seven years later, and although I remembered what my dad said, we were not prepared for the arduous road ahead.
I did know one thing—I loved my father very, very much. Although I, too, was scared, I told him, “I’m going to hold your hand and drop you off at the pearly gates.” He replied, “I know.” It’s at the intersection of fear and love my journey began. By becoming friends with death, I also became friends with life. I found peace about my dad’s impending death and embraced the future I wanted to create for myself. The journey from the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk is different for everyone.
The day of our oncologist visit for the hospice referral, my mom called and said, “Your dad changed his mind. Tell the doctor we’re not coming.” I asked to speak to him, knowing he was going to blast me. My dad fussed—the phone felt hot with anger, fear, and frustration. I let him finish, and then in a calm tone I asked, “Haven’t I always been in your corner? I understand why you don’t want to continue with treatment. I promise no one will poke you anymore or make you take fluids. The doctor will understand your decision and help you manage the pain. I’ll be there at 1:30 tomorrow to pick you up.”
. “BY BECOMING FRIENDS WITH DEATH, I ALSO BECAME FRIENDS WITH LIFE. I FOUND PEACE ABOUT MY DAD’S IMPENDING DEATH AND EMBRACED THE FUTURE I WANTED TO CREATE FOR MYSELF”
During the visit, the doctor explained he was referring my dad to hospice. He confirmed for my dad there would be no more chemotherapy, no more poking and prodding, and that the goal of hospice care was to keep him comfortable. As we left the doctor’s office, my dad put his arm around me and said, “I was so mad at you yesterday, but you took care of me.” I smiled at my dad and helped him into the car. My mom and my four older brothers were all at different intersections in their grief. I tried desperately to get them to meet me at my dad’s corner, but my message was rebuffed, leaving me feeling angry and isolated. I called the pet medium to ask Inky how to deal with these feelings. “Send them love—they can’t fight love,” he said. Inky explained my mom was very scared and her anger stemmed from the fear of losing her beloved husband of 60 years. We were all on the same journey but we took different paths—some longer, some shorter—with different stops along the way. ●
Made with FlippingBook - Online catalogs