamas not clothes this morning. -I remembered to leave the key under the plant pot this morning as my son has forgotten his keys and arrives after I leave for work. -My daughter was grumpy at breakfast and I did not react and made toast and tea and smiled at her and by summer-camp drop off she had come round. -I don't have a headache this morning. -I did not need to take two Tylenol this morning. -I feel sad for no reason this morning and this is oddly good, as I am sad not because of alcohol, maybe it's hormones but it's not alcohol or drunkenness that got me here - I'm just sad and it will pass. -My Cappuccino is the BEST thing in my morning routine made using the milk frother my son got me for Christmas. It makes ME SMILE DAILY knowing he bought it, picked out the wild red berry colour for me. -I no longer hate Mondays. -It's lovely to sit here with my coffee in the garden listening to birds.
Boy yesterday morning many of you were GRATEFUL to be reminded of the extraordinary ordinary gift we have been given by not drinking. The pure magic that even on the toughest of days can make it better. We don't drink; because we were addicted to an addictive substance and are no more in that spiral of self-harm via a crystal goblet of a glass. I said the following in my morning email… I am grateful for a Monday that is not fuelled by cold kitchen stares BECAUSE I over-did it all weekend. Yes, I am grateful for the simplicity of a cup of tea and no regrets this morning.. knowing we are often so busy CHASING the extraordinary that we forget to stop and be grateful for the extraordinary that used to feel ordinary. It's not. Ordinary." Many of you were kind enough to send me an email telling me how grateful you felt for being sober and here is a compilation of what you said…
Emails said I am grateful this morning for the ordinary that is extraordinary in my life…
Please join me in the sober dawn chorus as we say not today lady, not today.
-I cleansed my face last night.. -I remembered to use my daily moisturiser and SPF sunscreen this morning in my skincare routine (which did NOT EXIST when I was drinking) -
Susan Christina Creamer
TARA + THOMOND Online Class Wisdom
For 18 months, every time I would exercise, I ended up in tears. At first I was embarrassed. Then I thought “About what? You are here all alone, let it out!” Then I read “The Body Keeps The Score” and after that, every time I cry, I just visualize some deep part of me, probably as a child, that wanted to cry, but wasn’t allowed to, and I just let it out. All that subconscious fear and self-doubt and shame….it’s a cleansing. And when I cry because something is beautiful or moves my heart, it makes me so happy…I think crying is such a gift now!!
I lean toward calming hues- I love shades of blue and green. I get my color therapy out in the natural world. It is truly a wonder each season while out on walks and hikes to see the changes. In spring the green is vivid, so green I’ve said many times it almost hurts my eyes after the grey of winter. New growth, leaves unfurling, green things poking up through the earth, fresh ferns in little tight green balls- it never gets old. In summertime the wild rugosa roses bloom by the many hues of blue ocean. The first weekend of July is always celebrated by a beautiful display of pink mountain laurel in the woods. Fall brings a firework of color, a last blast before the long winter. I always feel as though nature is saying, here, I’m giving you a gift of blazing red and orange and yellow before you hunker down for the winter. Truly amazing and I enjoy every second of these offerings, every season. Julie C. (Robinson)
(Lisa H. McNulty)
I spent many of my adult years feeling resentful for things that happened in the past. Things I saw as injustices, I was lost in my anger about those injustices and lost in anger about being angry. I felt resentment toward positivity. It was foreign to me and I felt fake to show any amount of it. I lived in a world of stories and spent years battling the feelings that came with them. I was held hostage and I used alcohol and anger to protect myself. It has been a long road, one that started a while before I attempted to get sober, but having alcohol out of my brain allows me to see things differently. I somehow came to an acceptance of these injustices and how things were, and an acceptance of my part in how my life shaped itself. It doesn't matter that I was fully unaware of my part or the role this anger played all these years. Somewhere along the road, I began accepting that things in my life were not perfect and that there were ramifications from that, but no one was really to blame. Recognizing that I made mistakes and that people in my life made mistakes was the first step. Addiction gave me the ability to become humble to see that as people, we are prone to make mistakes. It is part of being human. I'm not that resentment anymore. I'm past it and moving forward. For me, resentment became forgiveness.
B.H.
The Pink Cloud. I had no idea of what that was until I fell off of its fluffy softness and face-planted onto the ground about six months into my sober experience. I had been giddy with gratitude and joy in early sobriety as my body healed and my brain cleared. Life was bright and beautiful and I felt like I could literally fly!!! Then the waves of emotion that I had been numbing with alcohol came crashing over me. Hitting me hard. Knocking me down. Sometimes feeling like I might drown in those waves. Anger, sadness, impatience, doubt, loneliness… What the F***k was this? And how do I get back on my F****ing cloud??? It took a little while for me to accept that feeling the feels, not just the happy ones, is a part of living life and that ALL feelings will pass. I am relearning strategies to help me understand where all of these feelings and emotions are coming from. And feel much more peaceful these days. Yup. Face planting off the pink cloud caught me by surprise. But I have to admit that I am liking the Peace Cloud better. -Regina-
Have you ever heard the expression growing up “I’ll give you something to cry about” or “do you want something to cry about”. I did. The message for me was that to cry, you had to have a good reason. Unless you really have something to cry about, then suck it up buttercup. What I lost in my growing years, under this “rule”, was the ability to fully express myself through tears, any fucking time that I wanted. I was called sensitive and soft which led to trading in tears for anger and rage. I lashed out. I used my fists. And you know what. That still was not suitable to others. This world is confusing. What am I missing? I interpreted, at the ripe age of 5 or so, that I need something to cry about and I cannot express the anger that accompanies holding in my intense emotions that produce the thaw of tears. Booze eased it. Numbed me into a zombie and the problem was solved. Nope. Booze fueled these strong emotions and the tail of stuffing it all thrashed about and took out opportunities in its wake. What the hell was I supposed to do with my emotions? Tears did not have an articulable reason to flow. Like I needed a reason. When I got sober, at 28, the first time, I made a grave error. I held in tears. I sucked it up. I curated a self that appeared strong and confident. But on the inside was a little girl who was scared and lonely because she wanted to scream, cry, punch, dance, and cries and cry and cry. But did she have something to really cry about? Today I cry openly and without reservation. I cry at and with life’s travesties and victories. Tears are the safety valve of my heart that helps me to release the pressure build-up. I don’t need something to cry about. I am allowed to fucking cry for no reason. I cry when I see a cardinal, cry with the breeze that feels like it’s cradling my face, cry when a memory pops up….crying releases the tension of life. I would rather get a wet salty tear taste in my mouth than any poison that I used to prevent this from happening!
Ronda (McNulty)
Thank you sobriety Journal Entries Written by Lisa W " Black dark shame. Black dark guilt. Black dark self-loathing. Black. Stairwell. Gripping hard to stay upright with an audience on the sofa watching. Relief. I made it. They didn't notice. Bedroom staggering. Steady crawl. Pass out. Press repeat. "
"There is nothing like being in a dream to wake up living a nightmare." - Anonymous
-Dawn (Peeping sunshine)
- Diary Entry December 2018
I no longer lie awake at dawn as the sunlight peeps through our shutters fearing a new day, praying to the universe that today will be different as I wrack my brain as to what I did, what I said or what I promised at the witching hour. I now welcome the dancing sparkles of sunlight on the dappled floor plotting and planning my new day, with a new found energy, a new found purpose and arise from my bed, clear-headed and alive.
In sobriety, I smile as I know I am rewriting that script, and I feel excited, nervous, terrified, and grateful all in the same minute. I am thankful for sobriety because...
Thank you Sobriety.
I am Alive - I no longer feel like I am sleepwalking through my life, a bystander on the margins, powerless to make a change, held hostage by secrecy and lies that were strangling me. I stand here exposed, naked, and strong taking ownership of my life steering it where I want it to be, rather than being steered down a deep dark hole of remorse and guilt.
Thank you Sobriety.
| HOLA SOBER| IMADRID |
The Moon (Peace) -The sky above is vast and an ever-changing canvas that our sitting room and bedroom are pitched to enjoy. Nightly the ascending moon heralded an inevitable downhill slope of who I was, who I allowed myself to be with one eye on the world and one on the wine bottle. For 23 nights I now take to the patio steps and look skyward and stare at the majesty of it all. The silvery blue feathery sky turning to an indigo blue to a dark violet never ever turning to black and whisper 'thank you.' I enter into a nightly pact with my friend in the sky and promise to cherish this moment in the tumbling family kitchen and I breathe. Happily owning my piece of sky.
Thank you Sobriety.
Clear Sight (I see) -I have been the gift of seeing my movie all the way to the horrible gruesome miserable sad end and the shocking train wreck woke me up with such a jolt that I was forced to a truth that was mine and mine alone. It is forever etched on my brain and in moments when the chorus begins singing in my head I press repeat and pull out my words written tearfully when asked by Kate's lesson what do you not like about yourself when drunk and was again forced to stop hiding behind excuses and lies - Family (LOVE) -Being clearheaded and fresh has made me fall in love all over again with this man of mine, with these boys of mine. They are my greatest work and my greatest choices and send a clear message to me, myself and I that through the darkness there was light, there was joy, there were moments of greatness and in spite of wine witch bitches best efforts she had lost long before I started this course because my family were never going to leave me behind. Quietly they fought my corner when I didn't even know it. Quitely they built me up when I tore myself down. And quietly they stood in the wings knowing that one day I would wake up and when I did, they would be standing there with open arms and love.
Thank you Sobriety. Day 104
She is now over 1300 days sober.
| HOLA SOBER| IMADRID |
12 GIFTS OF SOBRIETY this holiday season
by gayle mcdonald Founder Sober Bliss
Being very unmusical, this will not rhyme, nor is it a poem, but my twelve gifts of sobriety are genuine and gratefully acknowledged every single day and not just at Christmas. Of course, there are the most profound gifts such as renewed freedom, pride and self-respect, self-confidence and a love for life and myself again. But in keeping with the well-known festive song, I have chosen some of the precious and sometimes underrated gifts of sobriety that I get to experience every day. Sing along if you wish but I can’t guarantee it will flow! On these days of Christmas, I’m remembering what my sobriety gave to me…. A lovely cup of tea. I’ve always loved my tea but there is nothing more wonderful than that first cuppa brought to me in bed which I savour and enjoy like nothing else. Two sons again. Sadly there are great chunks of my son’s childhood that I don’t remember thanks to being drunk or hungover. Now, I have them back and words cannot express how that makes me feel. 3 p.m. yoga Nidra naps. Living in Spain, siestas are obligatory but mine were always for recovering from early in the day drinking so I could drink again later on. Naptime is now the pure joy and deepest relaxation that is yoga Nidra! Four fabulous extra hours in the day. At least! I now have the time to actually do the things I want to do, instead of drunk dreaming about them while I wasted away the hours on the sofa. The couch to 5K plan. I do this sporadically, slowly, and with a bit of a love/hate mindset but at least I can do it if I want to and when I want to. No more writing it off because I am too hungover or favouring a drink instead of a run. Six marvelous mantras. My day starts with some journaling and repeating of mantras – I have six which I repeat often. They do change from time to time and are always positive and uplifting!
Seven wonderful waking moments every single week. Sobriety has transformed my days, I love my mornings of meditation, journaling, and happy music. Getting up at 5 is not a problem and I savour those delicious, precious moments when the rest of the world is still sleeping. I had no idea! Eight ways to be more woo. Despite being born on Halloween and being called a white witch (probably because of my hair) I had no idea about spirituality, woo or anything remotely ‘out there’ before I got sober. Some of my explorations into the woo side of life have become my strongest sober tools – here are eight of them: meditation, spellcraft, affirmations, oracle cards, demonology, smudging, crystals, and reiki healing Nine hours of sumptuous sleep. Intentional, nourishing, restorative sleep. There is nothing more beautiful than climbing into bed feeling proud and happy to be sober instead of passing out or being put to bed by my kids or husband. Ten minutes of meditation. Daily dips into peace and calm to help unclutter my mind, connect to my inner world, and set the tone for the day. Eleven phenomenal new friendships. There are of course many more but I had to find something for 11! I am so grateful for all the wonderful, amazing sober folk who have come into my life, and to think I used to believe not drinking made a person dull and boring – so not so! Twelve magical months every year. What can I say! While there have been great months and rubbish months since I quit drinking and despite the ups and downs of each one, thanks to living AF, each month has been magical in its own special way. Looking forward to more days, weeks, months, and years of AF magic and sparkle!
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile, the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile, the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
12 TIPS FOR SURVIVING the party season
by Janet Gourand - Founder of Tribe Sober
if you’ve been working hard to cut down or even ditch the drink all year then it’s possible you are facing the festive season with some trepidation – and a concern that you are going to undo all the progress you’ve made. So let’s make a plan…here are our top tips to get you through 1. Party like a celebrity Do you think those guys accept every single invite they get? Of course not! They pick and choose and so must you. Just pick the events you really really want to go to – then turn up late and leave early! 2. Don’t get overtired Pace yourself. One or two parties/events a week is probably quite enough if you work full time. When exhaustion sets in you could find yourself reaching for a drink to give you a “lift” so try to avoid getting to that stage. 3. Have your go-to-drinks There are more and more alcohol-free alternatives coming on the market. You can phone the venue to see what alcohol-free drinks they have before you go. If you have something that looks vaguely alcoholic people will leave you alone and you won’t have to spend the night telling them your life story! 4. Remember, alcohol is not a magic potion We’ve been brainwashed into thinking that alcohol has magic properties when of course it's you, your friends, and the environment that provides the fun – not the contents of your glass! 5. Fake it till you make it Slap a smile on your face and commit to an hour of making a real effort. Listen to what people are saying and you might learn something interesting. Act like you’re going to have a fabulous time and who knows, you just might 6. Be an anthropologist Mingle and observe – catch those voices changing pitch, listen out for “those stories” being told once again, and look out for people wearing their sexy (drunk) faces. You’re not judging, you’re just entertaining yourself.
7. Always have an escape plan Make sure you can go home when you want to. This means that if you are giving people a lift to the party they should be prepared to make their own way back. You can leave whenever you want, it’s no big deal. You came – and now you are going. 8. Turn the event into a challenge If you’ve been using alcohol to party hard for years then you are not going to get the hang of this overnight. You need to learn the art of sober small talk not to mention sober dancing and it takes time. But keep at it and gradually your social life will evolve from survival to enjoyment to awesome mode. 9. Make a firm decision that you’re not going to drink Make sobriety a priority and don’t even think about “deciding when you get there” , we all know how that one will end. Be assertive when offered a drink, a firm “no thanks” is going to work better for you than “I really shouldn’t”. 10. Remember it’s just one night The average night out lasts only about 5 hours. A good night depends on so many things; the mood you are in, the venue, the music, the people you are with – not just the contents of your glass. Cast your mind back and you will remember plenty of nights out that were decidedly average in spite of copious amounts of alcohol. 11. Prepare an explanation Frankly, it’s nobody’s business but people are very nosy. In a shouty party, it’s usually easier to lie – “I’m on meds” is a quick and easy one. 12. Play the movie forward You are going to feel so great tomorrow morning and many of these other people are not!! No danger of you having to do the walk of shame in the office and when you are sober the chances of you making a fool of yourself (or crashing your car) are greatly reduced.
“I urge you to find a way to immerse yourself fully in the life that you’ve been given. To stop running from whatever you’re trying to escape, and instead to stop, and turn, and face whatever it is. Then I dare you to walk toward it. In this way, the world may reveal itself to you as something magical and awe-inspiring that does not require escape. Instead, the world may become something worth paying attention to. The rewards of finding and maintaining balance are neither immediate nor permanent. They require patience and maintenance. We must be willing to move forward despite being uncertain of what lies ahead. We must have faith that actions today that seem to have no impact in the present moment are in fact accumulating in a positive direction, which will be revealed to us only at some unknown time in the future. Healthy practices happen day by day. My patient Maria said to me, “Recovery is like that scene in Harry Potter when Dumbledore walks down a darkened alley lighting lampposts along the way. Only when he gets to the end of the alley and stops to look back does he see the whole alley illuminated, the light of his progress.” ― Anna Lembke
Color:
PURPLE PORN
I put Autumn Porn in our September issue and so many of you enjoyed it that I have included it in our Sunday morning read as a girl can never have too many interior design ideas! To Follow on Twitter Click here Feast Your Eyes on these Beautiful Homes
EMBRACE SOME AUTUMN PORN
SUNDAY KITCHEN HOLA SOBER
Expresso Martini AF
PERFECT SUNDAY TREAT
INGREDIENTS
2 oz / 4 tbsp espresso coffee 0.5 oz / 1 tbsp n/a coffee liqueur (Lyre’s range) 1 tsp agave syrup (or simple syrup) a handful of ice garnish: coffee beans
METHOD
-add the first 4 ingredients to a cocktail shaker -shake vigorously to wake up the froth! -strain over martini glasses -top with a coffee bean or two
This makes the most of the coffee liqueur in a bitter-sweet mocktail. Tastes great when served immediately as it is chilled.
-Recipe provided by Jane Mc -
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