have something else going on in their lives causing stress. How do you diffuse these episodes, which Pollack calls “acute scalated conflicts”? It’s tricky, especially because time isn’t on your side, but a little compassion can go a long way. “Your best bet is to figure out how to get someone to feel respected as opposed to disrespected,” says Pollack, who specialises in resolving workplace conflicts. “Just saying out loud, ‘I’m sorry if it seemed like I disrespected you’ can calm someone down because the whole perception is, ‘This guy’s disrespecting me. He thinks he’s tougher than me. He needs to get taught a lesson.’ You need to convey that you know you made a mistake, and you don’t need to be taught that lesson.” One member chased another while promising to kill him with his putter over what he thought was a questionable drop. •••
Sometimes the most painful – and longest lasting bruises – from these scuffles are to a person’s reputation. Fighting, and even just verbal assaults, can lead to being banned from a course, losing a membership, and can even prevent getting accepted at another club. Recently at a prestigious club that has hosted several major championships, a golfer hit into the group ahead, not once, but twice in nine holes. One of the folks who experienced a tee shot sailing over his head was a “Saturday Night Live” actor. When the groups met at the turn, it’s unclear if the long-hitting and physically intimidating golfer recognised the comedian, but if he did, it didn’t stop him from trying to pick a fight. Like a boxer with his words, the comic more than held his own verbally. No one recorded the incident on their phone, but security cameras were rolling. News of the confrontation spread, and it wound up costing the aggressive golfer, then a junior member, his full membership. “This reminds me of the road-rage phenomenon,” says Dr Jeremy Pollack, a social psychologist and conflict resolution consultant, after reviewing several viral on-course fights we showed him. “I think people aren’t feeling physically threatened. They’re feeling sort of ego threatened.” Pollack says it’s important to remember that people often
One adult golfer from each group squared off in a bout that featured several landed punches (a rarity) before the two fighters suddenly ended things with a cordial handshake (also a rarity). The authorities weren’t called, but those involved in the fight were banned from the course. A similar situation happened in June 2023 at Eaglewood Resort & Spa in Illinois, after one golfer didn’t appreciate how close a drive from the group behind him landed. He picked up the golf ball – a surefire way to spice up an interaction – drawing two golfers to get in his face. Cursing, threats and gesticulations followed, but no punches were thrown, and eventually tempers settled down for both groups to continue playing and complete their rounds. It was being recorded though and within hours it was on an Instagram account and getting picked up by golf outlets everywhere. ‘You’re a thief, man! You’re a cheat!’ Tensions can spill into post-round drinks, as the world saw at South Africa’s Lake Club Benoni. The video dates to the club championship in March 2019. Inside the club bar, one golfer accused another of cheating. “You’re a thief, man,” a guy in a white T-shirt said across a crowded room. “You’re a cheat!” As he stepped back from the
bar, his target emerged. Both guys had already changed into flip-flops. “I don’t care, I’ll call you that to your face. Because you’re a--.” The accuser, however, didn’t finish the sentence before he was head-butted, causing him to fall backwards into a window and shatter the glass. The accused continued his retaliation with an overhand slap to the head with his right hand and three uppercuts with his left before stopping and being pushed away by a woman. “He’s never going to play golf here again,” the downed accuser muttered as he stumbled to his feet. Someone else exclaimed, “I got it on camera!” just before the end of the video. The club wasn’t as excited about the video evidence making the rounds. “It is very unfortunate that the video has gone viral as this is a once-off incident and is not indicative of the fellowship we have at our club,” the club said in a statement. “Urgent meetings to discuss the way forward have already taken place, and we can assure you that the situation will be dealt with both fairly and promptly.” “A club should not be held accountable for some idiot members’ lack of good sense, but how the club responds to these situations can impact the club’s reputation,” says a head pro at a private club. “I can under-stand why these clubs don’t want to discuss these nasty incidents and have to explain their actions.”
76 GOLF DIGEST SOUTH AFRICA
GOLF DIGEST SOUTH AFRICA 77
NOVEMBER 2023
NOVEMBER 2023
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