Sexual Bereavement by Barbara Gillett Saunders, Grief Counsellor Thanatologist You might look at the title and ask, ‘Barbara, what are you writing about now?’ Hmmm, I know sometimes, I go to the topics that some people might consider taboo or do not talk about. In reality, there are grieving individuals
Perhaps, embarrassment on your part, and to be honest, the professional or doctor might not know if it is an appropriate topic to discuss with you. What about your age -- is that a factor when discussing sexual bereavement? Does gender make a difference when considering having this discussion? You might wonder, where do you get more information. Having or knowing about safe sex is very important, especially as a senior. Life in 2025 is not the same as life fifty years ago. Sexually transmitted diseases are around in some senior communities (so I have heard). If you as a widow or widower were considering having sexual relations with someone, it is advisable for both parties in good faith to be tested for any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) to ensure each is safe to be with. A suggestion is to see your doctor or, the Southwestern Public Health (St. Thomas) can offer supportive information at 1-800-922-0096. While I am on the topic of sex and include intimacy, there is a train of thought that continuing with life in this way is a betrayal of the deceased partner/spouse. Okay, but what about you? Who is in charge of you, and is it anyone’s business what you do? You do what feels right -- no right or wrong; no judgment calls are needed from others. As far as supports for the subject of sexual bereavement, I do not know if you would find a support group around here … hey, maybe someone can start one. Others have found online social media spots. I quickly typed in ‘sexual bereavement’ on my computer, and several different search options popped up to be explored. Perhaps, this is an opportunity for individuals to put their hands up and become agents for change. The more we open the doors to discussing sexual bereavement, the less awkward it becomes. Hometown St. Thomas
who do not feel safe or supported when talking about different aspects of their grief, which is called Disenfranchised Grief. Continuing on about ‘sexual bereavement’ which refers to mourning the loss of intimacy when your special someone dies before you (is predeceased). Yes, the population is aging and therefore sexual bereavement may be a part of their story, but remember it is not only the elderly who die. Stop for a moment and consider how life would be or is for some people you know. After a partner dies, what comes with the loss of intimacy? Not only sex: • The empty bed • Loss of companionship • No one to cuddle with • Increased feeling of isolation • No one to have those intimate moments with • No one to give you hugs, you know, the really good hugs Oh, and the silence that is deafening. Until it happens to you, you might not understand this. Food for thought: do you think sexual bereavement has been overlooked? How often has a physician or counsellor discussed this topic? Would you bring up the topic yourself with a friend or professional? If not, why not?
All articles written by Geoff Rae unless otherwise noted. Copy Editor – Peter Bloch-Hansen Publisher – Barb Botten barb@villagerpublications.com Graphic Artist – Cathy Wood We look forward to hearing from you. Copyright @ 2015 Villager Publications. All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the Publisher. Information presented has been compiled from sources believed to be accurate at the time of printing however the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. Geoffrey Rae Managing Editor / Sales Geoff@villagerpublications.com • 519-495-7177
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Page 52 Hometown St. Thomas • June 2025
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