ECCENTRICUS
BIG BALLS
In 1818 twenty four members of the Royal Society excited by the recent publication of the electric inspired novel, Frankenstein, gathered together for a demonstration called the ‘Galvanisation Of Electro-Bioiotelegraphs’ In the centre of the selected auditorium was a wooden booth seven feet high with a metal inside, ornately panelled with glass highlights and a pitched lead roof to isolate magnetic interference. A complex mass of wires and steel entered the roof through ceramic caps to the metal box within which would allow electricity to safely enter the entire structure. The idea was to allow a patient to enter the metal box whereupon a burst of electricity would fill the booth stimulating the muscles and nerves to invigorate the body and thus effect a cure. Of course the ideal candidate would be a member of the society itself. Doctor William Howard-Oswald, nicknamed Whohoo, a young, willing and recent member of the distinguished society made a rash decision, but as all the other members were either too wise or too afraid to step forward the experiment began. The Doctor entered the booth. Switches were thrown and buttons pressed as the group looked on expectantly, what they expected I don’t know but what they got was a large flash bang that singed the eyebrows and curled the beards of the closest onlookers as the booth took off to shoot through the roof of the auditorium. The Doctor inside had heard the bang and knew something had happened. He waited a rather polite amount of time before nervously peering out and feeling both doors fly away from his hands as he crash landed on a rocky surface and everything went black. ‘Master! Master! Wake up!’ The voice grated as he slowly opened his eyes, it sounded metallic but regal, annoyed but stupid, boring but...but...it was a dog, a large metal dog with bun shaped hair urinating up the side of the broken booth.
‘What the f...’ the doctor said rather confused with the whole affair.
‘It’s me Master, Leia K9P! We’ve crashed in a s***hole of a place again!’
‘Skegness?’ The stunned doctor replied, unsure of why he had just answered.
‘No, planet Crapcomicon, a whole p***hole of a planet that should have had its backside lashed eons ago. It’s where crap cosplay comes to die, if you want a sh**ty Superman or a slutty Sooty you’ve come to the right place and now the Turdis is f**ked too!’ replied K9P for he was very ‘Potty of the Mouth’. The doctor leaned out of the broken door to look at this new world, it was indeed a f**king hole but he was more concerned that his arms had turned into a long multicoloured scarf and he was stood facing the mother of all dressing up disasters, a selection of crap cosplayers. What on earth was the Doctor going to do next?
‘A billion planets out there with a billion combinations and you had to land on this fucking one’ said Leia K9P wishing it had balls to lick.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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