When Marriage Counseling Won’t Work
It’s More Than Just Tidying Up
Avoid Couples Therapy With a Controlling or Abusive Spouse
Divorce isn’t always the answer. All couples go through rough patches, many of which can be overcome. Before deciding to divorce, experts generally agree you should attempt to settle your marital conflict through couples counseling. But while therapy is an excellent tool for couples who have grown apart, can’t see eye to eye, or have experienced a breach of trust, there are cases where it can do more harm than good. At Bruce Law, we help many women leaving abusive relationships. Along with countless experts, we never recommend couples counseling in these cases. Therapy is not only ineffective in controlling or abusive relationships, but it may also make things worse. Marriage counseling starts from the premise that there’s a problem in the relationship both parties need to collaborate on to solve. But contrary to what abusers claim, abuse is never the victim’s fault. It is not their problem to resolve, and they cannot negotiate their way out of abuse. No ethical therapist will perform couples counseling when abuse is present, but often, they are left in the dark. Victims are reluctant to name or talk about abuse for fear of angering their abuser. Further, most abusers are master manipulators. They are excellent at winning sympathy from others and turning the table on their victim. Often, the victim will leave therapy believing they are to blame and feeling less willing to seek help. The same is true of controlling spouses, but the term needs defining. Some call their spouse “controlling” because they like to be filled in on plans in advance or are a stickler for cleanliness. These are typical sources of conflict, and therapy can often help. Truly controlling behavior, however, is emotional abuse. Warning signs include constant knowledge of the victim’s whereabouts, isolation from family members and friends, belittling behavior, and control over their appearance and actions. When indications of emotional abuse are present, couples therapy is inappropriate. If you know someone in an abusive relationship, couples counseling will not help, but individual therapy likely will. Individual therapy can help the victim regain confidence, see that they are not to blame, and develop a plan of escape. For many women we meet, it’s the safest way forward. Yes, abusers need help — but it should never come at their victim’s expense.
4 Health Benefits of Spring-Cleaning
Sunday, March 20, is the first day of spring — which means it’s time for some spring-cleaning. Did you know that cleaning is not just about tidying up a physical space? It’s also about improving overall well-being. Here’s how organization and cleanliness can help you in more ways than you might expect. Spring-cleaning reduces stress and depression. Tidiness and mental health are actually connected. Studies have found that having a clean home is directly correlated to happiness and your ability to focus. Anxiety can spike when laundry is piling up, items are strewn everywhere, and papers get scattered on various surfaces within the home. Clearing the clutter is a great way to boost your mood and increase those feel-good hormones. It prevents illnesses. Doorknobs, refrigerator handles, light switches, countertops, and remote controls are all things we touch many times a day. Cleaning anything that’s used often is one way to reduce the spread of germs. By keeping household surfaces clean, we help thwart the spread of viruses and illnesses. Spring-cleaning helps you breathe better. Spring often brings pollen that triggers allergies for many. But pollen isn’t the only thing to blame when people have difficulty breathing. When dust and pet dander build up in your home, your respiratory system is greatly affected too. Deep-cleaning your air filters and vents can make breathing effortless — and it’s truly amazing how this can improve your well-being. It keeps you more active. Off the couch and on your feet! Even just running the vacuum and clearing the clutter from the dining room table will get you up and moving, which is healthy for your heart and body.
Is your friend or client married to a controlling, manipulative, narcissistic husband?
OUR BOOKS CAN HELP!
This spring season, putting some elbow grease into your cleaning will benefit you in more ways than one. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later!
The book can be downloaded for FREE at DivorceInformationBooks.com.
2 • BrucePA.com
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