SHOW OFF SALEM Ok. You need some kind of attention that you not getting elsewhere. Or maybe you just a Leo and you always just do that anyway. Breh, this is not an audition or performance. Calm down small abeg. Oh! ohhhh? I see. You ALSO teach your own class, and you came here for the sole purpose of everyone noticing you so that folks will come and talk to you, and you will give them a promo flyer. Ah ah. I see what you did there. We bow. Tactics. TRIFLING TRIBALIST They are from another African ethnic group, and they are there solely to express their superiority over you. These are the mumus that never miss a Ghana vs. Naija jollof battle. But you’re Senegal. Flex your superiority. Ignore them. E choke. EVER-KNOWING EVELYN In 1983, I traveled to Makoko village. Have you been? No, Evelyn, I’m sorry that colonization has made it so I never was able to visit any other African regions, and now have been forced to arrive in the U.S. and the way the immigration system is set up? I can’t ever really go back, or go anywhere else. Oh that’s nice, you’ve been to my family village as well? Oh lovely, tell me more. Do I know Chief Manguru? No. No. I don’t. Oh you created a charity for him. Lovely. Yes. Yes. I’m just a basic dance teacher. I know nothing. I’ve been nowhere. Oh I see I’m not ‘that’ interesting after all. Thanks for not coming to my class anymore. Tell my villagers I said hi. PRIVATE-LESSON POOJA I’m really struggling getting it, and I just can’t really deal with other people distracting me in the space. Can I set some time for privates with you? Ah, Pooja. This is a social dance, part of learning is being with other people. If strangers don’t sweat or breathe on you, the dance will not work. Just keep coming. Omg are you pouting? What is this behavior? MASTERFUL MACKENZIE Do you know it takes me an average of 2 years to learn each movement? And I’m still learning and refining. But you paid $15 and you are angry because you didn’t ‘mas- ter’ it in 30 minutes. Am I a microwave? FITFAM MAYA They come in jogging. They have overpriced non-wicking tight pants on, a headband, a fresh tee from their gym pro- gram, step-tracker watch, and a protein shake in a high- lighter colored bottle. Whenever you pause to give instruc- tions or move the formation of the class, they start jogging
on the spot. When you call for a water break, you find them in the corner doing jumping jacks and burpees. They think your warm up is weak af. ‘MY SPOT’ SHARIF Front row warriors. They protec’, they attac’ but most importantly they come back. If you tell the front line to move to the back, they will wrinkle their nose and look up to the ceiling to avoid eye contact. Every time you change up the rows, their ears will close and they still end up in front. Unaware victims (see: Comfortable Comfort), who find themselves taking their spot, will mysteriously receive a, Oh, my bad, did I bump you? BACKWALL BETTY These ones will never come out of the woodworks. Their eyes are unrelentlessly wide and bulging. The ones who will have a heart attack if you look at them, or tell them to do a demo or solo. Oh god. They have died now. WATCHFUL HUANG Oh you’re just here to ‘watch’. Well, since you’ve decided that we are African Netflix, as of next week I’m going to start charging a subscription fee. MANAGING MANAGER Oh what y’all doing in here? Is this some kind of African Hipity hop? Oh you know I used to do a lil’ African dance back in my day. Learned a few moves. Oh nah. It’s okay. I’m good, I just wanted to see what all the noise was about. Oh and by the way, y’all ten minutes over time, I need to close the building, if y’all don’t leave in the next 5 min- utes, I’ll be forced to write you up. Ha! Uncle, how did we come to the end of the road so fast? MIRAGE MIRIAM Mama so and so, it was great to see you. You really were amazing, I don’t know if that’s your real name, and I don’t have your contact info. If you see this message, I still have the wrapper and left over food container that you kept in the corner even tho I mentioned no eating in class. Also, have you seen my phone charger? It was next to your bag. N KEIRUKA ORUCHE is a multi-local, multi-interested Igbo creative who currently works and plays in Huchiun, unceded Lisjan Ohlone territory. Written words have always been her jam. You may find her cuddled up in bed battling debilitating pain, while simultaneously planning themed house parties or making spread- sheets to organize the multi-pronged takedown of capitalistcolonialheteropatri- archy. She’s obsessed with Pan Afro-Urban culture and believes that most of our problems can be cured with a fire-ass playlist . Absorb her reverberations through Afro Urban Society , Bakanal de Afrique , BoomShake Music , and House/full of BlackWomen . If personal stalking is more your vibe, try your luck at nkeioruche.com , IG: @nkorigible; TW: @Playcookie or just Send money Paypal | Venmo | Zelle. Because, Igbo girls don’t swim in water, we swim in wealth.
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SUMMER 2021 in dance
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