can do to foster this connection, regardless of your children’s ages. Through loving interactions, attuned responsiveness, and quality time, you create a safe space where their emotional needs are met. This then forms the bedrock for them to explore their feelings, develop self-awareness, and understand the emotions of both themselves and others. To illustrate this further, let’s talk about Will, a dedicated father who came to work with me when he found himself unable to support his five-year-old son through some pretty intense meltdowns. Through our work, he came to understand the importance of connection in fostering not only his son’s emotional intelligence, but also in gaining his son’s cooperation. Over time, Will was able to prioritize three things that made a huge difference in his relationship with his son, as well as his son’s willingness to cooperate with his daily requests (things like getting his shoes on, going to the dinner table, and turning off the TV). First, Will made it a priority to engage daily in what I call “delighted time-in,” where he left
his phone in the other room and entered his son’s world to play with him, while also delighting in what his son was doing. Second, Will changed the way he made requests of his son. Instead of shouting from the other room, “turn off the TV and come to the table!,” Will started taking just a few extra seconds to walk over to where his son was, sit down with him, and take an interest in whatever his son was doing. He would then offer a playful way for them to get to the dinner table (“shall we do rocket ship or spin while we walk?”). Will realized that while he thought doing this was going to take extra time, it actually SAVED him time because he often only had to ask once. (Importantly, it also preserved the connection between Will and his son). Lastly, Will started apologizing to his son when he found himself losing his cool and yelling. Will would circle back with his son to say, “I’m sorry,” and would also invite his son to share how he felt when Will yelled. Through these moments of connection, Will witnessed the frequency, intensity, and duration of his son’s meltdowns drastically reduced, as he blossomed into a
compassionate and emotionally intelligent young soul. Their bond became a safe place where emotions were embraced, believed, and even celebrated. As you move through parenting, remember that emotional intelligence is not about shielding your children from negative emotions, but rather about equipping them with the tools to navigate and understand their emotions. And importantly, remember that this is developed in our children through their caregivers fostering a safe space where vulnerability is embraced, and empathy is modeled. As we continue to nurture the bond we have with our children, and apologize when there is an inevitable rupture, we uncover a parenting approach filled with confidence, warmth, and connection. While this may sound simple, it’s certainly not easy! The truth is, we were never taught how to do this. Many of us also never had this modeled to us. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out for support.
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