deaf and hard of hearing
From Isolation to Inclusion: An Educator’s Journey in Raising an Adopted Special Needs Child
1. It hurts. Every time we re-tell the stories with enough detail so that those outside of our inner circle understand the intensity, frequency, and duration of episodes, tirades, and crises, we re-live the heartbreak and the stress that it has caused not only Patrick, but every member of our family. It hurts because it shines a light on all of the holes and unsolved problems that leave schools and other social programs seeming to throw up their hands, throw in the towel, and accept a status quo that there is nothing more that we can think of to improve the situation. Is there really nothing that can be done?!? Does anybody care? I believe people are good. We live in a world filled with good people willing to help when they know that great harm is going unnoticed and unaddressed. Lots of people would help if they knew, so why don’t I tell the stories and help people understand? Why don’t other parents like me tell our stories? 2. We are protecting our children. We want to protect our children. It is not Patrick’s fault. The brains of children who are not immersed in a language- rich environment from birth develop differently. There are pervasive problems among this population that are directly related to deficiencies in executive function. In order to tell the stories that would help people understand the severity of this problem, I have to put the greater good (all Deaf and hard of hearing infants and children who are not immersed in a suffi- ciently language rich environment to acquire language easily and naturally.
My five-year-old adopted Deaf son came into our family in December of 2005 knowing only 30 words. Thirty. According to Mayo Clinic, most two to three year olds can produce at least 200 and as many as 2,000 words. In contrast, the school’s language goal for my son, Patrick, was to to produce two-word sentences by the end of the school year (six months later). I live in an urban area of Southern California. There are plenty of services for Deaf and hard of hearing children from infancy through high school. It was alarming to find that his school found it not only acceptable, but goal-worthy, that a child with no cognitive disabilities could only reach this level of language proficiency. However, more than 75% of Deaf and hard of hearing children enter school with severe language delays. This is not unusual. At the time Patrick completed high school, my ex and I were both college professors with graduate and doctoral degrees in education and certified sign language interpreters. Yet, the normalization of unacceptably low academic goals is so common–we didn’t even learn that the majority of Deaf students attending the largest school district in San Diego received certificates of completion because they fail to achieve the academic standards required for a diploma until we partici- pated in his final IEP during his senior year. I can tell you from personal experience about the effects of not being able to acquire a language easily and naturally within the first five years of a child’s life. I have stories worthy of reality TV. There are at least two primary reasons that parents of kids with extreme behaviors and unhealthy decision cycles don’t want to tell our stories.
February / March, 2026 | https://www.closingthegap.com/benefits-of-membership/ 27 Closing The Gap © 2026 Closing The Gap, Inc. All rights reserved. DR. MELISSA SMITH , ED. D is a professor emeritus and former director of the ASL-English interpreting program at Palomar College (1997–2021), holds a doctorate and master’s in Teaching and Learning from UC San Diego. Her research on interpreters in public schools was published by Gallaudet University Press. With a background in education, language acquisition, and interpreting, she brings a multidimensional perspective to her work. As a parent of a Deaf young adult and former foster parent to Deaf children, her passion for sign language education is deeply personal, driving her commitment to building meaningful connections and accessibility.
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