From Isolation to Inclusion: An Educator’s Journey in Raisi…

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From Isolation to Inclusion: An Educator’s Journey in Raising an Adopted Special Needs Child

1. It hurts. Every time we re-tell the stories with enough detail so that those outside of our inner circle understand the intensity, frequency, and duration of episodes, tirades, and crises, we re-live the heartbreak and the stress that it has caused not only Patrick, but every member of our family. It hurts because it shines a light on all of the holes and unsolved problems that leave schools and other social programs seeming to throw up their hands, throw in the towel, and accept a status quo that there is nothing more that we can think of to improve the situation. Is there really nothing that can be done?!? Does anybody care? I believe people are good. We live in a world filled with good people willing to help when they know that great harm is going unnoticed and unaddressed. Lots of people would help if they knew, so why don’t I tell the stories and help people understand? Why don’t other parents like me tell our stories? 2. We are protecting our children. We want to protect our children. It is not Patrick’s fault. The brains of children who are not immersed in a language- rich environment from birth develop differently. There are pervasive problems among this population that are directly related to deficiencies in executive function. In order to tell the stories that would help people understand the severity of this problem, I have to put the greater good (all Deaf and hard of hearing infants and children who are not immersed in a suffi- ciently language rich environment to acquire language easily and naturally.

My five-year-old adopted Deaf son came into our family in December of 2005 knowing only 30 words. Thirty. According to Mayo Clinic, most two to three year olds can produce at least 200 and as many as 2,000 words. In contrast, the school’s language goal for my son, Patrick, was to to produce two-word sentences by the end of the school year (six months later). I live in an urban area of Southern California. There are plenty of services for Deaf and hard of hearing children from infancy through high school. It was alarming to find that his school found it not only acceptable, but goal-worthy, that a child with no cognitive disabilities could only reach this level of language proficiency. However, more than 75% of Deaf and hard of hearing children enter school with severe language delays. This is not unusual. At the time Patrick completed high school, my ex and I were both college professors with graduate and doctoral degrees in education and certified sign language interpreters. Yet, the normalization of unacceptably low academic goals is so common–we didn’t even learn that the majority of Deaf students attending the largest school district in San Diego received certificates of completion because they fail to achieve the academic standards required for a diploma until we partici- pated in his final IEP during his senior year. I can tell you from personal experience about the effects of not being able to acquire a language easily and naturally within the first five years of a child’s life. I have stories worthy of reality TV. There are at least two primary reasons that parents of kids with extreme behaviors and unhealthy decision cycles don’t want to tell our stories.

February / March, 2026 | https://www.closingthegap.com/benefits-of-membership/ 27 Closing The Gap © 2026 Closing The Gap, Inc. All rights reserved. DR. MELISSA SMITH , ED. D is a professor emeritus and former director of the ASL-English interpreting program at Palomar College (1997–2021), holds a doctorate and master’s in Teaching and Learning from UC San Diego. Her research on interpreters in public schools was published by Gallaudet University Press. With a background in education, language acquisition, and interpreting, she brings a multidimensional perspective to her work. As a parent of a Deaf young adult and former foster parent to Deaf children, her passion for sign language education is deeply personal, driving her commitment to building meaningful connections and accessibility.

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In other words, we have to talk about one horrific situation after another, with our beloved children in the starring role. We end up being in an awful position of trying to explain why our kid’s behaviors are worse than someone else’s kid. They are unfathomably worse. Yes, the authorities have been involved. Multiple times. Yes, the school has said they can’t serve him. Yes, they have been a danger to themselves and to others. Yes, yes, and yes. I loathe being in a situation where I have to share the horrors with people outside of my inner circle. It wasn’t long after Patrick moved in with us that I learned you just don’t talk about the crises, behaviors, and destruction. You keep well-intended people at a distance if you don’t want to get into long discus- sions about why these behaviors can’t be brushed aside with the typical statements. They are “just boys,”“he’ll grow out of it.” Or, it’s “nothing that a good spanking can’t fix,” and “my son was exactly the same until I realized a little caffeine really helped.” One time I was on a plane and I sat next to a woman a little older than me. I recognized her reticence to talk about her young adult child. I knew she had lived it. It’s easier just not to talk about it. I asked outright if their family had struggled with behavioral challenges. Then she finally opened up. A little. After all, we were strangers. Sometimes, the kindness of a quiet stranger who has been there makes the world a little less lonely. A local Deaf family offered to babysit Patrick in his early years. I never took them up on it, and I could never tell them why. I couldn’t tell them that he might steal things, that he destroys things, that he might get angry enough to strike out at someone. I didn’t want to tell them so as he lived and formed relationships with people in the Deaf community, their relationship with him wouldn’t be compromised by my warn- ings. At the same time, I couldn’t send him to someone’s house without making sure they knew the level of care required. So we just said thank you for the offer. Who wants to tell the bad stuff about the inner workings of a family? Who wants to paint their child in a negative light? We don’t. So we avoid telling the stories that you need to know. Patrick experienced neglect in his early years. He suffered trauma. I remember thinking to myself, I would fight to protect him from those who harmed him–who were not able to care appropriately for him. Then it hit me. I believe on some level, Patrick needed me to be willing to be the bad guy. Instead of being some intangible unknown awful trauma, if I could shoulder some of his anger, his disappointment, his heart- break–in whatever form it took–and still make sure we were all safe, maybe he would have the anchor he needs to be able to work through the emotional trauma that will undoubtedly surface throughout his life. As much as I need people to understand and I want with all my heart to shed light on the prevalence and devastation of the problem, I cannot in good conscience tell the stories of our

family in full detail. It would be a great book or film, and even though Patrick gives me permission to talk about some things, I cannot shine a light on the atrocities. I want you to know the good parts of him. The loving and funny, creative, resilient, persistent, optimistic, warm hearted person that I love with all my heart. I wish I could have protected him. I wish I could have made his childhood, his school experiences, and even now–his struggle to land–as easy as he deserved. I love my children. They are such a joy in my life. I have been blessed with two adopted sons. My family is strong, and loving, and exceptional. Our extended family on both sides have been such a gift to us. We use humor and tell jokes with our inner circle–the chosen family members and friends that love us as a family and as individuals. I won’t tell you the horror stories–first you must know the members of my family enough to love them. 3. Self-preservation. I am afraid. I am embarrassed. After all, if you knew how I responded when I wasn’t at my best, or when I should have been more calm, patient, in control, strategic, loving, discerning, sensitive, compassionate, etc., I will fall short as a parent. I will open myself up to criticism and judgment. I will see my own shortcomings reflected in your eyes. You will share opinions that echo my own doubts and fears that I should have done something differently, better, and been a better parent. I can’t tell you my stories for fear that you will see and possibly call out my faults. Although most people are kind and see that I am simply human, and parenting any child is hard–on a day when I need to be strong and centered, I cannot risk opening myself up to the few whose words and opinions will cut too deep. Those three reasons–it hurts, we are protecting our children, and self-preservation. I feel raw after writing about those truths. I hope that is enough for you to care and to want to do what- ever you can to help. Now that I have poured out my heart on the previous pages, as a researcher and former professor, I would like to provide some of the research regarding the problems that stem from lack of immersion into language-rich environments that make language acquisition easy and natural for Deaf and hard of hearing children. Schools and programs supporting this population find themselves faced with significant challenges in social, emotional, educational, transitional, and vocational arenas. THE ILLUSION OF INCLUSION All children need to be surrounded by a community of people so they are exposed to language in a variety of contexts. The frequency and duration of exposure to communication in context allows them to acquire language easily and naturally.

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The vast majority of Deaf and hard of hearing children are born to parents who communicate through spoken communication. As such, these parents are usually not at all prepared to provide this type of rich language environment in a way that is easily accessible to their children. Mainstream education for Deaf and hard of hearing students is most often not inclusive. Being able to understand interac- tions in one’s environment is a critical part of language develop- ment. Books have been written about the impact of being the only Deaf or hard of hearing student in a school (Oliva & Lytle). Even schools with several Deaf and hard of hearing students who sign, or several hard of hearing students who use cochlear implants and don’t sign, are separated from each other and from the rest of their peers because their communication and educational needs are so different. Although sign language interpreters are frequently provided and meet accessibility standards, there are several systemic flaws with this as a single means to inclusion.

tion and peer interaction are most likely to be effective. As one of the foremost experts on educational inter- preting and an award-winning interpreter educator, I am keenly aware of the tremendous gap between the skills achieved by graduates of interpreting programs and readiness to work. My doctoral research revealed the complexities of the work and decisions of K-12 inter- preters, making discrepancies between interpreting education and the skills that are needed seem impos- sible given that most programs are not long enough for graduates to become highly proficient in their weakest language (usually sign language). THE COST OF THE STATUS QUO The result of mainstream practices for many Deaf and hard of hearing children and youth is isolation, not inclusion. Certainly inclusion is not possible without a critical mass of peers and adults with whom these children and youth can communicate freely and easily. For over a hundred years, the field of Deaf education has wrestled with this most urgent and persistent challenge: the communication gap that separates many Deaf and hard of hearing (D/HH) children from the language-rich environ- ments they need to thrive. Despite advances in early identifi- cation and intervention, the majority of these children spend the most critical years for language acquisition (0-3) without immediate access to a natural, accessible language. The conse- quences—cognitive delays, academic difficulties, social isola- tion, and family stress—are well documented and deeply concerning. The fiscal expense of these consequences include ongoing academic, behavioral and socio-emotional interven- tions. Furthermore, Deaf and hard of hearing students often experience tremendous disparities in academic achievement in higher education, health care, and employment that lead to a reduction of quality of life. After high school, additional chal- lenges arise as Deaf and hard of hearing youth transition to the adult world and struggle to contribute meaningfully to society as productive citizens. They rely on government-subsidized programs that step in to alleviate the inequities that result from barriers to gainful employment and access to higher education. This does not solve the problem. There has to be a way to do better. After all, many Deaf children become highly successful and highly bilingual in English and in American Sign Language. What will it take to ensure that Deaf and hard of hearing children have a fair shot at reaching their fullest potential? The problem is multi-faceted, and it is important to note we are making great strides in some areas (LEAD-K). As AI exponentially increases opportunities and access to information, we are facing another great divide that, like the

Problems include:

1. Lack of access to incidental learning and to interactions with peers. Research indicates that Deaf and hard of hearing students are exposed to 30% of the incidental learning that is consumed by their peers (Hopper, 2025).

2. Access to communication during non-instructional activities.

Interpreters are rarely available during times when students are engaged in non-academic activities–such as before the morning bell rings and after school, during recess, and during lunch. These are not only times of ongoing interactions, they are the times during which relationships develop and memories are created. In my son’s IEP, we asked that interpreters working with my son start the school day at the bus drop-off, where teachers met students as they arrived and escorted them to the classroom when the bell indicated the first passing period. When I conducted my doctoral research, I observed that the mainstreamed Deaf and hard of hearing students who signed congregated at the same table during lunch. Even those who could speak and lipread seemed more comfortable with each other instead of working so hard to communicate with non-signing peers. 3. Lack of clear findings as to the degree to which and the conditions under which interpreter-mediated instruc-

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invention of the telephone, is likely to put Deaf and hard of hearing people at a significant disadvantage. It’s time to be proactive, not wait to see what happens and lose out on a significant window of opportunity. I hypothesize that a three-pronged approach could signifi- cantly improve the current unsatisfactory state of Deaf educa- tion: 1. Make it easy, convenient, and affordable to acquire and learn sign language as a first language. Communication and language development for Deaf and hard of hearing children through early immersion in language-rich environments that allow them to easily and naturally acquire language. As early as possible, Deaf and hard of hearing children need abundant language learning opportunities and be able to actively and fully participate in interactions with a community of peers and adults. In spite of the popularity of language learning apps, the few apps that focus on teaching and learning sign language exclude the very people who need language the most–Deaf and hard of hearing infants, toddlers, and young children. Sign language apps that depend on English translations are designed with hearing second language learners in mind–not chil- dren like my son Patrick who knew only 30 signs and no English words at the age of 5. 2. Make it easy, convenient, and affordable for profes- sionals, aspiring professionals, and role models inter- acting within or in service of the Deaf community to access high quality pre- and in-service training and skill development. Because 75% of Deaf and hard of hearing youth have significant language delays before they reach school, professional education, training, and qualification stan- dards must prepare candidates to meet the needs of that population as a baseline reality. Professionals and para-professionals working within or in service of the Deaf community need enhanced, expertly designed, affordable education and training (pre-service and in-service). Currently, minimum standards for inter- preters are designed to meet the much less common reality of working with students who are performing at grade level with astandard curriculum. Once they get a job in a school through minimum qualifications, these are the interpreters who are working with children with the most significant educational, socio-emotional, and behavioral support needs. How do we get relevant, affordable, convenient skill development opportunities

to those who are working with Deaf and hard of hearing kids every day?

Not only is pre-service and in-service training and skill development crucial for novice interpreters, there is a need for skill building at the post-baccalaureate level. Professionals who serve the Deaf community need specialized training and advanced language expertise to provide service in medical, emergency, legal, mental health, technical, advanced academia, and other high- skill contexts. Specialized training is also crucial for professionals serving DeafBlind consumers or persons with additional disabilities such as autism, cognitive impairments, and/or physical disabilities such as cere- bral palsy that create additional challenges and require a different set of skills to ensure effective communication. Access to high quality pre- and in-service training and skill development is critical not only for aspiring profes- sionals. Deaf and hard of hearing adolescents and young adults who have had limited opportunities to master more advanced sign language proficiencies, such as interpersonal and public communication skills that open doors to greater opportunities in education and employ- ment. Arguably, these skills open doors to more effec- tive communication at home, at school, at work, and in community settings and would stand to impact quality of life. 3. Harness the collective expertise, leverage technology, and create a pathway for a more efficient use of avail- able resources (e.g., curriculum development experts, diverse Deaf language experts, funds, etc.). By harnessing the collective expertise and ensuring that delivery of high quality training is available as widely as possible and without an expiration date, funds will have a greater and more lasting impact. Development, design, and delivery of programs and funding distrib- utes valuable resources to a singular program, region or sub-population. When funding cycles end, the resources created often sit unmaintained and largely unused on an inactive website. Duplication of efforts from one program to the next, such as Deaf mentorship programs, and learning modules to train the Deaf mentors, lend to a system of re-creating the wheel from one state to another. Instead of being able to provide deeper and richer skill development opportunities, each program works on the first year or two of training and very few funds and other resources are left for advanced content.

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THE OPPORTUNITY AT HAND This article, From Isolation to Inclusion: An Educator’s Journey in Raising an Adopted Special Needs Child invites educators, families, and practitioners to imagine a different reality. What if sign language were integrated as a universal design for whole school communication? Sign language has proven to be an incredibly effective tool for hearing children with varying communication needs. Language access is a fundamental right. Not only can sign language be a critical lifeline for Deaf and hard of hearing chil- dren and youth, it can open doors for disabled and non disabled students in mainstream school environments. Research shows that bilingualism in general has cognitive and linguistic benefits for children. The use of sign language benefits not only children who are Deaf or hard of hearing. As the popularity of signing with infants continues to climb, studies show that early exposure to sign language leads to increased emotional regulation, strengthens cognitive processing, and enhances communica- tion for preverbal children. When classrooms embrace signing as a shared language, Deaf and hard of hearing students experience a greater sense of belonging, and their hearing non-disabled peers gain valuable communication skills. In mainstream schools — where 95% of Deaf and hard of hearing students learn alongside hearing peers—basic ASL skills among teachers and classmates could make mainstream schools truly inclusive. Deaf and hard of hearing students could chat with their peers before, between, and after school. They could communicate more easily with others during extra curricular activities. They would be able to communicate with peers without having to bring an adult inter- preter into the conversation. There are several additional ways in which sign language could be the great equalizer for many types of students. Sign language could be a way for students who struggle with speech delays or have other communication challenges due to various disabilities to communicate more freely with their peers and school personnel. Immigrant students who come to a school not knowing the norms and language of the dominant majority could find common ground without fear of being ostracized because of their accent. Imagine the possibilities if students and staff who depend on or would benefit from sign language for communication could have access to a community of peers and adults with whom they could interact easily and directly? What if we could …?

WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY PARENTS My mom taught me and showed me by example my whole life that if you can do something to make someone else’s life a little better, you do it. Sometimes you might even have to give up something in order to make a difference for someone else, but in the long run, if you are able to do so, it’s worth it on many levels. Here are a few things about me that put me in a position to do something to make a difference: 1. I have taught American Sign Language for 35 years. I was the director of the American Sign Language-English Trans- lation and Interpreting Studies program at Palomar College for 23 years. Because I got my first, second, and third inter- preting contract positions in colleges and universities, I was able to retire early in 2021 and do something different with my time, financial resources, and effort. 2. I have graduate and doctoral degrees in teaching and learning. I have expertise in curriculum development, first and second language acquisition, and educational interpreting. My research on the work and decisions of K-12 interpreting has been published in full by Gallaudet University Press and a chapter published by Routledge. I also had the honor of writing a chapter on the complexity of competing demands for visual attention in interpreted classrooms in a book on ethical considerations in education of Deaf or hard of hearing students (Christensen, 2011). 3. I have personal experience on the consequences for Deaf and hard of hearing children who are not immersed in a language rich environment during their formative years. I experienced and observed the consequences of that reality first hand. 4. I have strong ties to and relationships with Deaf friends, colleagues, mentors, family members, and professionals who support me and my efforts. I recognize that I am an ally, but I will never know what it is to be Deaf. I am grateful to the Deaf community for my academic degrees, profes- sional opportunities and achievements, and even my family. I will work as hard as I can to use my position, exper- tise, and efforts to make a difference. ASL FLURRY: A TECH AND MEDIA PLATFORM CREATING HIGH QUALITY SIGN LANGUAGE VIDEO FOR EDUCATIONAL AND TECHNICAL NEEDS During three decades of teaching, presenting, and publishing, I kept asking myself the same question… When would Duolingo, Babbel, Rosetta Stone, Pimsleur respond to the growing demand for learning sign language? American Sign Language is the third most commonly studied language in the US and Canada.

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BUT WHAT ABOUT PATRICK?!? I recognized the need for advanced content, but I knew that the biggest market segment for language apps is beginning to intermediate users. I determined that if I were going to invest time, money, and energy to develop an application for teaching sign language from beginning to advanced levels, I would make sure that it was designed in a way that could have been of benefit to my son during the first five years of his life. If you are intrigued about what we have designed, where we are in development, and/or how you can help, please scan this QR code to learn more.

I learned that the founder of Duolingo was a teacher who recognized inequity. He realized that having skills in English opened doors to better job opportunities. He decided the app should be Freemium so that those who needed these language skills to be competitive in the job market could gain the language skills they needed–whether or not they could afford to pay a monthly or annual subscription.

There are some cool sign language apps on the market!

Something bothered me, though. None of the apps that I saw provided opportunities for sign language skill development at the level that my advanced interpreting students needed. My students worked so hard to find opportunities to grow. Several graduates moved across the United States (from San Diego to Washington, DC, or Rochester, New York, or Minneapolis, Minn.) in an effort to master more complex language skills. Many did not have the freedom to uproot and move to seek opportuni- ties for advanced language and skill development. None of the online or digital platforms for teaching and learning sign language provide much more than the basic conversational level skills that one can gain in the first year or two of language study. After all, I earned a Bachelor’s in Spanish, but with four years of language study, I was nowhere close to ready to get a job interpreting for Spanish speakers in educa- tional contexts. I wondered how advanced interpreting students could learn more sophisticated and nuanced language skills. If programs aren’t long enough, and online tools stop after ASL 4 or so, where do advanced learners find resources to support deeper learning? I began to think about creating a graduate level interpreting curriculum that leveraged technology to ensure that a platform would have enough flexibility to achieve several goals. The platform would need to (a) be highly interactive and engaging, perhaps even gamified and responsive, (b) be able to provide advanced and highly specialized learning opportunities, and (c) be agile enough to deliver content in bite-sized pieces and available to support people who were already working with Deaf and hard of hearing students on a daily basis. I wanted to get helpful information out as soon as possible. I wanted to be able to respond quickly to a rapidly changing post-pandemic world. I decided that an app would be an essen- tial component to delivering high quality content in a way that was engaging and highly interactive. As I began to research what it would take to design an app that could provide engaging, fun, gamified learning for the students I had worked with (ASL 1-4, Interpreting 1-4, interns, graduates trying without success to meet entry level qualifica- tion standards for employment), I recognized that this would need my full time attention.

A PATHWAY TOWARD INCLUSIVE EXCELLENCE Accessible language is the cornerstone of academic achieve- ment, social development, and emotional well-being. When families and educators share the tools to provide consistent language exposure, children gain the foundation they need to thrive. Technology has now advanced to the point where this level of access is not only possible—it is scalable, immediate, and profoundly effective. As school districts navigate budget constraints and make decisions for low-incidence populations, universal ASL access offers a unique opportunity: a tool that benefits everyone. For Deaf and hard of hearing students, it is essential. For hearing students and educators, it builds empathy, connection, and communication skills. For families, it opens the door to a thriving linguistic and cultural community. The future of inclusive education hinges on solutions that are both innovative andhuman-centered. ASL Flurry stands at this intersection, offering a pathway from isolation to true inclu- sion—one sign, one family, and one classroom at a time. An app like ASL Flurry could have made a difference for Patrick. In the six months before he moved in with us, he lived with a super foster mom, her 18 year old biological daughter and son, two adopted teenagers, and Patrick. They all wanted to learn sign language and were excitedthat Patrick (the child who knew 30 signs) was teaching them.

From my perspective, an app like ASL Flurry is decades too late for my son. But it’s not too late for kids like Patrick.

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If you would like to spend $29.95 for an annual subscription so ASL Flurry can continue to provide the app free to Deaf chil- dren, their peers, and their families, please download the ASL Flurry app (iOS or Android) and upgrade to Premium. If you need sign language related content to train personnel, or to ensure you are meeting accessibility obligations for Deaf customers, employees, or clients, hiring ASL Flurry ensures that the content will be shared beyond your program, institution, region, or state. If you need accurate sign language translations and video production capability as you engage in the development of assistive technology or signing avatars, choosing to contract with ASL Flurry ensures that you are partnering with a company that is well-connected to and committed to access and equity for Deaf and hard of hearing people. ASL Flurry, Inc. A start up pre-seed company looking for support from investors, philanthropists, accelerators, and entre- preneurs. If you have expertise to offer, we would love your support!

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