I was so lucky as a mother. I had these boys who had each other as best friends. I had my husband who took them in at the age of 4 and 8 and raised them as his own. We had a close relationship with our family, and we spent a lot of time together. I had teenage boys who enjoyed going to Grandmama’s house for, “movie night” on the weekends. Teens who enjoyed hanging out with the family swimming in the pool and barbequing. I was blessed to be their mother. I was living in heaven, until I wasn’t. Until that door was closed on me and I was standing on the outside looking in. All that was before me was an empty pool, an empty room, an empty house.
For a long time, I couldn’t breathe. If I did, it wasn’t because I wanted to. As time went on, breathing became easier. Some days are still harder than others. I read the books, provided by our MADD advocates, on the stages of grief. I’ve been through them all, several times over. What they don’t tell you, is all the physical and mental impact this kind of trauma inflicts on the survivors. I had never had to deal with mental issues prior to the death of my sons. I have since been diagnosed with depression, Post Traumatic Disorder, and anxiety from a crash that could have been prevented and changed our lives forever.
“ ... I was living in heaven, until I wasn’t ... All that was before me was an empty pool, an empty room, an empty house ... ”
MADDvocate ®
14
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