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Confrontation and conflict We’re each leaving a trail behind us – our reputations and our effect on the world – as industry leaders, we should focus on making those as pleasant as possible. O P I N I O N
I f you have a leadership role in your organization – if you’re the place where the proverbial buck stops – you’re going to find yourself eyeball-to-eyeball with someone in-house, a client, or a consultant who is unhappy about something. The “something” could be work-related, or the person simply could have gotten into an argument at home before going to work and is itching for a fight.
Ed Friedrichs
of being part of the problem. That brand, or reputation, will be very hard to shed, making your job of leadership increasingly difficult. As I have become more conscious of these new rules of engagement, I’ve begun to watch for and study those who are pros at defusing conflict and reaching consensus on issues. One tactic I’ve used for years and have observed in others when faced with someone who is angry or just being disagreeable is to ask the person to “tell me more about that” in a genuinely curious tone. It’s non-confrontational, slows down the heat of moment, and delivers a very clear statement that “I respect you and what you have to say.” It does not imply “I agree with you” nor “I am going to cave on my position,” but it does provide an opportunity to listen to why the other person feels the way he or she does. Who knows: I may learn something by listening to the way the other person thinks, causing me to shift my position. At the least, the exchange will help me gain insights into how we’re going to negotiate a compromise that is acceptable to both of us. Then, there’s the termination discussion. This type of discussion doesn’t have to be about termination, as in dismissal. It could simply be an expression of concern when a person isn’t performing well. But the concepts and tone are the same. The person is performing poorly at their tasks. He See ED FRIEDRICHS, page 10 “You may be the boss and have the authority to say, ‘I don’t care what you think; this is the way it’s going to be,’ but that is going to leave behind a very messy trail and reputation.”
You may be the boss and have the authority to say, “I don’t care what you think; this is the way it’s going to be,” but that is going to leave behind a very messy trail and reputation. Why do more and more people today seem as if they’re “just itching for a fight”? It’s nearly impossible to go into a meeting in any public forum from the United States Congress, a courtroom, a city council, or a planning commission meeting and not see the degradation of civility in our society. We witness it every day through examples of “road rage” on our streets and highways or fighting it out – horns honking and fists shaking – over a parking place at the shopping center. A bad attitude seems to be more common than not these days. I have neither the knowledge nor the academic credentials to tell you why we’ve devolved to this state, but I’ve taken it upon myself to work at remedying it in my own encounters. I’m increasingly running across people, young and old, who are saying, “How do I get away from this?” Returning to “the trail you leave behind” analogy, I believe this might be age-related. I’m finding older folks like me care; younger folks, less so. I’d like to make the case for why I think you should care, particularly if you’re young. People have long memories and, if you’ve worked out your aggressions by pushing back when pushed on, you’re building a personal brand “One tactic I’ve used for years and have observed in others when faced with someone who is angry or just being disagreeable is to ask the person to ‘tell me more about that’ in a genuinely curious tone.”
THE ZWEIG LETTER SEPTEMBER 21, 2015, ISSUE 1120
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