by Elizabeth Spencer COFFEE TALK Replacing our Shoulds with Coulds!
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T he other day at work, out of the blue, I asked my coworker if she grinds her own coffee beans. (We regularly have spontaneous conversations about, among other things, the life-giving qualities of coffee, the bliss of sugar-free vanilla creamer, and the incomprehensible unavailability of decent grocery store ranch dressing.) She answered with a sigh. “No…” She said it apologetically, as if she was confessing some unpardonable sin. “Honey,” I told her, “That was NOT a pop morality quiz. I just needed to know so I can share some of the new coffee I found.” Listen, sisters, there’s so much we can feel guilty about these days, I can’t even talk about it. The “shoulds” pile up so that we live in perpetual shame if we answer a casual question like “do you grind your own coffee beans?” the “wrong” way. We *should* cut out sugar and raise chickens
And to be absolutely clear: there is nothing wrong with any of those things! Good is possible within all of them. But if they become tyrants or moral judges, they have crossed a line and need to be reigned in. My older daughter recently started working out on a regular basis, and one day she was telling me that she decided not to go to the gym that day, even though she’d originally planned on it. I was glad not to hear any guilt in her voice. I told her, “That’s such a good attitude, honey. Exercise should serve you; you should not serve exercise.” Especially as women, maybe something to consider is replacing some or all of our shoulds with coulds. I *could* do this or that, instead of I *should.” It’s the difference between possibility and pressure. And I’ll raise my cup of coffee (however the beans got ground) to that.
and run a marathon and go to the gym and remodel our kitchen and knit and garden and travel abroad and cultivate a fulfilling hobby and spring clean our house—and o n and on the “should” list goes and grows.
126 SPOTLIGHT ON BUSINESS MAGAZINE • VOL 25 ISSUE 3
HEALTH & WELLNESS • SPOTLIGHT ON BUSINESS MAGAZINE 127
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