EXPANDED EDITION WITH 7 NEW SMALL GROUP BIBLE STUDIES
FRED NELSON • INSIDE OUT NETWORK • TUCSON, AZ • INSIDEOUTNETWORK.NET
Contents Introduction
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How to Use This Book
1. Starting Well: Surviving Spiritually on the Inside 10 Voices from the NRC: Changing Your Life and Connecting to God 13 How People Change (or Don’t) 19 What Works and What Doesn’t: Wisdom from C and D Blocks 25 From Where I Sit (Chaplain George Adamson, Stateville Prison) 28 2. Read This If You’re Confused About Faith, the Bible, Prayer, and All That 32 Why Jesus? 33 Why Grace? 35 Belonging and Believing 38 Questions People Ask About the Bible 44 The Big Love Story 48 Reading the Bible 55 Ten Words That Could Use Some Explaining 57 3. Forgiveness 60 Love’s Toughest Work 62 The Heart and Art of Forgiveness 64 When It’s Really Hard to Forgive 66 4. Shame 72 Who Are We, Really? 75 From Where I Sit: The Journey from Shame to Joy (Fred Nelson, Pastor) 77 5. Complicated Stuff 88 You, Addiction and God 89 From Where I Sit: You, the Gangs, and God (Various Inmates) 96 Maintaining (or Regaining) a Meaningful Relationship with Your Family 103
Copyright 2012 Revised and expanded e diton 2017 by Fred Nelson
Edited by David A. Zimmerman
Cover and interior design: Rebecca Larson
Logo design by Thor Uremovich
ISBN: 978-1-4675-2429-2
Portions reprinted and adapted with permission.
To request more copies of Spiritual Survival Guide please contact
The Inside Out Network 3247 S Sun Splash Drive Tucson, AZ 85713 www. insideoutnetwork.net
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Contents
From Where I Sit: What It’s Like for Me When You’re Locked Up (Family Members of Inmates)
115 117 123
Being a Man, Being a Father
From Where I Sit (Tom Beatty, Head of the Malachi Dads Program)
6. Keeping It Going: Moving Beyond Survival Mode
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Biggest Challenges and Frustrations
128 138 142 152 158 161 178 182
INTRODUCTION
Biggest Surprises and Joys
Prayer Life: Top Ten Things We’ve Learned
Prayers That Made a Difference Praying Your Own Prayers
Walk Like a Christian: 12 Steps Toward Thriving Spiritually
From Where I Sit (Dan, Former Inmate)
Inmates Share a Month’s Worth of Spiritual Advice
You still have time.
7. Surviving Spiritually Beyond Prison
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You’re still breathing. Your heart is still beating. You’re a survivor . You’ve been through a lot, but somehow you’re still alive and kick- ing. And so is God. And that’s what counts. It doesn’t matter who you are. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or failed to do. Seriously. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been pushing God and “spiritual stuff” away your whole life. Because you still have time. There’s still hope. Hope you can count on. Even now, right where you’re sitting and reading this. Even in the midst of the chaos around you. Maybe you’re thinking, I’d like to believe that, but I don’t want to be a fool or a phony. We know the feeling. We’ve all gone through that same struggle. And believe us when we say that none of us wants to play make-believe, either. That’s not what this book is about. Spiritual survival isn’t about faking it. If it was, we wouldn’t bother. We wouldn’t waste our time—or yours.
“What Happened When I Got Out”: Dan’s Story
191 194 202 204 209 218
Hope and Realistic Expectations Planning and Communicating
From Where I Sit: Preparing Yourself for Re-entry (Mary Johnson, Prison Fellowship)
Surviving Spiritually at the Speed of Life
From Where We Sit: Advice from Former Prisoners 8. Bible Studies for Inside and Out Alive Again: Prodigal Son, Prodigal Love Prisoners in the Bible: I Was in Prison Prisoners in the Bible: Cain and Abel Prisoners in the Bible: Joseph in Prison Prisoners in the Bible: Peter in Prison Prisoners in the Bible: Paul and Silas in Prison Prisoners in the Bible: Freedom for the Captives
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Final Thoughts and a Prayer
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Introduction
But here’s the thing: We’ve learned—some of us the hard way—that we’re dealing with a second-chance, hundredth-chance, thousandth- chance God. And because of that amazing truth, you still have time.
with people both inside and outside of prison. That’s why we’re changing our name to the Inside Out Network. We’ll continue to produce resources like the Spiritual Survival Guide, but we’re also hard at work at producing new helpful resources like a 101-session Bible study curriculum for small groups (see chapter 8 for a sample), RED Chicago (a ReEntry Directory) to Chicago, and a revolutionary new ION app for a smartphone to help you transition to a new life when you’re released. As you read through this book, you’re going to be hearing from lots of different people—current inmates, former inmates, short-termers and lifers. You’ll hear from prison chaplains, correctional officers, pastors of ex-inmates, and family members. You’ll be hearing from Christians from a wide range of backgrounds. We’re different. And we don’t always agree on every detail. That’s okay. In fact, we think that’s a strength. We agree on the main things about our faith, and we’re sure that in these pages God has something important to say to you. We encourage you to use this book in whatever way makes sense to you and God. Resist the urge to just toss it away. On the other hand, don’t just swallow what you read. Test what you find here against the Bible— God’s Word. See for yourself if what we say rings true and holds up over time. See if it’s useful. We don’t think that we have all the answers or that we have everything figured out. But we do want to share what we’ve learned and experienced along the way. So think of this guide as a tiny handbook to the real book: the Bible. Think of it as a thought-provoker for surviving spiritually on the inside. Use it as a helpful conversation starter with others who are struggling with the same questions. Use it to take God and yourself seriously. Go ahead and read on. After all, you still have time. May God bless your time.
You and God aren’t finished writing the story of your life. In fact, you and God can start writing the next chapter of your life. And you can start now. That’s where this book comes in. The first thing we want this guide to do is to fire up your hope that you can not only survive in prison but actually thrive spiritually. We understand how this might sound as you sit and
look around your cell. We know that you’ve already lost so much. So many broken dreams. So many things taken away. But some things still remain. And one thing you now have in abundance is time . Let that reality sink in: You still have time. Time you may not have had on the outside. Time enough to finally pay attention to your soul, your spirit, your deeper self (whatever you want to call it). Time enough to finally get real with the living God who won’t let you go—no matter how many times you’ve ignored him or pushed him away.
A Quick Word About Us
Who we are.
We’re basically a bunch of church folks with a mission to create some helpful resources and to connect inmates and returning citizens to God, each other, the local community, and the local church. Over the years we’ve created two ministries that share that same passion – Under the Door (prison ministry) and Inside-Out Network (reentry ministry). As our vision has evolved, we’ve shifted focus toward working hand-in-hand
Fred Nelson, with inmates of Stateville Prison and friends of Under the Door
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How to Use This Book
Read It with Your Celly
There’s a lot to think about in this book, and you may want to “think out loud.” Invite your celly to read the book along with you, or talk to your celly about what you’ve read. Ask him what he thinks, how he re- lates to the stories, the insights from other inmates, the questions. Don’t annoy him, but don’t assume he isn’t interested, either. Your celly might surprise you with what he has to say; you might both be surprised with how life improves for both of you.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
Read It in a Group
The chaplain at your facility, like this book, is there to help you survive and thrive spiritually while you’re inside. If you earn the respect and trust of the staff at your facility, you may have the chance to read the book with a group of fellow inmates. Together you can grow spiritu- ally and imagine ways to help inmates, prison staff and your loved ones outside have a better life. However you read the Spiritual Survival Guide , we hope it’s a good experience for you. Let us know how we can make it better by writing us at
This book isn’t meant just to be read. It’s meant to be used. It’s a tool for you, and not just for you but for you and the people you come into con- tact with inside. We want you to survive spiritually in prison, but more than that we want you to thrive, and as you thrive spiritually the people around you will be affected, and life in prison can get better for everyone. So there are (at least) three ways you can use this book.
Read It by Yourself
The Inside Out Network 3247 S. Sun Splash Drive Tucson, AZ 85713
Read this book to help you pass time, to center your mind and to strengthen your faith. Read it slowly, taking time to think about what you’re reading and what it might mean for you. Pray about what you read, asking God to take you beyond what’s written to what he wants you to learn about yourself, prison and God.
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lock-up. Nobody presumes that you might be innocent. You’re now seen as the guilty inmate, period. The system is no longer reaching out to help you in the same way. Here you are being “processed,” feeling totally out of control. And not just feeling it, either. You don’t have any control. You didn’t let go of control voluntarily. It’s been stripped away. Lights out, inmate. One way or another, you’ve had to become out- wardly submissive to survive. Here you are, filled with a sense of hopelessness, doubt, and uncertain- ty. You may be depressed and wondering why God didn’t protect you. In fact, you may even have had a new-found relationship with God in county jail. But now here you are—convicted—and you feel let down. “God, you said that you forgave me. Now why this?!” Here you are with different cellies. Some of them have the baby-bird syndrome, whining incessantly about the small stuff. Some of them won’t do well because they keep justifying their way into the next wrong decision. Some of them are vulnerable. Some of them are predators. Some of them are truly innocent, caught up in the wrong place and with the wrong people. Some of them are guilty as charged. Some of them are finally ready for some serious change. Who are these people? And just as importantly, who are you to them? Here you are, and if you’re smart, you’re keeping quiet and listening. And watching. Watching for counterfeits. Watching for people who aren’t what they appear to be. Here you are, carrying yourself outwardly like you’re tough, but at some level you’re probably feeling a certain amount of fear. A smart man knows when to feel fear. Fear of physical harm, for sure—things can happen in here any day for trivial reasons. Or fear about what you might have to do to prove yourself. Fear about what the gang might ex- pect you to do for them in here. Am I expected to have to stab somebody?
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STARTING WELL Surviving Spiritually on the Inside
So here you are …
You’re behind bars, which means that you’re probably going through some perfectly normal emotions right now—anger, fear, remorse, de- pression, confusion, resentment, self-loathing, anxiety, defiance, shame, loneliness, feeling empty on the inside, blaming, self-absorbed, feeling wronged, still preoccupied with your case. And probably some others that we can’t think of right now. You might be feeling ashamed, either at what you’ve actually done or
because you know that most everyone thinks that you did it. You’re probably feeling some anger. Thirty percent of that anger and resentment is probably directed at other people or God, while the rest is probably aimed directly at yourself. Here you are in the state prison system. This is a different beast than the county
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Voices from the NRC: Changing Your Life and Connecting to God
Or maybe you’re haunted by a nagging fear about losing your relation- ships with your people on the outside. In fact, speaking of family and friends, you may already be feeling a certain amount of rejection and abandonment from them. And for that, you may already be feeling a certain amount of resentment in return. You may have overdone things while you were in lock-up—demanding things from them, basically telling them to “take care of me. Now!” And that didn’t exactly go over too well, did it? So here you are. Lying on your bunk, hitting the rewind button on your life. Replaying your past, over and over again. How far back are you re- winding the tape? To the night it supposedly all went wrong? Or are you rewinding a lot further back than that? “I know I was told things again and again as a kid, but I wouldn’t listen. Why wouldn’t I listen? ” Here you are. Like most of us who are finding our way through this system, you’re probably totally self-absorbed and thinking that you’re not worth anything. You’re simultaneously focused on the man in the mirror, and angry and disappointed and fed-up with the face looking back at you. And here you are with a “Spiritual Survival Guide” in your hands. How strange is that? Maybe you’re a Christian. And even if you’re not, you’ve probably have had some passing acquaintance with God, with the Christian message, with the way of Jesus. Maybe you weren’t brought up in a very religious family, but you probably have an aunt or uncle, a grandmother, or someone in your circle of family and friends that was a Jesus follower. Maybe you never had much time or interest in all that. But you’re here now, and maybe that door can finally begin to open for you. You’re reading, because you want to survive. Good choice. Keep reading . . .
Any way you cut it, the NRC is one strange place. Every time we vol- unteer chaplains step inside the Northern Reception Center at Stateville Prison, we find ourselves filled with seriously mixed feelings. On the one hand, the facility is bright, clean, modern, organized, and almost silent—a welcome contrast to the century-old, hectic, uncomfortable and noisy maximum-security facility next door. On the other hand, the NRC feels strangely cold and antiseptic, impersonal—not really a place for human beings. And in a very real way, it isn’t. It’s not meant to be. It’s a transit point, a “place-in-between”—a scheduled stopover on the trip from conviction and sentencing to the new prison assignment. By its very nature, the NRC inevitably has a kind of “warehouse feel” to it. Its purpose is to receive and process inmates who’ve just been con- victed and who need to be assigned to a new prison. So it’s little wonder that many of the men who pass through it tend to “zone out” while they’re there. They’re being “processed,” after all. The truth is, there’s a lot of depression. With no windows to clue them into the rhythms of the sun, guys tend to sleep a lot . With heavy steel doors making cell-to- cell conversation difficult, life tends to turn inward. And yet, it’s not all dreary. Here and there we see signs of life and vital- ity—like lights in a dark place. As we make our way around the nearly silent hallways with our carts of books and Bibles to hand out, we’re sometimes struck by the contrast between the cells where the lights are switched on and where the lights are switched off. It’s like day and night. And not only because of the light bulb in the cell. Sometimes it’s like the guys themselves are either “lights on” or “lights out.” The lights-out guys are so obviously being pulled down by their depression, anger, despair, fearfulness or regret. It’s like they’ve switched off spiritually.
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The lights-on guys are struggling with all of the same things—but along with the struggle there are also signs of hopefulness, activity, conviction, purpose, even joy.
The very first day I was guided to a Mr. Green, another inmate who for the last four years has kept my feet on solid ground spiritually and helped me grow immensely from time to time. I’ve seen God work through Mr. Green and I’ve desired to have God work through me. –Nathaniel My mind was spiritually awakened. I started thinking differ- ent—and better! I got to know Jesus and asked him to come into my life. I don’t recall anything bad. –Kevin I wasn’t living, walking, or anything else in the Spirit in my first nine years here, so nothing went well. I wasn’t trying to find out who I was spiritually. I came off the street doing drugs and came to prison to continue that same course. –Jacques In my first year in prison I was very upset with God because I am innocent of the crime I was convicted of. I asked God why he would let this happen to me knowing the truth about my case. So my faith was shaky because I felt like God did not love me. But as time went on my spirit began to change. –Rodney When I first stepped into the NRC (L-2) in July of 2005, I started praying to God that I would be assigned to a prison closer to my family. And God answered my prayer—I came to Stateville.The problem, though, was when I got to prison I was immediately surrounded with unbelievers.That made me totally forget about the blessing that the Lord had just given to me! I now look at the NRC as a holding place of the Lord. He wants you to think first of what you want to do with your time in prison—and that’s to do his will. –Wilfredo
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prison easier to swallow. It gives me hope for all of humanity when I witness the strong fellowship between brothers in here. What didn’t go so well? Being sent so far away from my fam- ily and struggling when classes and programs got put on hold or were canceled entirely. Classes and the fellowship through programs give people in here confidence and also self-worth. –James My first year in prison I was just trying to relate to my new environment. I’ll be honest: I hated Christians and the Bible. My father sent me books on new age philosophy, psychology, and self-help. At one point the Catholic priest from my parish wrote to me. Surprisingly, I found myself beginning to move in the direction that God wanted. —Jose I thought that because I’d made a decision to live a spiritual life, that all or most of my pain would go away.That didn’t happen. I’ve learned to keep going—one day at a time—doing my best. —Dan What most guys in here need is hope, encouragement. What they need to see is “the walk,” somebody showing on a daily basis a different way to live.That speaks the loudest to guys. Only then is a guy eager to hear the “talk,” the reason behind the walk. He wants to know the story. “What happened to you? I can see the after. What was the before like? And what made the change happen?” When I tell my story, I tell them that they can think about it a couple of ways.They can think of it as a story of liberation—from “wilderness” (or slave mentality) to “freedom.” Or, as a story of healing—from a crippling, cancer- ous mindset (an internal emptiness) to a healthy mind. And then I tell them that freedom and healing can be theirs, too, if they want it for themselves.They don’t have to be defeated by their past. –James
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As we went cell to cell, there seemed to be some common things we kept hearing. Listening to these guys talk about all the surprising twists and turns in their first year in prison, we realized a couple of important things. • First, real, long-lasting life change rarely comes quickly, easily, or predictably. True change is often slow, tough, and has its inevitable ups and downs. • Second, “coming to faith in God” is also slow, tough, and has its own ups and downs. These two things, “changing our life” and “coming to faith,” are essential to spiritual survival. They’re deeply connected, but we thought it might be helpful to tackle them one at a time.
How People Change (or Don’t)
A changed life. Man, that sounds good, doesn’t it? In fact, there’s noth- ing more that we want for ourselves than an invitation to a changed and transformed life. On the other hand, most of the time it seems as if there’s nothing more impossible. Most of us are already aware of our own inner resistance and our inability to change. Five words pretty much sum it all up for most people— last year’s new year’s resolutions . Everybody fails at this, inside these walls and outside them. A lot . So, why is it we’re so resistant to change? Is it because we’re too comfort- able, too self-satisfied with how we are? Is it because we don’t think there’s any real need for us to change? Sometimes, sure. But not always. For example, what if it were a simple case of “Change or die!”? You may have heard that phrase from your mama, your teachers, your social worker. And it didn’t have much impact on you, did it? But what if you were told that you had to have a heart operation and that you’d have to change your lifestyle afterwards (things like diet and exercise) or else you’d die? Do you think that would bump up the odds of you changing the way you live? Yes? Well, think again. Recent medical research tells us the odds are 9 to 1 that even when it’s a case of change your lifestyle or die , 90 percent of patients recovering from heart bypass surgery haven’t made any signifi- cant changes in how they live two years later. When faced with a clear- cut change or die , most of us still won’t change. What does that tell us about ourselves? Well, first of all, it tells us that all the usual motivators for change aren’t doing their job. Or at least not
Think About It. Talk About It.
1. How do you react to the idea that you still have time and that you and God aren’t finished writing the story of your life? With hope and excitement? With skepticism? Why do you think that is?
2. What different emotions have you been feeling lately? For you, what’s been the most difficult adjustment as you’ve entered into the prison system? 3. Do you know guys who seem to be “spiritually switched-on”? What do you think of them? And how would you describe yourself? Switched off? Switched on, but pretty dim right now? Switched on and shining? Are there any spiritually switched-on guys around you right now? 4. Which inmate’s testimony that you read do you most relate to? Feel the most motivated by? Why is that?
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well enough. Research shows pretty clearly what doesn’t work . For example, a sense of crisis doesn’t motivate over time. Six months after surgery (or after conviction), a “new normal” kicks in. The crisis feeling fades, and so does our resolve to change. We slide back into old habits. Cold hard facts don’t do the trick, either. If they did, lots of us wouldn’t be sitting where we are today. We can get all the data in the world—but it’s just in one ear and out the other. It’s like things just don’t register
The truth is, we resist significant change and we continue to live the way we do for one of two main reasons. First, as a coping mechanism , a day-to-day strategy just to muddle through life. “I get high to deal with all the stress.” “I need to act aggres- sively because people won’t respect me if I don’t.” Second, we resist change because we’re locked into habits and addictions. “I just can’t seem to stop anymore!” And yet, in spite of all our inner resistance to change, most of us—deep down, maybe all of us—long for something more. It’s like God has instilled a hopeful instinct deep inside us that there’s more to life –more to us—than we’re experiencing right now. And so we yearn for that changed life. For real life. In the Bible Jesus says, “I have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly, to the full” (John 10:10). When Jesus says that, something inside us leaps to attention: Yes! That’s what I want! Real, abundant life! I want what Jesus has, and what Jesus says is for us! Isn’t some part of you dreaming of a life full of purpose? A life full of meaning? A life charged with significance? A life filled to overflowing with the joy of loving God and others—and being loved in return? So how do we actually get in on this new, abundant life that Jesus came to give us? How do we find the motivation to get into position for real, lasting change? Because if even “change or die” doesn’t motivate us, then neither will any of the fear-based variations— “turn or burn” or “shape up or else.” Or at least they won’t motivate us for very long. Apparently, we need an entirely different approach from “change or die.” We need something that can almost completely flip the odds in our favor. And the research tells us that there actually is a different ap- proach where the odds of that happening are 8 to 2.
somehow. Or maybe on one level, we actually know what we need to do. But on a deeper level—deep in our souls—we don’t care . Fear , of course, can be a powerful motivator—for a while. How many times have we said to ourselves, “That was crazy. Never again!” And then a little while later our denial resurfaces, “Hey maybe that wasn’t
so bad after all!” Because of the way God has wired us, we can only live with so much fear before we get desensitized to it. And then we slide right back into our same old self-destructive behaviors and thought patterns.
For some of us, guilt can be a great motivator. But again, only for a while. The truth is,
chronic guilt eats away at us and just gets us even more screwed up and resentful than we were before. And then we just spiral further down. The bigger the burden of guilt we carry with us, the more likely it is that the change in us will only be for the worse.
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In one group of heart bypass patients, 80 percent changed their life- style—for good. Researchers discovered four key motivators and behav- iors that worked for them. They actually echo what the Bible has been suggesting and inviting us to all along. Put on new lenses. Have you ever worn somebody else’s glasses— especially if the lenses were thick? If so, you know how distorted, weird, and crooked things look. You feel that the world itself doesn’t look quite right. Sometimes it can make your head hurt. You feel unbalanced and dizzy. The only cure, the only sensible thing to do, is to take the lenses off. And the reason is simple—they’re not meant for us. Leave them on long enough, though, and even though they don’t help you see, you get used to having them on. The same thing happens spiritually. We borrowed lenses from the dysfunc- tional world around us—the streets, drug users, screwed up people in our lives. Somehow, along the way, we got used to wearing them, even though they distorted our view of reality and made us unbalanced. After a while we forgot that we were even wearing them. We adjusted ourselves to a messed- up view of reality. Look around and see where those lenses have gotten you. The only cure, the only sensible thing to do is to take them off. And the reason is simple—they’re not meant for us.
When God gives you new lenses, he also gives you new “frames.” You can actually stop seeing your life through the frames of regret, blame, mere survival, despair, or a cruel game. Instead of all those, God helps you see life as Jesus sees it. For example, you can actually “re-frame” this coming year as 525,600 minutes to be lived abundantly, as God’s gift—as a relationship, with joy, and on purpose. Imagine that over the next year, whatever hap- pens with your case, or on the deck, or with your family or with your health—come what may—your trust in God wouldn’t waver, but would grow. Imagine being at peace whatever happens, because you would be better grounded in prayer. Imagine picturing what life would be like later this year once Jesus has had his hands on you for a while. If we’re really going to trust Jesus and let him give us new prescription lenses, then we’re going to have to remember this, too: Radical change is easiest. This is one of the great paradoxes (two things that don’t seem to fit together, but actually do) of abundant living. Here’s what usually happens. Most of us try tinkering with our life. We try out small and medium-sized changes for a while. But those small changes usually tend to just make us feel deprived. We give something up, but the payoff seems too small. And so we get discouraged. Pretty soon we start thinking, Why am I even bothering? Not even this one little change is making any real difference! And so we stop. When we try to tinker with all those entrenched habits and addictions of ours, it’s even worse. Anybody who’s ever spent any time around addiction soon discovers that our attempts to “manage our addiction” are doomed to failure. It’s a cruel myth that only sinks us deeper into slavery and makes us despair of ever changing at all. The truth is, we need radical change. We need to let God get his hands on us. On the other hand, if radical change is ever going to happen, then we
The good news is, God has an- other set of lenses specially made for you. Lenses to let you see past the lies and distortion. Lenses to keep Jesus’ way of living in front of your eyes. Lenses to keep him in focus, to let him model for us what true living is. Lenses to see your future in his loving and capable hands.
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need some short-term wins. Since we’re an easily discouraged group of people, we need some practical steps that head us in the right direction. We need to have the Holy Spirit help us with some momentum builders, some minor victories, that can feed our faith and combat all the negative voices. Let’s say your vision of living more abundantly this year involves (1) being more disciplined in your prayer life and (2) reading the Bible in a way that gives you more understanding. Your short-term wins might involve deciding that for the next month, you’re going try a couple of specific disciplines. So, for example, you leave your copy of the Bible or other devotional material on top of your toothbrush each evening, and vow not to brush your teeth each morning until after you’ve gone through that day’s texts and said your prayers. You just set your Bible there on top of the brush. It’s a simple thing: if you don’t pray, you don’t brush. It’s simple, and it works. ( Unless you like green, fuzzy teeth, that is! ) Second, you might try your best to get connected spiritually in the next thirty days. You share this book with your celly or another guy on your deck. You ask him if he’d like to read a section and talk over the questions at the end. You get out of your own head for a while without worrying about the outcome. God will take care of the outcome. You just begin to put yourself in those situations where God can do his thing.
time you keep it to yourself; nobody else needs to know what you’re up to. But you’ll know. And so will God. The key thing is, don’t try to overwhelm yourself with taking too many steps all at once. That’s a recipe for stumbling. At this stage just commit yourself to one month of small, short-term wins. Just get yourself to next month. And then you and God can figure out where to go from there and what steps you’ll want to take to get there. Get ongoing help . If you really want to flip the odds in seeing significant change in your life from 9 to 1 against to 8 to 2 for , get ongoing help. The research showed that heart bypass patients needed at least weekly sup- port and coaching in order for them to stay on track. Otherwise all their health gains tended to unravel. Think about how many of us are too proud to look for help once, much less on a weekly basis! We have to find a way to come out of our isolation, simply for the fact that it’s blocking us from changing. We need focus and attention and helpful friendship. The truth is, we change best when we change together. That’s why you hear the Christian guys around you always talking about “fellowship.” It’s not about being in some kind of exclusive religious club, or about forming a Christian “gang.” It’s about being honest and getting that ongoing help that we all need.
What Works and What Doesn’t: Wisdom from C and D Blocks
If it’s a less selfish and judgmen- tal spirit you feel Jesus calling you to, you might vow to pray for the guys around you for the next thirty days. Not one day more. But not one day
We thought it would be interesting to compare what we were hearing from guys passing through the NRC with what inmates from Stateville said when they reflected back on their first few months. We wondered what they might say about what worked for them and what didn’t. What follows is not a list of “dos and don’ts” that you’d better do or else.
less, either. You make a list, starting with your celly (if you have one). You include the guys up and down your deck, and the officers on all the different shifts (even the ones you don’t know or can’t stand). During this
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Spiritual Survival Guide
1: Starting Well: Surviving Spiritually on the Inside
This is simply what some guys (Anthony, West, Nathaniel, Duncan, JT, Jose, Dennis, James, Doaikah, Robert, Earl, Wilfredo, Jacques, Dan and others) have experienced in their own lives about what actually works and what doesn’t. When you put the voices from the NRC together with the wisdom from the guys in C and D Block, an interesting picture comes into focus. There are some clear differences between what leads to a dead end spiritually and what actually does work over time. When you put it all together, you can see some very different paths toward change. One path—the one most of us, both inside and out- side prison, normally try—is based on a sense of crisis, cold hard facts, fear, or guilt. That’s a path we tend to try to walk alone. Ninety percent of the time it doesn’t work; it gets us nowhere. If you like those odds, you’re welcome to keep walking that path. There’s another path to a changed life, the path God holds out to you. It’s a path marked by new God-given lenses for seeing the world differently, by radical (and exciting) change, by practical short-term victories, and by ongoing help from friends going through the same thing. The choice, as they say, is yours. God’s Word describes it like this: I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years. (Deuteronomy 30:19-20) Choose life!
What Doesn’t Work Fronting (spiritually and literally) Trying to fit in, be accepted Making yourself out to be more than you are
What Does Work
Being yourself
Focusing on God
Fasting
Talking too much
Fellowship with other Christians (inmates, staff, volunteers) Sharing the gospel with others
Listening too little
Formality
Daily prayer, meditation on God’s words
Spouting Bible knowledge without demonstrating God’s love
Studying the Bible
Thinking you are better than someone else Participating in Christian programs, 12-step programs Thinking that you’re so in tune with God that you take the place of God Exercising the fruit of the Holy Spirit Holding a cross, Bible, or rosary for good luck or favor from God Submitting yourself to God Being stuck in traditionalism Holding onto God’s promises Isolation or hermit conduct Talking about personal experiences with people who care and can relate Avoiding other believers Hearing other people’s stories of life change Procrastinating Not getting too discouraged over a lack of results Endless questioning of God Forgiving people Selfishness Listening to others Impatience Showing others you care Hanging out with people who are not saved Sacrifice Worrying too much about what others will think about you Getting older (it can help you become wiser!) Treating God like Santa Claus Sincere confession and repentance Trying to become perfect Trying your best to please God above all else Promoting God instead of yourself
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Spiritual Survival Guide
1: Starting Well: Surviving Spiritually on the Inside
period to see where you will be transferred to. On your way to us you undoubtedly thought “WOW! How did I end up here? And how do I get out of here?” During this time you have been watching, surveying and listen- ing. You have been paying attention to who can be trusted to give you the truth about your situation, who to be careful of, who you can relate to. You’ve thought, “I have to tell my family what is happening! What about my case? Can I get a lawyer and appeal and win?” Some of you will be searching for an answer as to why you were not set free. Others will be searching for the ability to adjust to your new life in corrections, be it short or long. Still others will be searching for God. I believe all things work together for good if you let God have the controls. That means resting in his ability to help and guide you through this process. God is love and as such is a spirit com- modity—God can engulf you in such a way that you actually trust him to take you to a life of joy. You can’t see it now but God is with you and loves you and desires the best for you. He is not limited by your cage or your circumstances or even your own bad attitude. None of that is any kind of obstacle to him and his desire to grow and bless you. Surrender is tough for the man who has never done it. It appears to be a weak thing to do. Yet Jesus the Christ surrendered to the cross and died for your sins so that “whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” You need to make sure you get through the process you are in smoothly and without more trouble. That means surrender to
Think About It. Talk About It.
1. For nine out of ten guys, a sense of crisis, cold hard facts, fear, and guilt don’t motivate us over time. Has that been true for you over the years?
2. What do you think about the research that shows that for eight out of ten guys, the four key motivators that lead to deep and lasting change are new lenses, radical change, short-term wins, and ongoing help?
3. What short-term spiritual wins could you try in the next thirty days?
4. When you look at the list of what inmates say doesn’t work spiritually, do you see things that you’re currently doing? Are you ready to stop doing them? 5. When you look at the list of things that do work spiritually, what two or three things do you think you need to try, or get more serious about?
From Where I Sit: Chaplain George Adamson, Stateville Prison
Listen to the perspective of a prison chaplain who’s met with thousands of guys over the past twenty years, and what he’s learned about what it takes to make a strong start spiritual start behind bars. You are now past the trial and the waiting it out to see which way it would go. You have been transferred to the Illinois De- partment of Corrections and are now sitting in another waiting
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Spiritual Survival Guide
1: Starting Well: Surviving Spiritually on the Inside
submission—to authority. God has a plan for your life, but so does the devil. If you try to break the system, I’m here to tell you that the system will not be broken any more than it is. The fact that the system exists ought to tell you that it’s not going away. You should do your absolute best to get through this process without adding more time to your sentence. Most of you will run the re-runs of your life. The what-ifs, I-shoul- da’s, if-onlys … My suggestion to you is to focus on the future. It is where you are headed. Going into it with grief, sadness, anger or fear will not be productive for you. “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.” “Perfect love casts out fear.” Soon you will become an expert on your own situation. Entering in with knowledge, under- standing and wisdom will go far in your ability to adapt to your new surroundings. Rest in the knowledge that you will survive and be stronger because of it. The statement of dedication of the Administration Building of Stateville Correctional Center by Rodney H. Brandon, Director of the Department of Public Welfare in 1932, was this: Let those who control the lives of the men who enter here ever bear in mind that the path to better things lies upward always and is steep and that God’s choicest blessings come to him who helps the weary climber. You are the weary climber. You will make it to the top if you accept some help along the way. There will be staff who will help you. They are in for God’s choicest blessings; you should speak and pray those blessings on them as you go along on your steep climb.
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2: Read This If You’re Confused About Faith
and around in endless circles. “ Yes it is. No it isn’t. Yes it is. No it isn’t. ” In an argument nobody has to move or shift their position. A map is different. In fact, “arguing” about a map is pointless. And that’s because you can pick up a map and actually test it and experience for yourself. Does it help you figure out where you are? Does it point out the path
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that leads you home? Does it point out the dangers, the sites of interest, and the twists and turns along the way? Christians didn’t make up this life-map, but we’re trying it and it’s worth follow- ing! This is not a private map. It’s for everybody. There’s room for healthy doubt sometimes. But there’s room for some
READ THIS IF YOU’RE CONFUSED About Faith, the Bible, Prayer, and All That
healthy faith as well. In any case, God doesn’t need us to prove or de- fend him. He can do that perfectly well for himself. God’s an expert at revealing himself. God can and does use Christians to witness to him, to testify and share with others where we’ve seen him in action in history and in our own lives.
In case you’re wondering, this survival guide doesn’t have a bunch of knock-down, drag-out arguments trying to prove that God exists. It’s not that we don’t believe that God exists. We do, with every fiber of our being. We’re not ashamed of that truth. In fact, we stake our lives on it. Give us a chance, and we might talk to you all day about what we’ve learned about who God is and how God loves. We’re bold but humble— confident —about it. Some Christians specialize in apologetics —laying out reasons why you’d be a fool not to believe in their arguments. Most of the time we appre- ciate their reasons; they can be helpful. But in the end, we don’t think arguments about God are enough. (Have you ever known anyone who’s been argued into believing in God?) The Christian message about the reality of the living God is less like an argument and more like a map to share. An argument just goes around
Why Jesus?
You might be asking yourself why there’s such a focus on Jesus and the Christian understanding of God in what’s supposed to be a “spiritual” survival guide. It’s a good question, and a fair one. The main reason is simply because we’re Christians. We’re followers of Jesus. We’re Jesus people. He’s our reason for being, our path, our Lord, our way, our truth, and our very life. We can’t think “spiritual” without immediately thinking about the Holy Spirit that Jesus sends to his followers.
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Spiritual Survival Guide
2: Read This If You’re Confused About Faith
We’re from different “denominations,” but not different religions. Think of a house—that’s Christianity. Now think of different rooms in that house. Each of those rooms has a slightly different feel to it (Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, Pentecostal, and so on), but it’s the same house. We belong to the same family, even if we personally feel more comfortable hanging out in some rooms more than others. We have some minor dif- ferences. Like any family, we squabble sometimes. But we belong togeth- er. We’ve got the same head: Jesus. We recognize that there are other religions, other “houses,” than ours. That’s immediately obvious in prison. Look around and you can find every kind of religion, and then some! Many of us have close friends in those other religions. But we’re not able to speak for them. That would be inappropriate and foolish on our part. It’s hard enough for Christians to speak with one united voice sometimes. How could we ever hope to do that for Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, or any other religious group? It’s better to leave that job to people from those communities. We think that each religion ought to speak for itself and stand or fall on its own. It’s wrong to strip away all the distinctive and different ways we see reality. We think that would be untruthful, boring, inauthentic, and unhelpful. There are already plenty of “spiritual self-help” books floating around prison. We’re not interested in creating one more. Why Jesus? We want to offer you an opportunity to meet him yourself for who he really is—and to see what a Jesus-shaped life might mean for you. Atheist, lapsed Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Satanist, or whoever you are—we don’t pre-judge what meeting with Jesus might mean for you. Perhaps Jesus will “confirm and complete” you by bringing to fulfillment all the good and God-pleasing things in your life. Perhaps Jesus will “con- front and convert” you by unmasking the lies you live by and showing
you his living truth. Perhaps, like us, he’ll do all of those things to you.
Why Grace?
Have you ever asked yourself what life’s all about? How it all fits to- gether? Not just your own individual life, but all of it? What makes it all tick? The world? Existence? Everything? There are two distinctly different ways to talk about what makes it all tick. The first way is earning it. The second way is getting a gift. In the end, it comes down to these two approaches: karma and grace. The idea of karma is everywhere these days. Karma literally means “action.” It’s about actions, deeds, works, and the results of those ac- tions, the consequences of what we do—the law of cause and effect. Karma says that actions always have reactions, that things don’t happen for nothing, that you get what you give. Karma says that what goes around, comes around. Good actions get rewarded, and evil ones get punished—measure for measure—and if not in this lifetime, then in a whole cycle of lifetimes to come. (Karma’s kid sister is reincarnation— coming back around in life after life for the cause and effect process to work itself out. Karma’s got a long time-line.) Settling accounts. Good or bad. Either way, in the end, under karma you get what’s coming to you. You get what you deserve. In the end, you earn it. Karma says, “Now it’s up to you. You’ve got free will. Create your destiny.” Karma says that whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever level you’re on—you deserve it. You’re on top of life? Well, you deserve it! You
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Spiritual Survival Guide
2: Read This If You’re Confused About Faith
must have lived right—either now or in a past life! You’re on the bot- tom? Once again, you deserve it. Not-so-good past lives, I guess! Feeling crushed by life circumstances? Too bad, but you know: fair’s fair. Some- where in the past, you did this to yourself. The idea of karma is hard to shake. In fact, the Bible itself wrestles with this payback question over and over. Check out chapters 4 and 34 in the book of Job: when Job’s life came crashing down, his friends told him, “You must have deserved this. These things don’t just happen. ” A karma contingent came to Jesus once (check out the story in John 9:1-7). They asked him, “So, Jesus, is that guy over there blind because he sinned—or because his parents sinned?” Jesus told them, “Don’t blame the victims; it doesn’t work that way,” and then he went ahead and healed the man. Later (check out Luke 13:1-5), Jesus spoke to his inner circle about people killed in a tragic accident. He told them that tragedies have nothing to do with payback. It’s not about who deserves what. That’s not what’s going on. Everything Jesus ever revealed in his teaching, and especially in his cross, is grace —us getting wonderful things we don’t deserve, and God absorbing the awful things we do deserve. Grace is about God having a soft spot for failures and losers and screw-ups and sinners and addicts and convicts—for all of us who find ourselves on the bottom, and for all of us who put ourselves on the bottom. There’s something missing, something out of place, about karma. And there’s something deep in our Christian experience, something at the heart of the Christian message, that turns karma on its head. At the heart of Christian experience and identity stands Jesus Christ. And at the heart of Jesus Christ stands the victory of God’s grace. Grace is the
reality that trumps everything . Karma included. Karma says that life is a “task” to be done and wages to be earned. God’s grace in Jesus says that life is a “gift” to be received, opened, enjoyed, and given thanks for. Grace says that because God himself has broken into our world and broken the vicious cycle, history is now going some- where new, somewhere wonderful. Grace picks up where justice inevita- bly fails. Clean slate. Fresh start. Debt-free. Karma says that you are what you make yourself. Grace says that even when we make a total mess of ourselves, God is there to remake us into something new. The Bible says that in Christ we are being remade into a
new creation (check out 2 Corinthians 5:17). Karma says, Earn it. Grace says, Just receive it.
We’ve tried to fix ourselves, to play by the rules of cause and effect, but because we’re addicted to sin and slaves to selfishness, we can’t do it. Thank God we have someone able to fix us. And that’s God himself. Thank God we’re not in control; thank God that he is. Grace is all about God—in the person of Jesus, through the miracle of a love we can’t comprehend—flipping karma on its head, and bringing about a new world order, the kingdom of God. Grace is good news for those who have nothing of their own to point to, for those who have nothing to boast of, for those who don’t deserve anything good. With all due respect to karma, grace rules. Grace is God’s first word, God’s main word, God’s best word, and God’s final word. Grace is amazing . And grace is meant for people exactly like us.
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