By Dr. Chrissy Chard, parenting coach and educator, and the founder of Courageous Parents Parenting with Courage Values-Based Parenting
Here’s the truth: parenting is HARD. Between the sleep deprivation (whether it’s because you have littles or because your older children’s problems are keeping you up), the constant feeling of being needed, the never-ending list of to do’s, and the absolute barrage of outside forces telling you how you “should” parent, it’s no wonder so many of us end up feeling lost. In fact, in a recent PEW research study, most parents (62 percent) reported that parenting has been harder than they expected, with over a quarter of parents (26 percent) reporting that parenting is a lot harder (anyone else feeling seen?). Over the next four months, we will explore how to uncover an approach to parenting that is grounded in ease and self-trust so that parenting doesn’t feel so hard (sign me up!). This month, we will delve into how to use values as the inner compass from which all our parenting decisions can be guided. Then, in the subsequent three months, we will explore parenting through the lens of brain science, emotional intelligence, and
tangible strategies. Each month I’ll also share some simple homework we can do to make progress in the direction toward more ease and confidence in our parenting. Shall we? Clarifying Our Values While it would be great if there were a singular manual we could all read to teach us how to parent effectively (and I’d argue there are some books that get close), the truth is, parenting is uniquely individual. Those of us with more than one kiddo know this phenomenon well–what seemed to work seamlessly for our first kiddo falls completely flat when tried the second time around. The same is true for parenting. You might read up on positive parenting and feel that it doesn’t “work” for you, but then you learn about conscious parenting and feel that it just “fits.” The reason for this is, in part, because we each have a unique set of values that guides our lives, including our parenting decisions. By definition, values are “a person’s principles or standards of behavior, or one’s judgment of what is important in life.” Whether we are
conscious of it or not, each of us is making decisions on a day-to-day basis that are rooted in what we value. Articulating what those values are is a great way to bring awareness to your decision-making, and eventually to find a sustainable parenting approach that feels values-aligned, and therefore more grounded. So, that’s exactly what we will do this month. Values-Clarifying Exercise: To the right you will find a list of values. As you read over them, take a moment to jot down any of the words that resonate for you. You can also feel free to add words not on this list. After your first pass, go back through the words you wrote down and circle the ones that really resonate for you. Finally, take that shortened list, and see if you can whittle it down to three to four values. Importantly, if you have a co-parent, or if your children are preschool aged or older, it can be incredibly helpful to do this exercise together, so that what results is a list of values that the whole family is on board with.
16 JULY 2023 | NOLAFAMILY.COM
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