3 R ULES FOR A DDRESSING C ONFLICT
Don’t involve anyone else until you first discuss your problem with your offender. When someone offends you, the first thing you’re called to do is to keep the matter between the two of you. Too often, we try to build an army before we go to the person who hurt us. We feel like we need backup so we won’t be alone in defending our position. What if we had a method of dealing with conflict that didn’t involve gossiping, complaining, or getting our supervisors involved right away? What if we were sincerely looking for a positive resolution to our problem rather than a boost to our ego? We would probably be a lot more productive, and our relationships would yield plenty of good fruit. Unfortunately, many of us grew up in homes where conflicts were either avoided or allowed to explode in raging words and actions. There’s a better way, and it’s spelled out in a handy little guidebook called the Bible. The Bible tells us to go to our brother first . Imagine what that would look like. Let’s say that you’re hurt by the way someone spoke to your child or you saw two church members laughing when you said something foolish. Your natural instinct may be to find a buddy and complain or even to find a new church. Instead, you could go directly to the person who hurt your feelings and speak the truth in love. You may find that there are some things going on in that person’s life you didn’t even know about. Since no peer group or church is perfect, this could end up saving you a lot of loss, pain, and secrecy. You would be letting others know how you expect to be treated without acting prideful.
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