themselves. One of the great joys of marriage is during those first few years when you’re all by yourselves. Then a little baby comes along and you’re making decisions about the child without running to mother and dad for their advice. Actually you may be robbing your children of some very important maturing expe riences. I would suggest that you consider this seriously. You may want to separate your two families as soon as possible. You might approach it with them this way: you feel that you may be interfering, that you’re robbing them of experiences they should be having alone. These are experiences which will help them draw closer together, so I suggest that you separate as soon as possible. Then realize that while two fami lies are living in the same house, it would be most unusual not to have some difficult incidents. Arguments, disagreements and misunderstand ings will come — not because all of you aren’t nice, but just because you are different. Try not to let this take you by surprise, and recognize that there are several important things you can do to keep relations con genial. First, have it clearly understood what jobs are for whom. You may want to sit down and put this in writing. That way, everyone knows what is expected of him. Secondly, be careful of your words. We can so easily say things that are unwise or poorly timed. We are not careful to soften our statements. I think you’re going to have to ask the Lord for a great deal of wisdom so that when one of you becomes angry or upset, you do not say things that you will be sorry for later on. Think to yourself: “ This is an emer gency which won’t last forever. It will be over in a few minutes or a day or two. I had better not say anything I will regret.” You don’t want to undermine your children or get back at them, then be sorry for it later. Thirdly, try to be Christ-like in all of your attitudes. This may not be easy with other people living in your home. But God will give you good attitudes as you pray and read His Word. He wants to fill us with His joy, His peace and His effervescence so we don’t have to be on edge. When Christians become hateful and mean, it’s usually because they’re not spend ing enough time each day in His Word and talking with Him in prayer. May I encourage you by saying, you can be a great blessing to this young couple. I hope you will write and let me know how you’re making out. 37
FEATURE j$
t
t a l k i n g i t o v e r . . . with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
4 \
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of one of America's largest psychological clinics — The Christian Counseling center in Rosemead, California.
by the Spirit of the Lord” (II Cor. 3 :18 ). IN-LAWS IN OUR HOUSE Q . Your advice has been so helpful. I would like to ask about our present situation. Our son, his wife and child, are living with us now so they can save for a home of their own. We are cooking and eating together as a family. I want them to feel free to have their own company and use our downstairs family room for en tertaining. We are planning to share house hold responsibilities. I f they let down, how can I remind them without sounding like a nag? My husband and I want our children to assume their share of responsibility. We don’t want to be stuck with all the work. We love our children very much and want to be Christlike in all our relationships. Can you give us some suggestions? I feel there are many situations like ours. A. I want to thank you for this let ter. I certainly agree with your last statement. There are undoubtedly situations like this all over the coun try. Many people are living in with each other and trying to find out how to do it. You need to recognize that this is a difficult thing to do. They have their lives to lead and you have yours. You are different personalities with different backgrounds and different emotional responses. You have a certain background and have raised your children a certain way, while a son-in-law or daughter- in-law may have been reared quite differently. This does not mean that one of you is right and the other is wrong. Understand that you are just different and respect each other’s different ways of doing things. You say you’re living together so your son’s family can save a little money. I’m wondering how wise this really is. You may be causing more difficulty than the financial help is worth. You may be robbing them of a wonderful experience — living alone and raising their own child by
HOW CAN WE IMPROVE OUR PERSONALITIES? Q . I think my husband and I could benefit from help in personality im provement for adults. This may seem like a foolish question. But how much does personality improvement have to do with our spiritual lives? A. I want to compliment you on your interest in improving your person ality, and I do appreciate your writ ing. Christians, of all people, should have radiant personalities. You have asked how this can become a reality. One of the best ways for anyone to improve his personality is to con sider the qualities which he admires in others. Think of those whom you enjoy and like very much. Then make a list of the reasons: she’s gracious, he’s always honest, I can depend on her to listen and understand, and so forth. Think which of these qualities are manifest in your own life. Keep the list of desirable qualities in a convenient place, and look at it often. I’ve seen top business executives keep such a list in their desk. House wives may keep it in their purse or near the kitchen sink. Taking a look at these qualities often makes us more aware of what we are trying to accomplish. It is possible to change our personality if we really want to. By becoming aware of our needs and practicing desirable personality traits, in time we can become quite different per sons. The Christian has a vast resource not available to those who do not know Christ. There is a spiritual aspect to this. We are not only physi cal and psychological beings. We are spiritual beings as well. As we com mit our lives to God and read His Word, we see ourselves mirrored there. But, more than that, we see what God desires to have us become. He wants us to be conformed to the image of His Son. As we devote our selves to Him, we can see wonderful changes taking place in our lives. “ But we all, with open face behold ing as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as DECEMBER, 1969
ir
y
b
y > >
Made with FlippingBook - Online Brochure Maker