Most of my life I told myself I was too fat to have short hair. It was said matter of factly, without angst or shame, and only ever to myself (I would never admit to such warped anti-feminist thinking out loud). In my delusional thinking the longer hair was somehow bal- ancing out the proportions of my body—drawing the emphasis away from my back rolls and big thighs. I think perhaps I felt it was help- ing to project some sort of femi- nine allure that I had absorbed was attractive and advantageous for nav- igating the world. Having short hair, I must have imagined, would limit my appeal (read, to men), expose all my physical “flaws,” and just be too much for the public to bear. What a load of baloney.
I was (and remain) a white, mid-upper class woman with a supportive community and a ton of privilege. I moved confidently through the world, wasn’t afraid to use my voice, and had a history of often getting what I wanted. So, on some level, I was proud of being big, of taking up space… but only to an extent. The self-confidence that I projected was, in part, a defense mechanism designed to keep folks from even a whiff of the soft vulnerable underbelly of insecurity I had about my size. BIG WATCH OUT FOR THE GRRRLS BY MELISSA HUDSON BELL 39 SUMMER 2022 in dance FALL 2022 in
38
in dance FALL 2022 38
In Dance | May 2014 | dancersgroup.org
unify strengthen amplify unify strengthen amplify
44 Gough Street, Suite 201 San Francisco, CA 94103 www.dancersgroup.org
Made with FlippingBook - Online Brochure Maker