H O W CHR IST IAN ITY WORKS
Mary Wesbrook . . I guess it’s about the hardest work I ever d id ” " I t ’s awfully hard work to keep seeking .
I guess each of us goes through different stages in our thinking about religion. At least I have. I grew up in Excelsior Springs, Mo. It’s a health resort town and a nice place to live. My parents were Christians but they never talked about Christianity in our home. I have two brothers and the three of us went more or less faithfully to Sunday school until we were old enough to know better. By the time I was out of high school I felt sorry for anyone who went to church or read the Bible. I had life figured out. If you wanted fun you had to live. And living meant going at a fast pace with the fastest crowd I could find. Long before I was out of high school I was smoking a lot and drinking a lot. I didn’t give myself time to think about God. Some times . . . but not too often . . . I’d feel I was in the wrong place but I’d get over it in a hurry. Another drink would do that. But then a different stage of my philosophy of life started taking shape. I found out a strange thing. Though I was doing exactly as I wanted I had a feeling of unrest. Nothing seemed to satisfy and so I sought satisfaction in more activity in the sins of the world. The more I gulped in pleasure the less I had. It’s awfully hard work to keep seeking . . . I guess it’s about the hardest work I ever did. Finally a new concept emerged. If indulging myself brought no happiness then I’d deny myself. So I quit everything I considered a bad habit. But still I didn’t have any peace. I got to the point where I was afraid to go to bed at night because I was so afraid of dying. I was starting to think now about my relationship with God and somehow I knew I wasn’t ready to die. Still seeking, I moved to California. But my problem was within and moving half way
across the nation didn’t help a bit. Up to this time I don’t recall anyone ever telling me about God’s way of salvation through Jesus Christ. The days I felt the most depressed I’d read the Bible but I didn’t understand it at all. I knew there must be something to it but I couldn’t find out what it was. By this time I knew I had to find the answer to my unrest. I guess I was just physically and men tally tired. I knew there must be an answer and I knew God entered somewhere in that answer. So I started going to church. I tried most of the churches in Los Angeles. The only thing I remember about this period of seeking is that each minister took up an offering and I thought it was a racket. But I did meet some wonderful girls at the Salvation Army and they started praying for me. Then I moved up the coast to San Luis Obispo and started going to a church there. Each sermon seemed directed especially for me. It was almost as if the minister knew all about my life and my seeking heart. It was there that I finally understood that Christ died for my sins. But even after I found the answer I wouldn’t give in and come to Christ for for giveness. I felt I’d be making a fool of myself. I wanted to reform first. This went on for about two months until I read a wonderful book by Dr. H. A. Ironsides titled, Full As surance. That book seemed to answer all the questions that were bothering me. In a sweet and calm and wonderful way I knew my years of seeking were over. I had the answer in Jesus Christ. That was 10 years ago so I know it was no passing fancy. And through my experience my two brothers came to know the Lord as their Saviour and my parents who had long been indifferent came back to a closer walk with God.
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