F ind the R ight F ocus
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” –M aya A ngelou
How the Empowerment Dynamic Produces Better Outcomes
Is your self-perception self-limiting? It is for many of us, and we don’t even realize it. As a part of The Manely Firm’s continued learning efforts, we are taking a course based on David Emerald’s book “The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic).” We’ve already learned much about how we relate to ourselves, others, and our goals. Emerald explains the Empowerment Dynamic by starting with another one: the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). In a DDT, we all take on shifting roles as victims, persecutors, and rescuers. Victims feel innocent, powerless, and
R hubarb C risp
Inspired by FoodNetwork.com
hopeless in the face of someone else’s actions or life events. Persecutors can be people or uncontrollable circumstances, but the people tend to lack empathy and blame others. Finally, the rescuer intervenes between the victim and persecutor, often due to a people-pleasing nature. The DDT roles aren’t necessarily bad or even an inaccurate way to describe the circumstances, but they are limiting. We can take control of negative situations by reenvisioning ourselves as creators, challengers, and coaches. We choose how we respond and become empowered. In family law, it’s easy for our clients to become victims, their spouses persecutors, and our legal team rescuers. But that doesn’t ultimately support the best outcome for everyone or get our clients closer to fulfilling their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. So, how can we learn to relate to each other in more empowering ways? It starts with three vital questions. We’ll cover them all in the coming months, but let’s start at the beginning. The first vital question is this: Where are you putting your focus? Our focus determines our emotional state and, ultimately, how we behave — and many of us put all of our energy into the problem when we could use it to create the outcomes we want. When we focus on problems, finding solutions ironically becomes more difficult. We default to our victim mentality and instinctive reactions of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These responses are based on emotion, not reason. If we instead shift our mindset to outcomes, we can take rational steps to make them a reality. We encourage our clients to focus on outcomes to help them build their desired futures. Where do they want to land in 10 years? What do they want their story to be? They can create that experience by finding the appropriate focus and forging a path ahead.
I ngredients
Topping: •
Filling: •
1/4 cup roughly chopped walnuts 1/4 cup old-fashioned oats (not instant)
2 1/2 lbs rhubarb, cut into 1/2- inch pieces
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• •
1/2 cup plus 2 tbsp sugar 3 tbsp all-purpose flour
• • • • •
1/4 tsp cinnamon
3/4 cup flour
1/3 cup light brown sugar
1 tbsp sugar
4 tbsp unsalted butter
D irections 1.
Preheat oven to 400 F. Set rack in the center of the oven.
2. In a food processor, place all topping ingredients. Pulse until the mixture is crumbled to the size of small peas. Do not over-process. Set aside. 3. Into a large, shallow baking dish, pour the rhubarb and sprinkle with sugar and flour, coating the rhubarb evenly. Spread crisp topping over entire filling mix. 4. Bake until crisp is bubbly and the top is golden brown, approximately 30–40 minutes. Serve warm or room temperature. Enjoy!
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