MADDvocate 2022

Take A Moment For a Round of Applause Alex Otte, MADD National President, shares her journey, and the amazing impact she has had on the future of drunk and drugged driving. pg. 6

03 To Breathe Dee’s Journey

December 2022

2022 December Edition

Table of Contents

pg.04 pg.08

• Take A Moment 02 • Take A Moment 03 • Take A Moment 04 • Take A Moment 05 • Take A Moment 01

For A Round Of Applause

To Make A Difference

pg.12

To Breathe

pg.20

To Ask For Help

pg.22

To Connect

pg.34 - 35

Portraits Of Healing MADD Private Facebook Group for Victims and Survivors MADD’s Helpline

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Take A Moment

Features

December 2022

For A Round Of Applause Take A Moment As my final year as MADD’s National President comes to a close, I am truly in awe of all of you: the MADD staff who support those who have been impacted in the best and worst of times, the volunteers who give your time and energy to this mission, the supporters who haven’t been impacted and remind us that the rest of the world cares, and the victims and survivors who never hesitate to bear your heart and are courageous in telling your stories in hopes that it won’t become someone else’s story. Thank you. 01

President’s Report

“ ... getting to know you, getting to know your loved ones through you, was a beautiful experience and one that I will never forget. “

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National appearances: on TV, press conferences, speaking engagements Walk Like MADD: plus dozens of virtual events during the pandemic Law Enforcement Recognition: plus dozens of virtual events during the pandemic

My first year as National President was a whirlwind. What started out virtual in a COVID world quickly changed to constant travel with appearances and events across the country and in D.C. Being able to be a part of the War Room that fearlessly advocated for the passage of the HALT Act to change the way that cars are made was a true honor. Standing with so many of you, getting to know you, getting to know your loved ones through you, was a beautiful experience and one that I will never forget. The War Room was honored this year at the Lifesavers Conference in Chicago, Illinois, the Governor’s Highway Safety Association Conference in Louisville, Kentucky, and the National Safety Council Conference in San Diego, California.

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Field requests for local events:

Facebook Lives:

Media mentions:

December 2022

When I came into this position, I had three goals that I wanted to be a part of accomplishing prior to the end of my term.

Goal 1.

The first goal was to see the organization do a better job of engaging with injured victims. The way that the organization has embraced this inclusion of traumatic injury in the conversation over the last two years has been amazing.

Goal 2.

The second goal was to expand MADD’s resources to reflect more than drinking and driving on the roadway. The culmination of this goal being achieved was the launch of MADD’s first national boating under the influence awareness and enforcement campaign, BUI = DUI, Know Before You Boat, in May of this year. I am elated to know that others who have been through what I have been through will never have to question whether MADD is here for them. Boating under the influence is driving under the influence, and MADD is here to serve all victims of impaired driving, regardless of the mode of transportation.

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Goal 3. My third goal for this term was to develop training for law enforcement on interacting with victims and families immediately after a tragedy, specifically as it relates to injured victims and officer mental health. MADD has developed a resource for law enforcement officers on this topic, and we hope to add a training component in the future addressing injured victims as a complement to MADD’s Death Notification Training. While what I set out to do two years ago has been accomplished, there is still much work to be done.

“ ... Being able to be a part of the War Room that fearlessly advocated for the passage of the HALT Act to change the way that cars are made was a true honor

... Thank you for allowing me to join you in this fight. I will be forever grateful ... ”

As my term as MADD’s National President comes to an end, I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know so many of you. Thank you for the opportunity to represent victims and survivors of drunk and drugged driving. Thank you for allowing me to join you in this fight. I will be forever grateful. Please know that while I will no longer be MADD National President, I am not leaving MADD. I will continue to support MADD’s mission, advocate for victims and survivors and share my experience to make sure we eliminate deaths and injuries caused by drunk and drug-impaired driving forever.

December 2022

To Make A Difference Take A Moment

From Puerto Rico, Tennessee, and Idaho.

Puerto Rico

M ADD Puerto Rico officially opened their office on May 16, 2022 as an Affiliate to MADD Florida. Since then, we are proud to say that our team has achieved so much and has impacted many lives! MADD Puerto Rico received grant funding from the Puerto Rico Traffic Safety Commission and endorsement from the Puerto Rico Cyclist Federation, Department of Education, and the Association of Private Education. We have already worked in alliance with the “Drunk Driving Special Prosecutor Unit” of the Department of Justice, University of Puerto Rico (largest and oldest university institution in Puerto Rico and the Caribbean), as well as other nonprofits and “ ...Our social media has engaged around individuals ... ” 20,000

foundations. Between the months of July and September, our motivation and hard work has led to more than sixty “Power of You(th)” and “Power of Parents” presentations. MADD Puerto Rico has also participated in more than twenty community events, promoting a future of No More Victims. Our social media has engaged around twenty thousand individuals. We feel proud of our progress and grateful to help end this 100% preventable crime. Without doubt, our prevention programs are positively impacting the youth, parents, and communities. MADD Puerto Rico will continue to reinforce its mission throughout Puerto Rico with dedication and responsibility.

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“ ... Between the months of July and September, our motivation and hard work has led to more than sixty “Power of You(th)” and “Power of Parents” presentations ... ”

December 2022

Tennessee

N icholas Scott Galinger was the proud father of young Ethan and Hailey; his two children were the joy of his life. Nick moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee and with high recommendations was asked to join their police force. One night, while on duty, a call from dispatch came across the radio asking Nick and his partner to check on a manhole due to storms in the area. As Nick walked into the middle of the street to check the manhole, an impaired driver sped down the road, with no regard for the hazard scaffolding and the blinking light, hitting Nick. Nick was thrown over 100 feet into the air and unfortunately, passed away due to his injuries. As Nick’s family grieved their loss, they came together to raise awareness and honor him by passing legislation. This legislation is known as Ethan’s, Hailey’s and Bentley’s Law. This law requires convicted drunk drivers who kill a parent or parents of a minor child to be ordered to pay child support for surviving children until they are 18 years of age. Originally, the legislation was created “ ... to raise awareness and honor Nick by passing legislation.This legislation is known as Ethan’s, Hailey’s and Bentley’s Law ... ”

in Missouri by a grandmother who was left to raise her grandson, Bentley, after his parents and sibling, Mason, were tragically killed on April 13, 2021, by an alleged drunk driver. After Nick’s tragic death, Nick’s parents, Gretchen and Barry Galinger, worked to get this legislation passed into law in Tennessee, honoring their son, Nicholas and their grandchildren, Ethan and Hailey. Senator Mike Bell and Representative Mark Hall supported this bill and Governor Bill Lee signed the bill into law. Versions of this legislation are now being considered in over 20 other states.

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Idaho

When Somchai Lurak and his family felt the impact of a large four-wheel truck from behind on August 10, 2019, life as they knew it would never be the same. Somchai and his wife Emma’s three beautiful daughters; Annena, Kya and Drayka were killed by an impaired driver going over 80 mph. The driver hit their family vehicle while it was parked. Somchai was critically injured, sustaining a C-5 spinal cord injury and was told he would never walk again. Saturday, October 15, 2022 at Walk Like MADD Idaho, Samchai and Emma Lurak, along with over a hundred other walkers showed up to take steps towards #nomorevictims in an effort to honor and remember their loved ones. A few months before the MADD walk, Somchai set a goal to get out of his wheelchair and walk as much as he could, and that is exactly what he did. He pushed himself each week at therapy, and walked a total of 240 yards! The couple feels empowered to make a difference, not just for themselves, but for their girls. “They would have been so proud of their dad,” said Emma.

“ ... Somchai was critically injured sustaining a C-5 spinal cord injury and told he would never walk again. ... He pushed himself every week at therapy and could walk 240 yards! ”

December 2022

To Breathe Take A Moment

Dee’s Journey

J ohn Steinbeck once said, “A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike.” An individual’s culture, upbringing, economic status, and personal experience makes this statement true. In a journey of life, a person may experience trials, tribulations, the twists and turns of life, joy, love, sorrow, and pain. In life, a parent never expects to outlive their children. There are some who breathe without effort, so naturally, comfortably. They wake in the morning and go to bed at night and the whole day has passed without giving it a second thought. There are some who have had their breath taken away so suddenly and violently and we’ve never managed to get it back. Some days are easier than others. Some days require more of an effort. Some days, I have to take a moment and breathe. It was Christmas Eve 2014

when my only 2 biological children were killed by a drunk driver. Isaiah was sitting in the back seat and was thrown from the vehicle. Joshua and his girlfriend Shannon remained in the front; all died instantly. The driver was going 95 miles an hour when he ran a red light and hit my son’s car, ending in a fiery crash. While Joshua and his girlfriend Shannon were burned beyond recognition, the driver walked away unharmed. I died that day too. The beautiful life we had was now gone and every day since that violent and tragic death, it has never been easy to just breathe. Joshua was 23 years old made his own costumes for Halloween. He took 6 months of piano lessons, then later taught himself how to play the guitar, drums, as well as the piano and trumpet. It all when his life was taken. He was talented, smart, creative, and artistic. He

came so naturally to him. Joshua was an old soul, wise beyond his years. He was a quiet person and was so kind. Joshua had an aura about him – he was tranquil and had a love for animals and animals loved him. The family nicknamed him the, “animal whisperer.” He would sit on the ground and animals would come to him, I think they were able to sense the goodness and tranquility in him.

“ ... a parent never expects to outlive their children ... ”

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“ ...Today we still go to the movies with them in mind. We watch something they would like. After it ends, we stay and watch credits and look for their names ... ”

Isaiah was only 19 the night he died. For a big guy, he was a softy. He was charismatic and a born talker. Isaiah loved life and was always on the go, he enjoyed meeting new people and experiencing life. He loved sports from a very young age and was the athlete of the family. From the age of three to high school, he was involved in sports, from t-ball to football. Having just graduated, Isaiah was on his way to join one of the biggest teams he could, the United States Army. He was proud to join the service and even prouder to serve his country. He was 2 weeks shy of leaving for basic training. Isaiah was not calm or quiet, he had a big personality and smile to match. What made him special is that he was protective of those he cared about and would literally give the shirt off his back for a person in need. While he was the opposite of his brother, the one thing they shared was having a big, kind heart and Isaiah wore his on his sleeve. Together as brothers they were the best of friends. They always had each other to lean on. They would give each other advice on life and would end each other’s sentences with witty comments and made us all laugh. They were big comic fans of both, DC and Marvel. They would wait for hours in line for a movie premiere. They would invite us, the parents, to join them and their friends. What a blessing to have a relationship with our children to be included. Today we still go to the movies with them in mind. We watch something they would like. After it ends, we stay and watch credits and look for their names. Somehow it gives a sense they were watching it with us and enjoying it too.

December 2022

I was so lucky as a mother. I had these boys who had each other as best friends. I had my husband who took them in at the age of 4 and 8 and raised them as his own. We had a close relationship with our family, and we spent a lot of time together. I had teenage boys who enjoyed going to Grandmama’s house for, “movie night” on the weekends. Teens who enjoyed hanging out with the family swimming in the pool and barbequing. I was blessed to be their mother. I was living in heaven, until I wasn’t. Until that door was closed on me and I was standing on the outside looking in. All that was before me was an empty pool, an empty room, an empty house.

For a long time, I couldn’t breathe. If I did, it wasn’t because I wanted to. As time went on, breathing became easier. Some days are still harder than others. I read the books, provided by our MADD advocates, on the stages of grief. I’ve been through them all, several times over. What they don’t tell you, is all the physical and mental impact this kind of trauma inflicts on the survivors. I had never had to deal with mental issues prior to the death of my sons. I have since been diagnosed with depression, Post Traumatic Disorder, and anxiety from a crash that could have been prevented and changed our lives forever.

“ ... I was living in heaven, until I wasn’t ... All that was before me was an empty pool, an empty room, an empty house ... ”

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I have anxiety in a vehicle, although, I was never in a crash. Scenes from a TV show will trigger an outburst of tears. There are times I simply cannot get out of bed. Like muscle memory, my body instinctually knows what’s coming, sometimes before my mind, for instance on birthdays and holidays. I have since sought out professional support and continue to navigate through my grieving and healing. We now live in a different city and have grown stronger in our faith. I am thankful for each day God gives me to navigate through the different seasons of life. I am so very grateful for a loving and supportive husband, my family, and friends who continue to be here for me. Because we were and have remained such a close family, we often come together to remember our boys and keep them close. We live for them. Throughout our lives my mom always said, “somos familia”, “we’re family”. We were raised to believe that no matter what, family came first. That familial bond was woven tightly and though this tragedy stretched and pulled at the corners; we’ve managed to stay intact. Over the eight years since they’ve been gone, we still get together for their birthdays, and we still maintain their memorial markers at the crash site. This year, we were able to do something truly special, take our boys on an adventure and I could take a moment to breathe and connect with, Joshua, and Isaiah. “ ... my mom always said, ‘somos familia’, ‘we’re family’... ” “ . .. Because we were and have remained such a close family, we often come together to remember our boys & keep them close. We live for them ... ”

December 2022

This past Summer 2022, I took a last-minute Family Road Trip with my mother, sister, and brother. The one thing we’ve all learned, is time is promised to no one.

This was an opportunity for the four of us to strengthen our bond.

Day One Huntington Beach. During the first day of our adventure together we hit the beach. Joshua and Isaiah loved the water. As a family, we would visit beaches in Mexico and the Texas Coast where the boys would swim, search for seashells, and watch for dolphins in the ocean. Last year, for both Joshua and Isaiah’s birthdays, these days were spent on the beach remembering each of them. I spent Joshua’s birthday on Ocean Springs Beach. Watching the sunrise, and the birds singing was the perfect way to celebrate Joshua’s 30th birthday. For Isaiah’s 26th birthday, I watched the sunrise on South Padre Island. Listening to the sounds of the waves crashing and watching the glistening water reminding me of Isaiah’s bright smile. It was fitting as day one ended, as a family, we enjoyed the beach and the cool sand and watched the sunset. It was beautiful and priceless and a gift to have a connection with the boys on this first day of their journey. We all took a moment to breathe.

“ ... We all took a moment to breathe ... ”

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Day Two Las Vegas. Joshua and Isaiah had

adventurous spirits, so in their honor, my family and I made a vow to all zipline in downtown Las Vegas. My mother needed a little coaxing before agreeing to join the fun, but she did it with all of her love for her grandsons, she mustered the courage for Joshua and Isaiah to hit the sky. I know my boys were so proud of each of us enjoying life. We ended the night with a show and dinner and took a moment to breathe.

“ ... Joshua and Isaiah had adventurous spirits ...

... I know my boys were so proud of each of us enjoying life ... ”

December 2022

“ ... Both boys loved it and were amazed by the vastness and beauty ... Their lives were cut too short by a drunk driver ... ”

Day Three

Day Four

The Grand Canyon. The very first trip as a young family with Joshua and Isaiah was to the Grand Canyon. Both boys loved it and were amazed by the vastness and beauty. During that first family trip, when they were children, their adventurous natures shined as they hiked and set up their campsite. The boys never failed to remember the icy cold showers they took on this trip that they had to pay for! Each minute in the cold shower cost a quarter! Those were funny and great memories. Now, fast forward to the present time, my family and I took a tour of the Canyon. Seeing it again since the last time I was there, took my breath away. During our tour we experienced a true feeling of Joshua and Isaiah’s presence. We caught sight of a herd of wild horses running across the road we were on. The tour guide shared that during the years he had been providing tours he had never seen this type of rare miracle. He was shaking with excitement and shared that his wife, who is Navajo, believed this type of sighting is a blessing for all who witness it. It was so beautiful and brought us to tears. It was the perfect ending to our three-day journey, we took a moment to breathe, truly a blessing.

El Paso. My family and I traveled to visit with my sister’s family, and my husband and daughter, who also came into town to meet me. While our trip started with four, myself, my mother, sister, and brother; now, the family grew to include in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, and we enjoyed a family dinner and watched a video my sister created of our Family Road Trip journey. Together we all took a moment to breathe. Before Richard, our daughter Marissa, and I left El Paso, we visited the crash site where Isaiah, Joshua, and Shannon, took their final breaths. At the crash site, three white memorial markers were placed by MADD to serve as a memorial for each one. Their lives were cut too short by a drunk driver, and it also serves as a reminder to the community to not drink and drive. As a family, we cleaned up the site, painted their markers, placed new name plates, lights, and special fall decorations. We took a moment to breathe and remember. Each day, I am thankful to God, He chose me to be Joshua and Isaiah’s mother.

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December 2022

To Ask For Help Take A Moment Ask MADD’S Helpline!

MADD answers phone calls 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week and 365 days a year via the National MADD Helpline at 1-877-623-3435. As you can imagine, we receive many different types of questions. Here is just a sampling and how we would respond.

I know someone who drinks and drives regularly, what can I do?

Thank you for taking this seriously! I am sorry that you are dealing with this frustrating and frightening situation. I sincerely appreciate your concern for the safety of our roadways. I would encourage you to call 911 (even anonymously) each time that you know that this person or anyone else is drinking and driving. The more chances police officers have to pull them over, the more likely they will be taken off of the roads. When calling 911, it is helpful that you provide them with important details such as: make, model, color and license plate of the vehicle. If you have any information regarding their travel path, please be sure to include this as well, as the more details you are able to provide, the quicker the police officers may be able to find them. Legally the police have to verify unsafe driving before they can pull them over, but they will dispatch someone to the area to try to find them. If that person is on probation for a previous offense, you can also contact the probation department for the county/state in which their prior offense was located in to alert the authorities of their current actions. Only accurately report what is occurring. If you know this person and are concerned they may have a substance addition, consider contacting a professional interventionist. A professional will be able to teach you how to have a discussion with them about getting help. If you need to find treatment or a rehabilitation

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facility in their area, I would also encourage you to contact the National Treatment Referral Line at 1-800-662-4357. They have treatment referrals around the country. Consider volunteering with MADD! This is an important issue and we would love to have individuals like you to help us stop these 100% preventable crimes from happening. Thank you for reaching out - I am so very sorry your cousin was killed in an alcohol related crash. I realize there are no words to ease your pain and grief, but please know that you are in our thoughts. We have trained advocates across the country to provide services. MADD advocates provide a variety of free services including, but not limited to grief and loss support for those who are bereaved or injured, support through the criminal and civil justice systems, assistance in writing Victim Impact Statements to the courts, referrals for Crime Victim Compensation and other financial programs, support groups, and a variety of honor and memorial programs. To be connected to an advocate at no cost, call our Helpline at 1-877-623-3435. My cousin was recently killed in a drunk driving crash. How can MADD help?

What is MADD doing to stop these crimes?

So many things! Let me give you a few examples: MADD staff and volunteers work tirelessly to change legislation focused on research-based outcomes we believe will make the most impact to prevent these crimes from happening. We spend time educating youth and parents about the dangers of underage drinking (which research shows will also impact and lower the number of drunk driving crashes). We bring awareness to communities and even offenders of DUI through events and things like Victim Impact Panels, where victims and survivors share how crashes personally impact them. We engage in court monitoring to have a good understanding of how cases are moving through the systems. We support equitable law enforcement and prosecution of DUI crimes.

MADD does all of this and so much more, to learn more about what MADD does, please visit www.madd.org

December 2022

To Connect Take A Moment

As Friends and Volunteers

Pam I was invited to go to a VIP. I had no idea if that’s what I wanted to do but was told to just “come and observe”. So, I did and there were several speakers, but I was most drawn to Natalie because her message had emotion and anger, feelings that I was experiencing privately. Inwardly, I thought, “Yes, I can do this” and was accepted as a volunteer speaker. Every time I participated; the only thing I could do was read my victim impact statement. I kept saying to myself, “You gotta learn to speak from your heart.” I wanted to get over the anxiety of sharing my personal story with strangers. Eventually, I moved into being able to do that and, somedays, there was a little more anger in my voice than there were other times. There were times when I would just break down completely and Natalie was always there to give me a hug. I heard that MADD wanted to do a walk in Pittsburgh and I said, “We can do this—I can do this.” I realized I could not do the walk alone so I recruited Natalie to be Co-chair. Originally, she said, “Well, I’ll just stay in the background and support you.” Well, it didn’t take long before we both realized there was way too much work for one person and we have been side by side ever since.

Natalie

We never did anything like this before and with little guidance. The first year went well. So, we don’t know how, but we survived this.

Pam

We have said, off and on throughout the years, that, “We are not going to do the walk again next year—it’s a lot of work”, but then, you know, we both stood there and watched these people walk up the hill. We were drawn to this emotion of watching these people do this walk and we kind of looked at each other and said, “I guess we can do this next year.” So, it has been, “I guess we can do this next year” for the last ten years.

“ ... Victims and survivors don’t have to be alone during these challenging times. ”

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Pam

Natalie

We volunteer to hopefully keep impaired drivers off the road. VIP (The Victim Impact Panels) help keep the message going; public awareness of the impacts of impaired driving. There are a lot of ads against drunk driving, yet there’s nothing like telling a personal story to drive that impact home. Yes, billboards are fine, yet looking at one does not bring that public awareness like attending a VIP where the messages are felt, and they can hopefully learn or, “We will see you again.”

I thoroughly enjoyed my VATI (Victim Assistance Training Institute) training. The MADD host was awesome! I honestly didn’t think that doing it online was going to work. The host was wonderful with helping everyone stay on track, was great viewing the graphics and all of the educational resources. My first experience with VATI was in Ohio (2013) amongst a huge crowd. I learned more from an intimate virtual training, with the host as a facilitator because there were less distractions and more space to ask questions. I also enjoyed the homework activities; the training was all very well done.

Natalie

Something has to come that’s positive out of these experiences we had - because they are too gut-wrenching and destructive. Volunteering helps keep the soul alive to move on to help the next person. It’s overwhelming sometimes. Victims and survivors don’t have to be alone during these challenging times.

Pam

The online part afterwards was very fun, too. We had like twelve hours of online training afterwards that we learned a lot of information. VATI was very helpful for us as volunteers.

“ ... I realized I could not do the walk alone so I recruited Natalie to be Co-chair ... and we have been side by side ever since . ”

December 2022

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“ ... There are a lot of ads against drunk driving yet there’s nothing like telling a personal story to drive that impact home. ”

“ ... Volunteering helps keep the soul alive to move on to help the next person. ”

December 2022

Why we do what we do:

Renee Michele Parkinson Natalie Parkinson’s Daughter

I always enjoyed Renee’s giggle and her happiness toward initiating many tasks. She often took on too much willingly, happily and would help others in need. I missed that. Renee was an elementary school music teacher in Pittsburg; which was her heart’s desire. I miss her perfect, musical pitch and how she blossomed through music. Renee was in fourth grade when she was told she couldn’t play the flute due to an embouchure issue; however, I taught her the flute after confirming that Renee wanted to play. Renee later excelled at the flute throughout her high school and college years. I’ve been pleased that she’s accomplished that major goal. Some of my favorite moments with Renee were during the holidays. We would tramp through the woods together to get a Christmas tree; something I wasn’t fond of due to the cold and the snow. Everyone took turns sawing the tree until it was down. Some home activities included, baking. Since drawing wasn’t Renee’s forte, we often laughed about her art while decorating holiday cookies.

“ ... I miss her perfect, musical pitch and how she blossomed through music ... ”

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At the time of the crash, my husband, Roy, and my youngest daughter, Lisa, and I were spending the Fourth of July together. I thought about Renee and asked my husband, “Have you talked to Benee today?” We called her Benee because all the kids couldn’t pronounce the “R” sound when she was small. My husband said, “No,” so I called her around 5:00 while others enjoyed the holiday, and we talked about her plans. Renee shared she was heading to view the fireworks display in Pittsburg and I wished her a fun, safe time before ending our conversation with “Love it!” This was my family’s way of saying, “I love you.” I passed the phone to my husband, who had a small conversation before ending the call with, “Love it!” During that time, my youngest daughter was spending time with her boyfriend. My husband and I watched the fireworks on television around 9 before heading to bed. Little did I know, that after the fireworks, Renee was driving home on the interstate before she was hit by a drunk

driver. I deliberately left his name out of reports because his and my daughter’s name don’t get to share the same space. My husband responded to a phone call that afternoon. Renee’s ex-boyfriend mentioned not being able to find her. My husband told me to get up because he knew something was wrong. We went downstairs and used the internet to locate Pittsburg late news. Shown was a very smashed red car, and Roy looked at it before stating, “That’s her.” I said, “No, it isn’t. How do you know that’s her? It’s a red car.” So, I started calling every local hospital in Pittsburg to check the emergency rooms. There was no record of her admittance. I told my Roy it must be fine and not that she was in a car accident. I didn’t consider the fact that she was already dead and transporting to the morgue. That thought never passed through my mind.

“ ... Renee was in fourth grade when she was told she couldn’t play the flute ... ... Renee later excelled at the flute throughout her highschool and college years ... ”

December 2022

“ ... At first, I didn’t cry nor move, just sat there and asked if they were sure if that was her ... ”

I learned that this individual was speeding excessively and hit her at 101 miles per hour at more than twice the legal alcohol limit while distracted by his phone. His car went under her car, flipped her up into a rock embankment and then she was ejected onto the highway where she died. The driver drove away further down the highway and he ended up near a convenience store; a mile or two from the crash. He jumped out of his car and ran. The convenience store employee saw the red paint from Renee’s car on the driver’s white vehicle before contacting the police. We then received the news and time stopped. We didn’t know what was happening until gaining clarity through the communication between law enforcement. At first, I didn’t cry nor move; just sat there and asked if they were sure if that was her. Renee’s driver’s license was confirmed before mentioning that alcohol was involved with the other driver. My life has changed in every way possible since the crash. I resigned from work and my husband was transferred to Pennsylvania, coincidently about 15-20 miles from Renee’s

past residence. Although I have great fun with my youngest daughter, it’s not the same as when we were all together as a family. I couldn’t listen to music for ten years afterwards. The criminal justice process was tumultuous due to the court continuances and learning the legal system. I never appeared in a court room nor spoke with news press. I was bombarded by constant news from reviewing previous news stories. The offender was arrested after assaulting and wounding two police officers during apprehension. A canine officer located the offender; the offender was irritated because the dog was holding onto his leg. This knowledge infuriated me because of the offender’s complaint during the same time my daughter was on a highway. The offender was sentenced to 7-14 years from felonies and we petitioned every time parole was due. He was later released, able to breathe and live. I could tell he wasn’t remorseful.

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A Virginia MADD volunteer victim advocate contacted me and we found that her son and my daughter shared the same obituary page. Her son passed from long-term results of an alcohol-related crash during his childhood. The volunteer victim advocate resided a few miles away and I became a MADD volunteer that late Summer in 2007. I learned that the value of life wasn’t the same across the nation so I decided to help a little more to make it easier for someone else. I would like to share that no amount of impairment by a substance is ok while driving, because threatening the safety of others lives is not right. One hopeful message I want to share with another victim or survivor is that they will eventually begin to cope. Coping doesn’t mean to forget nor forgive; there is hope to get through one minute at a time before the next.

“ ... it’s not the same as when we were all together as a family,

... I couldn’t listen to music for ten years afterwards ... ”

December 2022

Why we do what we do: David Andrew Cook Pamela Ondash’s Son

O n July 17th, 2011, my husband and I rodeo. We didn’t receive any calls due to the lack of phone service in the area. Suddenly, David’s best friend showed up at a store where we were getting ice cream for the kids. It was a surprise since we were two hours from home. I instantly thought the house burned down because of no other reason for his presence. He told us that David was gone. I said, “What do you mean by David’s gone?” He said, “He was killed by a drunk driver” and were away with our grandchildren to celebrate one of their birthdays at the didn’t want us to hear it on the news and couldn’t call because of the phone service. The grandchildren with us that weekend were David’s children. We drove 2 hours home, looking at the fear in their faces because all they knew was their dad was in an accident. David was riding a motorcycle before being struck by a pickup truck. The pickup truck flipped twice on impact; the driver left the scene of the crash. The police caught the offender later and I learned he laughed throughout the entirety of the arrest while refusing a field sobriety test. Not only was he not remorseful but was driving twice the legal alcohol limit. He was uninsured, driving on a suspended license and obtained the vehicle

illegally. He was imprisoned, denied bail and was sentenced between 2 ½ to 5 years and was denied parole twice. He was required to complete his 5-year prison sentence due to being a threat to society. The offender was later released and I found he wrote on social media that he was a free man; this was on the seventh anniversary of Dave’s death. My grandchildren had to grow up without their father. Holidays and vacations without David have been challenging. My family is there for my grandchildren every step of the way. My sister has been my greatest support throughout my healing journey; she is always beside me. Additionally, we had support from a MADD advocate who supported us through the criminal justice process, which was amazing. I wouldn’t wish this life experience on anyone. One of the reasons I volunteer is to protect my loved ones from substance impaired drivers. Think before you drive. If you’re impaired, don’t drive. If you are a victim or survivor going through something similar, please take your time, understand that setbacks are expected on certain days and to be gentle on yourselves. It’s just a matter of time.

MADDvocate ®

“ ... My Grandchildren had to grow up without their father. ... I wouldn’t wish this life experience on anyone. ”

December 2022

Volunteer

MADDvocate ®

Natalie and Pam are a team brought together due to crimes that never should have happened. Through their connection and service, they honor Renee and David and bring positive change to a world that hasn’t been as kind to them. They are stronger together, we all are. This year, this season-take the time to connect, with MADD and with people who bring you hope, show compassion and share your passion for making a difference. You can learn more about how to volunteer at:

https://madd.org/volunteer/

“ ...We volunteer to hopefully keep impaired drivers off the road . The Victim Impact Panels help keep the message going ... ”

December 2022

Portraits For Healing of a loved one killed or injured in a drunk or drugged driving crash. A minimum donation of $50 goes directly to MADD Victim Services to help provide free supportive services to those affected by these preventable crimes. MADD is grateful to The Portraits for Healing program provides victims with a portrait artist Bill Small of Danville, Calif., a MADD volunteer generously donating his time and talents to provide this healing opportunity.

Dustin Michael Church August 24, 1985 - July 10, 2004

www.madd.org/get-involved/portraits-of-healing

MADDvocate ®

If you have been impacted by a drunk or drugged driving crash, please connect with us on Facebook. MADD Victim Services hosts a private Victim Facebook Group where people who have been impacted by drunk or drugged driving crashes can connect with other victims and survivors Please join our MADD Victim Services Facebook Group by clicking the link below

Get Connected Today

MADD 24 HOUR HELPLINE

WWW.MADD.ORG/GET-HELP 1 • • • • • 877 MADD HELP(877 6233435)

December 2022

MADD National Office 511 E. John Carpenter Freeway Suite 700 Irving, TX 75062 877 • ASK • MADD (877 • 275 • 6233) madd.org

MADDvocate ®

December 2022

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