CM: How do you recommend people do that? A lot of the time, it can feel all-consuming, like it’s impossible to think about something else.
GL: I encourage people to stay with what they're feeling and understand that their pain reflects how much love they had for the person they lost. For example, if a stranger passes away, it’s sad, of course, but it doesn’t hit us emotionally in the same way as losing a close loved one.
CM: What sort of healthy ways do you recommend for distraction?
GL: I help people identify their own sanctuaries.
Some men like to go fishing at a nearby lake or river. Others prefer walking trails. It’s about doing something that helps them get distracted when the persistent feeling becomes too overwhelming. However, it’s important to allow space to feel the pain, even when it’s hard, because that’s what helps it lift over time. CM: I imagine it’s even more difficult for those navigating complex losses, such as traumatic or sudden loss, or grieving strained relationships and complicated dynamics. How do you help people manage feelings of guilt or unfinished business? GL: What tends to happen is that we try to avoid feelings that don’t feel good. When someone has unresolved grudges with someone who has passed, the hurt can be overwhelming. I guide them through their journey, starting with what it was like to live with that person, how they interacted, and how they were hurt, all the way to the moment of loss. By gently and empathetically guiding them, they can bring other emotions to the surface—not just grudges or resentment. Resentment stems from anger, which is a secondary emotion. It’s a protective response to the primary emotions underneath—those are the painful ones. By getting in touch with those deeper emotions, clients can find clarity and closure for their unfinished business.
CM: What do you say to someone facing societal pressure to move on?
GL: This is especially important. Therapy is crucial in these cases because the therapist is expected to be the most accepting and understanding figure in their life.
Society often fails to acknowledge the pain of someone who hasn’t “moved on.” As a therapist, I serve as a surrogate attachment figure, someone who sees and validates their experience.
CM: When do you recommend people seek professional help?
GL: Some colleagues suggest mental wellness checks yearly, just like physical wellness checks. There isn’t a fixed timeline for grief—it’s complicated. But generally, if you’re unable to function at work, or your relationships are suffering, it’s time to seek help. If you’re a parent, for example, and your kids or elderly parents need you but you can’t meet those demands, that’s when therapy is necessary. 47
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