What is your one wish?
A person I could call a friend.
friendship
B y G eorge H . M oore
T he patient shuffled up the aisle in the clinic room with the attend ant, paying no attention to the audience of intently observing college students. The doctor, conducting the clinic began casually talking. It was not difficult to note the apathy, the general loss of interest in the withdrawal from the external world characteristic of sim ple schizophrenia. Here was one who had withdrawn from the world of reality to which he could not adjust into a different world whose problems he could meet. Said the doctor, "Now, if you could have three wishes for things which you would like to have, what would you wish for?” The patient thought for a few mo ments. His first wish was to travel — that is to any place except Ann Arbor, Mich, (the place where he was first committed). And then he thought he would like to have some clothes. He paused a bit. Again the doctor spoke, "Now think real hard. You have just one wish left! Now you think o f something that you would rather have, more than anything else in all the world.” There was complete stillness in the room as the 80 or more students and spectators wondered what would be the ultimate in the scale o f values of a sim ple schizophrenic. And the expression on the face of the patient indicated that he was doing his best to focus his thoughts on the thing that would be of supreme value to him. And then he said, with an insight greater than he really knew, "Well, I would like to have one person that I could call a friend.” His life was an
empty hollow thing because of the ab sence o f friends. To have friends is a basic psycho logical need of the human personality — a basic requisite for mental health. Without them life becomes intolerably lonely. The psychologist, Gordon All port, in his book 'Personality, a Psycho logical Interpretation makes the point that ego-centricity is not the mark of a mature personality. The person who is so wrapped up in himself, in his own interests, his own desires, that every thought, every action is in terms of "what will this action, this business deal, this social contact have in it for me?” is a person incapable of holding friends, and is a likely subject for one of the world’s most distressing illnesses "*-cr that of self-pity. As the word is currently used, one could say that there are different levels of friendship. The lowest level would only imply casual acquaintance. The re mark of a fellow on the golf course — "I have a friend down in Texas who has more oil wells than he can count” might mean that the individual talking once sat beside such an oil man at a dinner; or once knew such a person years before when they were fellow About the Author George H. Moore has had 11 years ex perience as pastor in the Friends Church in California, Oregon and Idaho. He has a Ph.D. degree from the University of Iowa and has taught at George Fox and Venn Colleges and is currently Assistant Professor of Psychology at the Biola Bible College in Los Angeles.
students in a one-room country school. Claiming acquaintance and friendship in this manner is a popular, though sometimes unconscious, form of ego- inflation — basking in the glory of the accomplishments or the fortunes of others by a superficial claiming of friendship. Mere intimacy or acquaint ance does not necessarily mean true friendship as the lines from Rossetti so aptly show: "Was it a friend or foe that spread these lies? Nay, who, but infants question in such wise ? ’Twas one of my most intimate enemies.” Among today’s best-sellers are books on the psychological techniques o f mak ing friends. No matter what one’s opin ion might be as to the psychology in volved, the volume of their sales indi cates, on the one hand, the void in the hearts of so many people who lack friends, and on the other, the realiza tion o f many that one cannot attain much success in life apart from having friends. There is the cynical philosophy that business or social advancement is more dependent upon the kind of friends one can cultivate than on one’s own basic abilities. Although many helpful books have been written which are psycho logically sound dealing with the tech niques which are important in the culti vation of friendship, yet, to the degree that these techniques are used as a superficial, insincere trick for the pro curement o f momentary friends for ulterior, selfish gain, to that extent, they will "backfire.” For sooner or later, such tactics expose the individual
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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