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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
Cannatown Lifestyle
Wish I'd Known is was an Infused Bu et
Moira Bitterman
Oh my gawd , did I just hear Denise right? Did I understand her correctly, that all the food over on that entire taco bar is “medicated”? Like, with heavy THC? Oh my gawd you guys, are you telling me, I just ate a half-plate of a nacho mountain, two crispy rellenos and a chimi- changa, and my entire weight in sopapillas, and it was all hopped up on delta-nine? Holy jalopies , gals! Why didn’t anyone tell me? I would’ve liked to know that the freakin’ bu et was infused! Did nobody hear my little story about having to eat dinner at Carl’s parents’ house? ey served lukewarm cod! And in the morning the le overs that lugnut brought home stunk up the whole fridge, I couldn’t even be in the kitchen ! And then I had to skip lunch, running to the bank between the massage and jazzercise. Didn’t anyone see me ravenously eating over here like my life depended on it? I was making up for 24 hours worth of meals in one! Nobody? Gawd, girls. I just wish some- one would’ve told me, “Hey, by the way, this food is all packed with a ton of cannabis !” Can’t you agree, Gina , that you’d probably be pretty pissed if you were about to lose your mind? I don’t have time to trip right now, do you? Oh, you only ate half a churro? Good for you , that’s great Jennifer, I ate four servings . Aw, Jeez. I don’t even know where I put my car keys and jacket. But I should proba- bly get them from the coat room and put it all together and then
Greg, Vic & Barry are Fightin' Again Greg, Vic and Barry have broken into sti- cu s again, following a disagreement about what, exactly, custard is. Each has a di erent theory about the egg yolks, and churning and delivery processes. e lactose intolerant Greg, who considers all scoo- pable frozen desserts ice-cream, made the rst move with a jab at Vic’s ribs, but missed, planting a solid hit right into Bar- ry’s chin. en Vic with the le hook. And Barry recovers with the knee right in Greg’s forehead, then stomps on his foot for good measure. And Greg gets Vic with two ngers in the eyes, ouch! And now the headbutt back, right into Barry! is is unbelievable folks, Greg has them both by their vests! It’s going to come down to garments. And it’s Barry with the swing hard right, an up- percut straight to Greg’s jawbone. He’s trying to wear out Greg by poking him repeatedly. And Bar- ry--it must be that blow to the head? Barry’s go- ing down now, he’s melt- ing like a pool of water. Looks like Greg's on his knees a er that last hit. And it's Vic for the win! e other two must now take his opinion as fact!
nd a safe place to sit. Or maybe I should try to make it home rst, before all this kicks in. at’s not a bad idea. How long ago did I order those sopapillas? Where'd my watch go? Did you just play the trumpet? Geez, Linda, who does your nails? You’re talking loud, what did you say? Oh no, it’s kicking in? Oh, cupcakes, girls, it’s kickin’ in. It’s kickin’ in. It’s too late to go home, ladies. Gina, thanks for this makeshi helmet. And Linda, for grabbing my purse--I’ve got it safe and I’m sitting on it. Ooh, tiddles, I may need to go lay down in the broom closet. Oh Tiddles ME. Tiddles me sideways. Did you have the el pastor? I know it’s pork, but is it, like, se- rene ? Gina! Gina! Gina! Did you have the El Pastor ? It seems like there was something bothering me a few minutes ago. Hmm. Do you think they’re bringing out any fried ice cream? Hello, Margaret? Anyone? Where are we? What are we doing right now? Oh my gosh, gals, look at the spread! ey have sopapillas !
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