reliant and eventually self-sufficient adults,” Dr. Braden says. Additionally, explaining to a child why they can’t have something is essential. The common phrase “because I said so” is acceptable as a last resort. When you tell your child they can’t have something, explain why you are saying no. Saying “no” to a child goes hand in hand with setting boundaries. Setting clear boundaries with a child makes it easier for them to understand what’s okay and what’s not. For example, a boundary with a child is they cannot have a sucker every time they are at the grocery store. Instead, they can choose a toy or sucker after a doctor’s or dentist’s appointment. “Kids, as we know, are not known for being patient, but it’s a good idea to teach them to wait for things,” says Katherine Dilzell, a parent educator with the Parenting Center at Children’s Hospital New Orleans. “Wait for a holiday or birthday, and then they could get things they really want. But not necessarily giving in immediately to every little thing they want.” Another way to prevent entitled behavior is by having a system where they can earn something they want. Giving a child an allowance or rewarding them for something they did well can
put in perspective that they aren’t always entitled to special items they want. 2. Discuss Needs vs. Wants Another preventative strategy is discussing with your child the difference between what they need and want. “Even young kids will understand that there are certain things you need to survive, and that could include water, food, clothes, and shelter. Then there are things that you would like to have, but you don’t necessarily need them to survive,” says Dilzell. “One thing parents can do if they’re shopping with their children [is] talk about the things they are getting. Is it a need or a want?” The line between needs and wants becomes gray when the technology discussion is brought into the equation. A child might want a cellphone and think they are entitled to one because all their friends have it. Yet, a child who walks home from school might need a cell phone in case of an emergency. “I think it’s up to the parents to decide if that’s something their child is actually ready for,” says Dilzell. 3. Doing it All
“I think much of the entitlement epidemic began when parents decided they could ‘do it all.’ By that, I mean they attempted to work outside the home, do household chores, support their children in school and sports, and pursue vocational endeavors. They gave without expecting anything back or requiring help from their child,” says Dr. Braden. By putting some responsibility on a child, it will help them learn about how the real world works. Moreover, it’s important for children to see that parents make mistakes and aren’t perfect. Seeing adults who they look up to make mistakes and fix them will further their understanding that making mistakes is part of life. 4. Basic Manners The earlier parents begin teaching their children basic manners, the better. For a child to learn and say “please” and “thank you” helps them understand how to respect others and be polite. Entitlement goes hand in hand with being disrespectful. If a parent makes breakfast, cleans the dishes, and packs a lunch for their child, in return, the child should say “thank you.” By a child not saying this basic phrase, it can come off as entitled because they believe they are entitled to be “served.”
NOLAFAMILY.COM | JUNE 2023 21
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