The first issue of Candlelight Magazine is a thoughtful companion for those experiencing loss. Inside, you’ll find personal stories, practical guidance on navigating grief, and meaningful ways to honor loved ones. With a focus on comfort and connection, this issue offers a gentle space to reflect, remember, and heal.
Volume № 1
Winter 2025
CANDLELIGHT M A G A Z I N E
REFLECTING ON LIFE, HONORING LOVE, AND FINDING PEACE IN LOSS
WITH WORK BY:
DIRECTOR: LAURA JAYE CRAMER MANAGING EDITOR: NOAH SANDERS CHRIS ABATZIS MATHEW ADDINGTON ABUL KALAM AZAD EVA BRONZINI ELIZABETH CAMPBELL
COREY DEMBECK FURKAN DEMIRR DOMINIKA GREGUŠOVÁ FANETTE GUILLOUD AIGARS JANSONS MAREK KUPIEC SUKI LEE JELLY LUISE
AYALA MARTIN MASON MCCALL KYM MOTLEY
MATTHEW KOMATSU ARINA KRASNIKOVA SARAH MONK DANIK PRIHODKO IVAN SAMKOV WILLFRIED WENDE BURIED IN WORK
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Cover image by Dominika Gregušová
IN THIS ISSUE
pg. 4
pg. 44
pg. 39
Redefining Loss, Love, and the Art of a “Good Death” - pg. 4 Death Doula Katie Cosgrove helps navigate end-of-life care with purpose The Wind Phone - pg. 10 Itaru Sasaki’s art installation connects the living with those who have passed Carrying Their Light - pg. 18 Stories of objects that carry deep, unexpected meaning Meet the Man Having the Not-So-Easy Conversations - pg. 22 David Ferrugio’s podcast is changing the conversation around loss
Finding Renewal in Nature-Based Memorials - pg. 28 Exploring the growing trend of nature-based memorials Books That Illuminate the Path Through Loss - pg. 36 Books that help navigate loss and healing Inky, My Dad & Me - pg. 38 A memoir excerpt The Letter-Writing Project - pg. 40 Lee Mingwei’s art installation offers moments of stillness amid life’s chaos A Therapist’s Thoughts on Finding Closure and Healing - pg. 44 Advice for navigating life’s ups and downs
What To Do After Someone Dies - pg. 26 A practical checklist for the transition
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REDEFINGING AND THE “GOOD
WORDS Candelight Magazine Staff IMAGES Jelly Luise
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LOSS, LOVE ART OF A DEATH”
DEATH HAS A WAY OF SILENCING CONVERSATIONS.
It sits in the corners of our lives, whispered about but rarely invited into the light. For Katie Cosgrove, founder of the doula practice Grief is Good , this silence is something to challenge, not accept. As a trauma-informed care specialist, Death Doula, and grief coach, Cosgrove’s mission is to help people navigate the uncharted waters of loss with intention, grace, and even beauty. Through her work, she creates space for what so many fear: open conversations about grief, death, and the tender moments that surround both. Cosgrove’s practice, Grief is Good , offers a range of services to support individuals and families. She works as a grief coach, helping people embrace their grief as a natural and meaningful part of life, guiding them toward creating new memories with loved ones who have passed. In this conversation, Cosgrove opens up about what it means to create a “good death,” the importance of healthy grieving, and how she helps others find light in their darkest moments.
Candlelight Magazine: What is a Death Doula and how do they support individuals and families?
Katie Cosgrove: A Death Doula—it's also called, sometimes, an End of Life Doula—really is tailored to a family or a dying person's emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental needs. Every case looks a little bit different, and every doula looks a little bit different. But across the board, doulas are serving the purpose of helping a healthy transition.
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Doulas can be hired by the person who is dying themselves, or by the family. Sometimes we never actually even meet the person who’s in transition. Sometimes we're just there supporting the family.
Overall, they're just providing a healthier space to have a good death and transition in a positive way.
CM: The idea of a “good” death is so unique and probably foreign to a lot of people. What, to you, is a "good” death? KC: For me, that means that somebody is able to peacefully transition in a way that they have no regrets. Whether that means denying treatment or living out as many treatments as they possibly can and following all the steps. Each individual has different goals. And also in the emotional and spiritual realm; are they fulfilled? Have they said all the things to all of their people? Do they have any apologies to make? Or do they want any apologies? Making sure that they just feel lighter when they're ready to go, and that they're in a space where they feel at peace. For some people, that’s a hospital; for others, it’s their bed, or maybe an Airbnb on the coast of California.
Whatever it looks like to that person.
CM: While you are managing emotions, do you also find space to deal with logistical challenges during the dying process? KC: Personally, as a Death Doula, I help with logistical planning. Is their will all set? Who is their healthcare proxy? Who’s their power of attorney? I make sure that all of those logistical pieces are there. Most End of Life Doulas do that as well. Doulas I encounter are helping answer those questions and making sure things are in order for
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the families.
CM: How do you address family conflicts or differing views around death and dying when you come into someone’s family space?
KC: That is probably the hardest part about being an End of Life Doula: managing family conflict around death and dying. It’s so sensitive, and it brings up a lot of fear in people.
When we’re put into a corner, it’s fight-or-flight mode. People tend to get really reactive around someone dying. I talk to people individually about what’s really going on—what are they scared of? Expressing the fact that this is fear-based, whether it’s fear of losing somebody, fear of themselves dying, fear of what comes next, or fear of not spending this time together properly. A lot of family conflict can be reduced by having those individual conversations with an outside source. I come back into the mix and say, “Okay, I’m not going to tell anyone what the others said, but I can feel the tension here. Let’s all take a deep breath and go around the room. Let’s share something we’re grateful for, or maybe a favorite memory with this person while they’re still here.” What often happens is the person who is dying picks up on these emotions. That, to me, is not a “good” death, because they leave this world wondering what their family will be like when they pass. Even if the family tries to hide the conflict, people can pick up on things. The trickiest part is when families disagree about what should happen—whether it’s the dying person’s wishes or decisions by the healthcare providers. That’s probably the most challenging scenario.
But really, as a doula, you have to meet people where they are, not where you want them to be.
You have to say, “What are your three basic goals? Can we agree on a compromise?” Sometimes there’s not much you can fix, but sometimes you can reduce reactivity and come up with an actionable plan. And then, in terms of processing something traumatic in the moment, my biggest piece of advice is to give yourself grace. That’s the most important thing. You’re always going to feel like you’re not doing things right, or that you’re not feeling enough, or that you’re feeling too much. Everyone experiences grief differently—even from loss to loss. Every loss I’ve ever had has been a different type of grief for me. So just knowing that grief is unique to everyone, and that you’re not on a timeline or checklist, can be really helpful.
CM: I wonder if you ever see moments of beauty or connection during challenging times like this?
KC: There are going to be miraculous moments that you can’t explain—moments of pure love. 7
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“EVERYONE EXPERIENCES GRIEF DIFFERENTLY—EVEN FROM LOSS TO LOSS. MY BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE IS TO GIVE YOURSELF GRACE.”
For example, I had a situation where the person dying wasn’t doing well and didn’t have a good relationship with the person who was actually my client.
I tried and tried, but nothing worked. They were just bickering, and it was a really toxic situation. Then one day, the person dying just reached over and they grabbed the hand of my client. They just held hands. They just held hands, and they both cried.
Just allowing myself to be present but not try to control things is really important as a doula. Those little moments and signs of love and beauty happen all the time.
CM: Death is so difficult and complicated, but sometimes there can be moments you do want to carry with you.
KC: Yeah, I think [a lot about] this idea of legacy living.
Take one loss, one relationship, and find something very small to pull out of that and carry into your daily life. For example, my grandmother used to call every child and animal “bum.” It’s really small, but I’ve adopted it. Every single time I look at my dog, I say, “Hi, bum!” She just walks by, and she doesn’t know the difference, but I feel my grandmother is present for me. Even with my dog, who’s passed away, there’s stuff I do for her every day that makes me think about her. It doesn’t need to be anything grand like a life change, a career, or a huge gesture. You can volunteer once a year in honor of them, watch their favorite movie, or listen to their favorite song.
Those moments will still be hard sometimes, but they’ll also bring you so much connection to that person.
That’s where my work really lives—helping people build those connections with people they’ve lost and keep that love alive. Storytelling, dreams, and legacy living can be really good tools for that. It helps us keep that space in our heart full. People tend to think of death as very finite—that the relationship is over, that everything is over, or that part of your identity is gone.
But the more we keep that alive in our life, the more we can feel their presence around us—no matter what we believe.
I’ve found that people really start to heal when they notice those little things and acknowledge them.●
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THE WIND PHONE A CALL TO THE DEPARTED
by Laura Jaye Cramer
On a quiet hill
overlooking the coastal town of Ōtsuchi, Japan, a modest white telephone booth stands as a sanctuary for the grieving. Inside, a black rotary phone rests on a simple metal shelf, its line disconnected. Though silent to the ear, this unassuming booth has carried the weight of over 30,000 whispered conversations, connecting hearts to loved ones lost.
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The original Wind Phone by Itaru Sasaki, photo by Matthew Komatsu
The Wind Telephone began as a deeply personal project. In 2010, garden designer Itaru Sasaki was grieving the death of his cousin, a loss that left him searching for a way to feel connected despite the finality of death. In the privacy of his garden, he installed an old telephone booth, a space where he could speak his unspoken thoughts
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“BECAUSE MY THOUGHTS COULDN’T BE RELAYED OVER A REGULAR
PHONE LINE, I WANTED THEM TO BE CARRIED ON THE WIND. ”
Photo by Abul Kalam Azad
and emotions aloud. “Because my thoughts couldn’t be relayed over a regular phone line,” Sasaki explained, “I wanted them to be carried on the wind.” Without religious or ceremonial ties, the Wind Telephone became a quiet testament to the power of expression in processing grief. Just one year later, tragedy struck the region. The 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami devastated the northeastern coast of Japan, claiming more than 15,000 lives. Sasaki’s hometown of Ōtsuchi suffered immeasurable loss, with over 1,200 lives taken—a tenth of its population. Recognizing the collective grief around him, Sasaki opened the Wind Telephone to the public, offering a refuge where survivors could
release their sorrow and speak to the loved ones they had lost.
Since then, the Wind Telephone has become a pilgrimage site for those seeking solace. Its visitors arrive with heavy hearts, stepping into the booth to share their words, their silence, or their tears. Many leave messages in a notebook placed beside the phone, creating a quiet archive of human love and loss. Some visit once, while others return again and again, finding comfort in the ritual of speaking into the void.
The booth itself has endured the passage of time and the elements, its resilience mirroring the human
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spirit it supports.
In 2017, a storm ripped the roof off and shattered its glass doors, but volunteers—many of whom had used the booth themselves—quickly repaired it. In 2018, donations from the community allowed Sasaki to replace the original wooden structure with a sturdier aluminum version, ensuring its legacy would endure. The Wind Telephone’s profound simplicity has inspired replicas around the world. In Oakland, California, artist Jordan Stern constructed a similar booth in 2017 to honor the 36 lives lost in the Ghost Ship warehouse fire, including that of a close friend. In Dublin, Ireland, an anonymous art collective placed a wind phone on a mountaintop, creating a beacon for the grieving until it was tragically destroyed. Other versions have appeared across the globe (and other parts of Japan), each adapted to the cultural and emotional needs of its community. At its heart, the Wind Telephone is more than an art installation—it is a space where love and grief intertwine, where absence is met with memory, and where silence is filled with meaning. It offers no solutions, only a chance to voice the unspoken, to lean into the ache of loss, and to find a flicker of peace in the act of reaching out. On its hill in Ōtsuchi, the Wind Telephone remains a quiet sentinel, its glass panes reflecting the sky and the sea beyond. Within its walls, the echoes of countless voices linger, carrying stories of heartbreak, resilience, and an enduring connection to those no longer here. It is a testament to the human need for expression, a reminder that even in the depths of loss, we are bound by the invisible threads of love and memory. ●
To find a Wind Phone near you, visit My Wind Phone at www.mywindphone.com, an interactive map that helps locate these meaningful installations around the world.
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Photo courtesy Corey Dembeck
Washington-based photographer Corey Dembeck created The Telephone of the Wind in Olympia as a space for reflection and healing after the passing of his friends’ four-year-old daughter. 15
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Image by Chris Abatzis
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CARRYING THIER LIGHT KEEPSAKES THAT HOLD MEMORIES BY CANDLELIGHT MAGAZINE STAFF, WITH ANONYMOUS CONTRIBUTIONS FROM OUR COMMUNITY
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—a locket worn smooth from years of touch, a faded recipe card with floury fingerprints, a watch that still ticks in time with a memory. These objects, ordinary to anyone else, carry the weight of a lifetime. They are not just things but extensions of the people we’ve loved, fragments of their lives that remain with us, quietly defying the passage of time. In moments of grief, these keepsakes take on even greater meaning. They allow us to feel a presence, however fleeting, of those who are no longer with us. They become touchstones, guiding us back to the love, laughter, and wisdom that shaped us. This is the power There are certain things we hold onto
of the objects we keep. They hold a quiet magic, bridging past and present, ensuring that even as life moves forward, the ones we’ve loved remain a part of our everyday lives. They remind us that while people may leave, their legacies endure in the things they leave behind. This is the power of the objects we keep. They hold a quiet magic, bridging past and present, ensuring that even as life moves forward, the ones we’ve loved remain a part of our everyday lives. They remind us that while people may leave, their legacies endure in the things they leave behind. ●
“Right after my dad died, I held onto one of his T-shirts that still smelled like him. It was such a comfort and really helped me through my grief.
Honestly, what I kept versus what I let go of surprised me. I got so emotional about letting go of a plant he had, but I didn’t think twice about giving away his clothes or jewelry.”
Image by Mathew Addington
My dad had a woodworking shop, and after he passed, I let one of my friends come over and take whatever he wanted. My friend had always been inspired by my dad to get into furniture- making, so it was really emotional for all of us, but also really meaningful.
Image by Ivan Samkov
“I keep this random shopping list my mom wrote. I found it about a year after she passed, while I was cleaning out a closet. It felt like finding a little piece of her.”
Image by Elizabeth Campbell
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“I still have my horse’s old girth in my closet. I loved that horse so much that I even brought the girth with me to college—having it around just makes me feel close to him.”
“My mom had this little prayer book her parents gave her for her First Communion in the 1940s. She was such an inspiration to everyone who knew her, and I love having that piece of her.”
Image by Sarah Monk
Image by Aigars Jansons
“I kept three of my dad’s books that have his notes scribbled in the margins. There’s something so special about seeing his handwriting.”
Image by Furkan Demirr
“When my dad passed away, I came across some old WWII photos, letters, and telegrams from when my grandfather (his dad) was stationed in Paris.”
Image by Willfried Wende
“When my grandmother passed in 2011, and I didn’t end up keeping much of her stuff, but I do have this small stuffed elephant she made for me when I was 10. I still have it, and it’s still really special to me.”
Image by Arina Krasnikova
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Image by Eva Bronzini
Words by Elizabeth Campbell, Image by Dominika Gregušová
DEATH IS TOUGH, HE WOULD KNOW
cautions David Ferrugio several minutes into an episode of his popular DEAD Talks Podcast . “If you're not feeling good don’t pretend that you're happy. But you should be careful the way you choose your words. Go through your rabbit hole of darkness, but you have to also do it with a faith—regardless of what your faith is. Know that you can come out the other side.” “PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF,” It’s this honesty, paired with a knack for drawing out deeper reflections, that makes Ferrugio’s conversations about death, grief, and overcoming sadness so compelling. He approaches heavy topics not with cold detachment or overly sentimental tones, but with a relatability that resonates with his listeners. The podcast feels like a conversation with a friend who isn’t afraid to dive into the murky waters
of grief— someone who can hold space for both the pain and the possibility of hope. Through DEAD Talks , Ferrugio proves that discussing mortality doesn’t have to be intimidating or overly clinical; it can be real, accessible, and healing. Alongside his rotating roster of guests, experiences with grieving or perspectives on mortality are explored in a way that, as his tagline states, “shatters the ‘don’t talk about death’” taboo. To Ferrugio, grief doesn’t end; it evolves. His podcast explores this evolution, blending heartfelt stories, insightful reflections, and even moments of humor to create a space where listeners can process and reflect on their own experiences with loss.
In our interview, his belief that there’s no “right” way
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RECOMMENDED EPISODES
to grieve resonates as a reminder to trust your own healing process. As he explains, “Almost every person I talk to [...] always paints grief as the moment when they allowed themselves to feel it.” For Ferrugio, the turning point in navigating grief comes when individuals stop judging their emotions and begin to fully experience them—even the most painful moments. “You’re not doing it wrong,” he says, “you just haven’t figured out what works for you.” This sentiment forms the foundation of DEAD Talks: a space where vulnerability is celebrated and grief is seen as an ongoing, evolving journey rather than a fixed timeline. Ferrugio’s message is both liberating and deeply personal, encouraging listeners to embrace the messiness of loss without fear of getting it "wrong." How David Ferrugio is Normalizing Grief, One Podcast at a Time
Ep. 102 - Life, Death and 9/11 with Neil deGrasse Tyson The famed astrophysicist and author shares his up-close experience with 9/11 Ep. 176 - Tony Hawk Talks About Death and Life The legendary skateboarder opens up about the deep impact of losing both his parents and a close friend Ep. 150 - Life Isn’t Always Happy, But Humor Can Help Nora McInerny, host of podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking, speaks about being a remarried widow.
Having lost his father in the September 11th attacks when he was just 12 years old, Ferrugio knows firsthand the weight of grief and the importance of talking about it. He points to this personal loss as the catalyst for DEAD Talks, where he invites others to share their experiences with mourning, trauma, and loss. By offering a platform to explore these deeply human experiences, he hopes to make it just a little easier for people to engage with these conversations. Whether it’s grief, trauma, or the broader questions of mortality, the podcast creates a safe space for stories that normalize discussing death in all its facets.
Part of that normalization, which may be most helpful
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for a certain type of person, is the permission to find humor in grief. Episodes like Ep. 115: How Humor, Grief, and Loss Go Together (with guest stand-up comedian Nick Simmons) highlight how laughter can coexist with sorrow. “Grief and joy are not mutually exclusive,” Ferrugio tell us. “You might feel guilty to even find joy amongst grief. But to me, you give yourself permission for both of those things—permission to grieve and permission to find joy.” By blending vulnerability with humor, Ferrugio challenges the notion that grief must always be solemn and serious, creating a space where healing can happen in unexpected ways. “I think life is just one big dark comedy, if you will. Everything could be laughed at in a certain light, but there are moments when laughter isn’t the point,” he explains. This thoughtful approach allows him to carefully thread humor into conversations where it fits naturally, without forcing it. “I gently throw in humor where I see fit—it’s not planned; it’s just a natural reaction,” he says. The balance of levity and empathy enables Ferrugio to connect with listeners on a human level, showing them that even in the darkest moments, a little light can shine through. Humor, joy—whatever gets you through the day. But no matter how you talk about death, he says the point is simply to be able to talk about death. And perhaps society is shifting more in that direction. “COVID was a big shift,” he says, “in the revolutionary aspect of going back to the age-old question... ‘Who are we? Why are we here? What is death, this, and the afterlife?’”
“GRIEF AND JOY ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. YOU [MUST] GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION FOR BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.”
The pandemic forced many to confront their own mortality in a way they hadn’t before, bringing discussions about death back into public consciousness. The podcast taps into this moment, offering listeners a chance to explore these questions in an open and honest way, free of judgment or discomfort. So, what advice does a man with nearly 200 episodes on death and over a million combined social media followers (as of this writing) have for you or your loved ones who may be grieving? He emphasizes the importance of being present and gauging the emotional readiness of someone in grief. “The way people receive information is different. It’s about reading the room and understanding what they’re ready to hear,” he shares. For him, grief is as much about connection as it is about timing: “Just being there is better than anything I could ever say,” ●
DEAD Talks Podcast is available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
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WHAT TO DO AFTER SOMEONE DIES A Practical Checklist by Buried at Work ☐ Obtain the Verification of Death & Pronouncement of Death ☐ Identify If Medical Research or Organ Donation Program Arrangements Exist ☐ Arrange for the Transfer of the Body ☐ Keep Track of All Property, Income, Debts, Expenses, & Correspondence of the Estate ☐ Secure the Deceased's Residence and Personal Property ☐ Notify Family and Friends ☐ Draft and Submit an Obituary ☐ Determine if a Last Will and Testament Exists ☐ Arrange for Care of Dependents ☐ Arrange for Care of Pets ☐ Document and Log Sympathy Cards and Condolences ☐ Notify Relevant Religious Institutions or Spiritual Advisors ☐ Begin Carrying Out End-of-Life Plan: Funeral, Burial, or Final Resting Place ☐ Collect Other Important Documents and Review and Handle Safe Deposit Boxes ☐ Notify Employers, Business Associates, and Schools ☐ Notify Alumni Organizations, Fraternal Organizations, or Clubs ☐ Carry Out End-of-Life and Final Resting Place Plans ☐ Dispose of Perishables and Perform a More Thorough Check of the Residence
☐ Collect Other Important Documents ☐ Notify Relevant Federal Agencies ☐ Contact Former Employers for Employee Benefits
☐ Apply for Life Insurance Proceeds ☐ Consider Exercising Stock Options ☐ Notify Medical Professionals, Cancel Upcoming Appointments, and Obtain Copies of Medical Records
☐ Cancel Prescriptions and Dispose of Unused Medications ☐ Account For Frequent Flyer Miles or Travel Rewards ☐ Notify One of the Three Credit Bureaus ☐ Obtain a Current Copy of the Deceased’s Credit Report ☐ Notify Utility Companies ☐ Notify the Homeowners/Renters Insurance Carriers ☐ Notify the Property Insurance Carriers
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Buried in Work was established to simplify estate planning and end-of-life tasks, inspired by a personal experience, and driven by a mission to provide clarity and support during difficult times. Their resources are designed for individuals, families, friends, service providers, and businesses looking for effective estate planning and end-of-life management solutions. For an extended checklist—or to access what has been called “the most comprehensive end- of-life resource ever,” visit buriedinwork.com.●
Image by Chris Abatzis
☐ Notify Credit Card Companies ☐ Check With Creditors for The Existence of Credit Life Insurance ☐ Apply For Federal Survivors Benefits ☐ File Outstanding Claims for Health Insurance or Medicare ☐ Notify the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) ☐ Update Joint Financial Accounts ☐ Contact the Financial Aid Office if the Deceased Has a Dependent in College or University
☐ Re-evaluate Current Employee Benefit Plans ☐ Account for Stored Reproductive Material ☐ Update Emergency Contact Information Designations Where Appropriate ☐ Organize and Secure Digital Assets & Subscriptions ☐ Close or Memorialize Social Media Accounts ☐ Manage E-mail Accounts, Including Auto-Reply and Auto-Forward
☐ Investigate and Claim Unclaimed Property ☐ Assess and Manage Real Estate Holdings
☐ Engage Estate Sale & Cleanout Professionals if Necessary ☐ Arrange for Disposal or Donation of Unwanted Items ☐ Determine if Probate or Estate Administration Will Be Necessary ☐ Evaluate Whether a Professional Executor, Fiduciary, or Probate Attorney Is Needed ☐ Determine What Final Tax Returns Are Appropriate ☐ Create an Updated Financial Plan ☐ Order a Grave Marker, Headstone, or Urn ☐ Revisit Your Estate Plan, Including Advance Directives
Access the full checklist:
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FINDING RENEWAL IN NATURE-BASED MEMORIALS
by Elizabeth Campbell with images by Better Place Forests
For centuries, people have turned to nature for solace—to find comfort in its quiet beauty and wisdom. Today, this deep connection is shaping how we honor and remember those we’ve lost. As more families seek alternatives to traditional burials, the appeal of nature- based memorials has grown. These serene spaces offer not only a final resting place but also a profound sense of continuity and renewal. “Spending time in nature makes people feel better,” says Jillian Nye, Customer Experience Manager for Better Place Forests. “It’s often a way people turn to relieve stress or connect with friends and family—whether it’s through exercising, taking a walk, or simply enjoying a picnic. When thinking about their end-of- life plans, it seems like a natural next step for many to say, ‘I’d like to be in nature again.’” According to Nye, as many as 60% of people surveyed in recent years have expressed interest in “a back-to-nature option” over a more traditional cemetery burial. These preferences are often rooted in cherished memories of time spent outdoors and an increasing awareness of sustainability’s
importance.
die over time, but their space remains part of the ecosystem. New growth springs up, continuing the cycle of life. Families keep their memorial marker, and their connection to the space endures.” For many, this ongoing transformation is part of the memorial’s beauty. Sitting by a tree and watching the leaves flutter in the wind or noticing new saplings
And Better Place Forests, a conservation memorial forest company where ashes can be returned to the earth at a memorial tree in a protected forest, reflects a larger cultural shift toward green burials and nature-based memorials. Justin Crowe, founder and CEO of Parting Stone, has introduced a deeply
innovative way to honor loved ones by turning cremated remains into smooth, tactile stones. “Whether a family chooses ashes (cremated remains) or stones (solidified remains) following cremation, there is an inherent sense of transformation into a form that feels elemental. This elemental reduction of the body can offer profound comfort, embodying a stillness that feels very different from burial,” Crowe explains. These nature-based memorials extend beyond private rituals to include communal connections and meaningful journeys. Crowe shares stories of families scattering stones in places that held special significance—gardens, hiking trails, and even golf courses. “We’ve seen families embark on cross-country trips with the stones, scattering them in
sprouting from the forest floor can bring a sense of peace and hope.
“Nature is constantly reminding us that things die, transform, and are born again,” Nye says. “It’s a chance to find meaning and healing in something greater than ourselves.” These memorials also offer families a tangible legacy. A loved one’s tree becomes a place of connection, where visits can mark milestones or simply offer a moment of reflection. “One of the things we hope is that people feel welcome and included in the forest,” Nye says. “We want this experience to provide a sense of peace and healing, as well as a way to honor life’s cycles.” As end-of-life traditions evolve, nature-based memorials offer a path forward that is both timeless and innovative. For those seeking an option that celebrates life’s
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NATURE IS CONSTANTLY REMINDING US THAT THINGS DIE, TRANSFORM, AND ARE BORN AGAIN. IT’S A CHANCE TO FIND MEANING AND HEALING IN SOMETHING GREATER THAN OURSELVES.
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locations tied to cherished memories,” he says. Such experiences allow for continued connection and celebration of a loved one’s life. Still, the natural life cycle of a forest—where trees grow, age, and sometimes fall—can raise concerns. Nye addresses this with transparency. “We educate families about the natural evolution of a forest. Trees
s connection to the earth, these serene spaces provide an opportunity to create meaning and legacy—for generations to come. In the quiet of a forest, surrounded by the rustling of leaves and the enduring beauty of the natural world, we find not only the memory of those we’ve lost but also the promise of renewal and the enduring cycle of
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life. In the quiet of a forest, surrounded by the rustling of leaves and the enduring beauty of the natural world, we find not only the memory of those we’ve lost but also the promise of renewal and the enduring cycle of life.
The resonance of these options lies in their ability to transform grief into a creative and personal journey. For some, this means choosing a tree in a forest; for others, it’s holding a smooth stone that carries a loved one’s essence. Whether through the stillness of a forest or the weight of a stone, these memorials provide a path toward renewal, grounded in the beauty of the earth and the memories we carry forward. ●
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Learn more about Better Place Forests at betterplaceforests.com.
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Image courtesy Parting Stone.
Learn more about Parting Stone at partingstone.com.
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BOOKS THAT ILLUMINATE THE PATH THROUGH LOSS
IN THE FACE OF LOSS, THESE RECENT RELEASES OFFER SOLACE, WISDOM, AND COMPANIONSHIP, GUIDING READERS THROUGH THE COMPLEXITIES OF GRIEF WITH VOICES THAT DEEPLY UNDERSTAND ITS TERRAIN.
by Carla Fernandez Renegade Grief
by Sloane Crosley Grief Is for People
In this poignant memoir, Nicole Avant channels her grief after the tragic loss of her mother into a life filled with purpose and activism. Blending grit, grace, and gratitude, her story is an inspiring roadmap for finding hope and meaning after loss. by Nicole Avant Think You'll Be Happy
Shaped by her personal loss, Carla Fernandez challenges society's dismissive view of grief in Renegade Grief. Through real stories, history, and science, she redefines grieving as a respected, creative, and deeply communal journey, offering permission to grieve uniquely.
With humor, honesty, and lyrical prose, Sloane Crosley captures the multifaceted nature of grief after losing her best friend to suicide. Her memoir is a celebration of life, a meditation on loss, and a poignant reminder of the enduring connections we carry forward.
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Writing by Candlelight Magazine Staff; images from left to right courtesy of Simon & Schuster; HarperCollins Publishers; Farrar, Straus and Giroux; Archway Editions; Center for Loss & Life Transition; and HarperOne.
Acclaimed grief expert Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor explores the profound physiological effects of grief in The Grieving Body, revealing its toll on health systems. Combining research and narratives, this empathetic guide addresses grief’s impact on well-being, offering insight and hope.● by Mary-Frances O'Connor The Grieving Body
by Dr. Alan Wolfelt Understanding Your Suicide Grief Dr. Alan Wolfelt offers a compassionate companion for those navigating the unique pain of losing someone to suicide. Built around his Ten Touchstones of grief, this book provides gentle guidance for engaging with grief and finding a path toward healing.
by John Farris Last Poems
John Farris, a revered genius of the New York poetry scene, is celebrated in Last Poems. Featuring his final works and drawings, this collection honors a poet who lived on the margins, amplifying his vital, enduring voice.
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INKY, MY DAD & ME Kym Motley
The following is an excerpt from Motley’s memoir, Inky, My Dad & Me: A Guide to Living While Dying for Friends & Caregivers. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My dad used to tell this joke about a guy who was lost and called a friend for directions. He said, “I’m at the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.” Obviously, the guy didn’t look up to read the name of the streets, just the traffic signal in front of him. When I think about why I wanted to write this book, this joke came to mind. Several friends have asked me for advice regarding their dying loved ones, and all of them started at this intersection. “Walk and Don’t Walk” could be the corner of chemo and hospice, denial and acceptance, or any other combination of circumstances and mixed emotions.
Motley, with her father Rowe.
A couple of months before my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my beloved black, Burmese kitty, Inky, was diagnosed with cancer. This came as a complete shock. Unlike my asthmatic, orange tabby cat, Stinky, Inky was never sick. Through his diagnosis, treatment, and ultimate passing, Inky was my teacher. I had the displeasure of losing Inky and my dad within six months of each other; however, Inky showed me how to be fully present and loving for my dad as he walked with death. My father’s third bout with cancer brought with it a dark cloud of despair. His first two battles were of the Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma variety, and they came with an 80% chance of recovery. Determined to beat the disease, my dad fought the first two rounds and won. Despite his victory, he said, “If the cancer comes back, I’m not doing chemo. It’s like going to hell and back.” I knew he meant it. He also said he spent his time waiting for the other shoe to drop. I tried not to think about it, but the shoe dropped
seven years later, and although I remembered what my dad said, we were not prepared for the arduous road ahead.
I did know one thing—I loved my father very, very much. Although I, too, was scared, I told him, “I’m going to hold your hand and drop you off at the pearly gates.” He replied, “I know.” It’s at the intersection of fear and love my journey began. By becoming friends with death, I also became friends with life. I found peace about my dad’s impending death and embraced the future I wanted to create for myself. The journey from the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk is different for everyone.
The day of our oncologist visit for the hospice referral, my mom called and said, “Your dad changed his mind. Tell the doctor we’re not coming.” I asked to speak to him, knowing he was going to blast me. My dad fussed—the phone felt hot with anger, fear, and frustration. I let him finish, and then in a calm tone I asked, “Haven’t I always been in your corner? I understand why you don’t want to continue with treatment. I promise no one will poke you anymore or make you take fluids. The doctor will understand your decision and help you manage the pain. I’ll be there at 1:30 tomorrow to pick you up.”
. “BY BECOMING FRIENDS WITH DEATH, I ALSO BECAME FRIENDS WITH LIFE. I FOUND PEACE ABOUT MY DAD’S IMPENDING DEATH AND EMBRACED THE FUTURE I WANTED TO CREATE FOR MYSELF”
During the visit, the doctor explained he was referring my dad to hospice. He confirmed for my dad there would be no more chemotherapy, no more poking and prodding, and that the goal of hospice care was to keep him comfortable. As we left the doctor’s office, my dad put his arm around me and said, “I was so mad at you yesterday, but you took care of me.” I smiled at my dad and helped him into the car. My mom and my four older brothers were all at different intersections in their grief. I tried desperately to get them to meet me at my dad’s corner, but my message was rebuffed, leaving me feeling angry and isolated. I called the pet medium to ask Inky how to deal with these feelings. “Send them love—they can’t fight love,” he said. Inky explained my mom was very scared and her anger stemmed from the fear of losing her beloved husband of 60 years. We were all on the same journey but we took different paths—some longer, some shorter—with different stops along the way. ●
THE LETTER WRITING PROJECT
FINDING WORDS FOR WHAT’S LEFT BEHIND
words by Elizabeth Campbell, artwork by Lee Mingwei
Photo by Yoshitsugu Fuminari, Courtesy of Mori Art Museum
of our busy lives, grief often leaves us searching for the words we didn’t say. The Letter Writing Project offered a tender invitation: step into its softly glowing booths, pick up a pen, and let the words come. Originally created by artist Lee Mingwei in 1998, this on-going installation transforms bustling spaces into sanctuaries of reflection, giving participants a moment to write letters they’ve carried silently in their hearts. Each booth, crafted from wood and translucent glass, glows with a warmth that feels almost alive. Inside, visitors stand, sit, or kneel—postures inspired by meditation in Ch’an Buddhism. These simple In the blur
gestures guided the writer to reflect on themes of gratitude, insight, or forgiveness. And then, in the quiet, they began to write. These letters were often addressed to loved ones who had passed, though some were for the living, or even for the writers themselves. They were filled with longing, apology, or gratitude—words that couldn’t be spoken in life but still needed to be heard. Participants left their letters in the booth for others to read, sealed them in envelopes for privacy, or had them mailed. Many remain unsent, kept by the artist, their existence a testament to the healing power of expression.
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WE CAN GIVE VOICE TO WHAT WE FEEL, CREATE MOMENTS OF BEAUTY IN THE MIDST OF SORROW, AND HOLD ONTO WHAT MATTERS MOST.
But its most profound lesson is one you can carry with you: the act of writing is a bridge. Whether you’re standing in one of Lee’s glowing booths or sitting at your kitchen table, the process remains the same. Writing to someone you’ve lost allows you to put feelings into form, to speak into the silence and create connection where there is absence. It’s a simple act, yet one with extraordinary power to soothe the heart. What might you say to someone you’ve lost if you had the chance? Start there. Pick up a pen and let the words flow, knowing there’s no right way to write—only your way. Whether your letter is kept in a drawer, burned in a quiet ritual, or set afloat on water, its purpose is not in its delivery. It is in the release, the acknowledgment, and the love that lingers in the spaces between the words. Grief often leaves us feeling powerless, but the act of writing reminds us that we have agency in how we process loss. We can give voice to what we feel, create moments of beauty in the midst of sorrow, and hold onto what matters most. In writing, we find a way forward—not to leave the past behind, but to carry it with us, gently, as we go. ●
From top to bottom: Courtesy of LEE Studio, courtesy of Chicago Cultural Center, courtesy of Taipei Fine Arts Museum
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Photo by Anita Kan, Courtesy of Davis Museum Wellesley College
Let The Letter Writing Project inspire you to create your own space for reflection. Begin with a simple question: What do you wish you had said? Write freely, trusting that even incomplete words can offer comfort and connection. 42
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A THERAPIST’S THOUGHTS ON FINDING CLOSURE AND HEALING
With images by Fanette Guilloud
HOW GRIEF SHAPES US— AND HOW WE LEARN TO LIVE WITHIN ITS CHANGES
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Grief is a universal experience, yet it often feels deeply personal and isolating. In this Q&A, Gregorio (GL) Lozano III, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor at Grow Therapy, shares insights into the complex journey of loss. From understanding why pain is an essential part of healing to recognizing when it’s time to seek professional help, Lozano offers compassionate advice for navigating grief, finding closure, and creating space for hope amidst heartache. Whether you’re facing a recent loss or supporting someone who is, this conversation sheds light on the path to healing with empathy and care. Candlelight Magazine: How does grief evolve over time? Does it ever truly go away, or does it just change? Greg Lozano: I think it just changes. The response that we get to our loss begins to evolve. When I explain emotional pain to my clients, it's similar to physical pain. For example, those of us who have been to a physical therapist sometimes start the work by stretching injured muscles, ligaments, or joints. That process is painful, but if we don’t go through it, we won’t heal correctly. As a therapist, what I try to do is help clients stay in their pain so they can understand and feel that they're not alone. At the same time, they also need to be able to shift their attention away from their pain. 46
CM: How do you recommend people do that? A lot of the time, it can feel all-consuming, like it’s impossible to think about something else.
GL: I encourage people to stay with what they're feeling and understand that their pain reflects how much love they had for the person they lost. For example, if a stranger passes away, it’s sad, of course, but it doesn’t hit us emotionally in the same way as losing a close loved one.
CM: What sort of healthy ways do you recommend for distraction?
GL: I help people identify their own sanctuaries.
Some men like to go fishing at a nearby lake or river. Others prefer walking trails. It’s about doing something that helps them get distracted when the persistent feeling becomes too overwhelming. However, it’s important to allow space to feel the pain, even when it’s hard, because that’s what helps it lift over time. CM: I imagine it’s even more difficult for those navigating complex losses, such as traumatic or sudden loss, or grieving strained relationships and complicated dynamics. How do you help people manage feelings of guilt or unfinished business? GL: What tends to happen is that we try to avoid feelings that don’t feel good. When someone has unresolved grudges with someone who has passed, the hurt can be overwhelming. I guide them through their journey, starting with what it was like to live with that person, how they interacted, and how they were hurt, all the way to the moment of loss. By gently and empathetically guiding them, they can bring other emotions to the surface—not just grudges or resentment. Resentment stems from anger, which is a secondary emotion. It’s a protective response to the primary emotions underneath—those are the painful ones. By getting in touch with those deeper emotions, clients can find clarity and closure for their unfinished business.
CM: What do you say to someone facing societal pressure to move on?
GL: This is especially important. Therapy is crucial in these cases because the therapist is expected to be the most accepting and understanding figure in their life.
Society often fails to acknowledge the pain of someone who hasn’t “moved on.” As a therapist, I serve as a surrogate attachment figure, someone who sees and validates their experience.
CM: When do you recommend people seek professional help?
GL: Some colleagues suggest mental wellness checks yearly, just like physical wellness checks. There isn’t a fixed timeline for grief—it’s complicated. But generally, if you’re unable to function at work, or your relationships are suffering, it’s time to seek help. If you’re a parent, for example, and your kids or elderly parents need you but you can’t meet those demands, that’s when therapy is necessary. 47
48 Finding the right grief therapist can make all the difference in navigating the complexities of loss. Start by searching online directories like Psychology Today, where you can filter therapists by specialty, location, and whether they offer telehealth appointments. Many therapists now provide virtual sessions, making it easier than ever to access support from the comfort of your home. Additionally, consider reaching out to local mental health clinics, community centers, or your primary care provider for recommendations. Remember, seeking help is a powerful step toward healing—and there’s a professional out there ready to support you. ●
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